Sometimes things come out wrong when people talk but what kind of a dork offers unsolicited advice to someone about weight loss? I would guess that you aren't the only person he offers he great advice to so you can bet that eventually he will advise the wrong person and he'll get the earful he deserves. If it were me, I wouldn't get all worked up over it but I would have something to say to him like "Are you the guy who offered me weight loss advice? I've been telling all of my friends about you!" Something to let him know he made a great first impression.

Don't waste a bunch of time thinking about it though, it's not worth it!

   Before you go putting blame on someone else, take a look in the mirror. Sometimes an outside perspective is just what you need to put you on the podium- and isn't that why we race?

Maybe you should get your BMI tested and consult with a personal trainer about shaving it down.

I think the worst thing this guy did was recommend raisins, personally I've found that mushrooms are excellent at absorbing excess water weight.

Please tell me you forgot how to put that in pink font.

Whether it was "good" advice or not it was inappropriate and at an inappropriate time. Sounds like the guy who offers unsolicited training advice in a weight room. I agree that if it came from a good friend or coach, different story. Best thing to do is ignore his comment and ignore him.

OMG. Speechless. Let me think abou this for a minute. You MUST in some way let him know how totally rude he was to you.

I don't see how I'm blaming anyone. I said I thought this comment was inappropriate. I have had my body fat tested and consulted with a physician (before this incident) and he advised me not to lose any more than a couple of pounds or it could become strength loss. The point is, I am not interested in losing weight, and this kind of comment, while it bothered me, is not the end of the world.

The main thing is- these group rides are full of guys like this- and I strongly believe this is why the showing of women is so poor. I want more women to show up and ride and not be subjected to this!

(by the way....if I could keep up with this dude, and the top group- I don't think I need to lose any weight!)

I'm guessing q-h is a troll so just ignore him/her/it.

As far as the inappropriate remarks, it does sound to me that this is a guy who loves to offer a bunch of unsolicited advice to one and all and likely doesn't know how it sounds coming out. Doesn't forgive him the rude behavior but take solance in the fact that if this is how he talks to women then he's likely not getting too much action. :)

Honestly, and I know this is incredibly hard when someone you don't know says something about your appearance or weight, I'd try to let is just roll off my back and ignore it. You're happy, you're healthy, and you're obviously a kickass a cyclist. However, if he does come up to you at another ride and say anything my recommendation is to be brutally honest and tell him that what he said was inapporpriate and boorish. Or the more passive aggressive way to deal with him would be to do some internet research and see if you can find anything that talks about how raisins are bad in some way and then generously share that knowledge with him.

It also sounds like it's time to get your own group of kickass female cyclists together and form your own ride. Guys like this - and q-h who thinks that the only thing anyone cares about is how they can alter their life to get that coveted podium spot - are not worth hanging around with.

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http://smallfoodbiz.com
</blatent self-marketing>

That was going to be my suggestion. If you're not happy in the group you're already in (and I gather from you saying that a lot of the group is like this guy) then go do something else. Start your own group. Who cares what some random dude has to say?

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I know I'm promiscuous, but in a classy way

I'd say something similar back to him. Something like, "If you lost 10 pounds you could lead the rides! I like brownies as meal substitutes. Try it sometime!"

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Jen

"In order to keep a true perspective on one's importance, everyone should have a dog that worships him and a cat that will ignore him." - Dereke Bruce

Some people are just inappropriate and have no tact. Two separate occasions came to mind when I read your post. One involving myself, the other my sister.

Years ago (when we were kids; my sister was always pretty over weight) my grandparents were at our house and my grandpa was obviously trying to find a way for a 'lead in' about some over weight person he had seen. So, he looks at my sister (a teenager at the time) and says, "Wow, 'sisters name', you have been putting on some weight"....then he says, "speaking of being fat"......

About 11 years ago my husband and I had come home from college to visit his parents. We walked through the door and his step dad looked at me and says "Wow, Leslie, you are getting a little wide in the backside, what have you been eating?" - I WAS HORRIFIED......

Honestly I don't think that if you approached him now it would have any impact on him, because well, people 'like that' are just idiots; plain an simple. I would; however, come up with something to say that is tactful yet DIRECT the next time he says something to you, or someone else (because you know it will happen).

I think that starting a new group is a good idea and at the same time sticking where you are at is equally a good idea. I'm always for "a voice of reason" being thrown into a mix of people that really don't get the purpose of what we do; because afterall in the grand scheme of things when we reach the age where the things we do now are simply too difficult, will we be remembering 'our journey' or our body fat %, our trophy collection? You could make a lasting impression by sticking where you are.

Regardless, what this guy said was inappropriate and totally jerkful. BUT the best thing you have going for you is that you realize you are healthy just how you are and what he said was nothing more than an extremist trying to make himself feel better by throwing you under the bus.

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Life is Short...Run Long

If you are truly bothered by it then you should tell him what you told us: "Your comments to me about my weight on the last ride were inappropriate."

I also wonder if he is just a bit oblivious to how sensitive females can be (myself highly included in THAT group) about weight. If he said that to a male cycling buddy, would you still find it inappropriate? Just asking.

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maybe she's born with it, maybe it's chlorine
If you're injured and need some sympathy, PM me and I'm very happy to write back.
disclaimer: PhD not MD

sorry for intruding as i'm a guy and i've never known if it was appropriate for a guy to post in the womens forum but in my opinion, just keep doing what you are doing and do it better than him.

keep riding and ride hard and leave his dumb ass in your dust. payback is a bitch as they say.

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It's not about the bike, it's just along for the ride.

Say something like this to him...

"Thanks for the tip! Once I lose the weight I'll be able to drop those annoying @$$holes who make comments about other's weight and offer unsolicited and inappropriate advice."


BTW, if he is that much better than you that he feels he can give recommendations why was he beside you on the climb? ;-)

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"Go that way, really fast. If something gets in your way, turn." - Charles De Mar

Thanks to everyone (men and women!) for your posts. I have decided that it if I was going to say something to him, it should have been then and there. Bringing it up a few weeks later is just dredging up the past; in all likelihood he has forgotten his comment anyway. However, I will warn as many women group riders as I know to watch out for his comments, AND if he dares to bring up something similar to me or anyone else I will be ready (either to throw down an attack on the bike, or a good retort!).

you're allowed.

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maybe she's born with it, maybe it's chlorine
If you're injured and need some sympathy, PM me and I'm very happy to write back.
disclaimer: PhD not MD

Make sure you bring out some more of your crazy talk in the future though.

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I know I'm promiscuous, but in a classy way

As a guy, people like that piss me off. He wouldn't say the same thing to another guy. No need to come up with a smart retort to people like that, just a simple "F$3k off" will do. Probably the same type of person that gets angry when a woman passes him on a ride or run.

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Cervelo R3 and Cannondale Synapse, Argon18 Electron Track Bike

If you are comfortable at the weight you're at and are active and healthy, don't let what that guy said bug you! I think if anyone ever said that to me, it would be a little upsetting as weight (particularly on my belly) is always a struggle with me. Form a group with people who are supportive and won't offer "advice" unless you ask for it or have a relationship where it's appropriate to do so!

crazy talk...or pillow talk? GRRRR!!! ;)

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It's not about the bike, it's just along for the ride.

Totally offside. I can't think of any situation where it would be appropriate to discuss weight with a woman. My dad is one of those people similar to the man you met earlier. I won't defend him. I find that my best strategy is to be as vague as possible and then either walk away or change the subject. The last time he asked my weight, I told him I didn't know and started talking about something else. The most critical piece is that you're happy and healthy.

take solance in the fact that if this is how he talks to women then he's likely not getting too much action. :)

Ha! Definitely keep this in mind.

Honestly, and I know this is incredibly hard when someone you don't know says something about your appearance or weight, I'd try to let is just roll off my back and ignore it. You're happy, you're healthy, and you're obviously a kickass a cyclist.

Great advice - just wanted to make sure it got repeated

Have you considered getting a looser fitting jersey or wearing running shorts over your cycling shorts?

Raisins-guy! Is that you? Have you found me to give me more lame and asinine advice?

Push him over as you ride away. Not exactly subtle, but it might make the point clear.

"raisins guy"...priceless.

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AW

Why in the hell would she do that?

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clm
Nashville, TN
https://twitter.com/ironclm | http://ironclm.typepad.com

never you mind that dolt, you are absolutely perfect the way you are. and that goes for all of you ladies. just be you and the rest will fall into place.

my two cents,

Preston.

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It's not about the bike, it's just along for the ride.

i just want to clarify and it could mean diddly squat to any of you but i am from a broken home and my mother took me and my father ignored me unless i had money to give him.

my mother is the resaon in which why i am so protective of women and why i respect them so much more than my own gender so i'm not trying to 'hit' on any of you, i just know and respect and connect and adore the opposing sex much more than i do my own as let's face it, guy are phucking chumps. most at least.

i even have the sacred heart with 'MOM' tattoed on my bicep.

that is all,

Preston.

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It's not about the bike, it's just along for the ride.

Oh, he was totally hitting on you. You should ask him if he has any good ideas for some good, hard cardio and if he wants to show you how.

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http://trainingoferic.blogspot.com/

no, i wasn't hitting on anyone but a nice piece of ass is always appreciated! ha!

hey, i am still a guy.... ;)

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It's not about the bike, it's just along for the ride.

Take him brownies, then drop his a$$ on the next ride, it'll make for a really intense ride for you ;-)

I...adore the opposing sex

That's funny

That's just like my Grandfather!!

I think you should just ignore it for now, and if it happens again, just tell him it's inappropriate for him to give you advice like that and you will train and eat as you see fit.


On the flip side, I ride with a guy who tells me to eat more muffins so I can keep up with him on the downhills!!

Not only was his comment lame and insensitive (I can't bring myself to use the word "inappropriate since the Miss California on Larry King debaucle) but it was moronic too. Raisins are a lousy weight loss food.

OK, as a guy, let me say his advice is the same he'd give to anyone else...if he didn't have a filter.

Here's what's going through his mind most likely "OK, climbing is weight dependent, I remember when I first started I was terrible until I lost weight, now I'm a 'good' climber. This person here could still lose some pounds and it would make them even better! I'll give them some advice like I got/figured out". The difference between him and most guys isn't his line of thinking, it's the filter in between his mind and his mouth.

His advice isn't inherently bad, unless you're dangerously low on body fat, losing excess fat is a great way to be a better climber, the problem is he doesn't get that he's not in a position to talk to you about it. Though to be fair some people are so incredibly egotistical about their body that any criticism, from anyone, will blow their top.

Long story not so short, he's not necessarily an insensitive jerk who needs to be put in his place. He might be a very attentive and sensitive guy who has no idea his "help" is hurting more than it's helping.

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-Andrew Saar
It is better to do the right thing and be paid poorly,
than to do the wrong thing and be rewarded richly.

Nah, the dude was a knob.

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Proud member of the MSF (Maple Syrup Mafia)

Snot rocket or launch a bottle at him.
It is possible that this douche may have been trying to hit on you. He probably talks about cycling to all of the women he meets and says "how fast he is, how great he climbs, etc." Most of these women probably have low self esteem and they say "Wow, I wish I had your dedication. I really need to lose 10 more lbs."
Then BAM - he tells them what he would do and then yada-yada-yada.

Just signed up to this site today and saw this...

Loved some of the replies and others were as equally insulting. Loved the suggestion of the "snot rocket" as I a aussie and never heard that term but the visual image cracked me up.

In Aust the girls sort these types. I agree it is possibly some warped come on line from a guy that hits on perhaps women he assumes have low self esteem.

I have learn't to be quick with the gun from my verbal holster.

Reply 1. " You would be a much better rider if you focused on your cycling instead of the size of my butt"
Reply 2. "Interesting?, but my power to weight ration is perfect.."
Reply 3. "I'm sorry?...are you hitting on me?"
Reply 4. None. Total and complete indifference, no doubt drives men like this berzerk.

Grrrrrrr. I bet you are awesome, and by the way I have run @2.47 marathon and many races and have a decent gluteus maximus so he can go jump....

I like fun trash talking but this is an inappropriate comment. I would have said something like "Yeah, that 10 pounds is why I'm back here in the pack instead of towards the front. What's your excuse?"

2/3 up and he still hadn't dropped you? Maybe the response would be: that's my excuse, what's yours?

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a lot of male cyclists are obsessed with their weight and talk about it like its no big deal. to them losing weight is about increasing performance (increasing power to weight ratio) and so its no big deal to discuss this. might just be a clash of "cultures" so to speak...some cyclists are real serious and find discussion about weight no big deal, some are serious but can get offended if said by a stranger, etc., some are not serious riders and could care less about boosting power to weight. maybe just two people with no common ground on the issue so it creates awkwardness for the poster. if it wasn't clearly malicious i'd ignore it or maybe just toss him a zinger.

Clearly a lack of sensitivity on his part, but why did this comment bother you so? As an older guy, I really don't care what others think of my physical appearance: I am what I am, and if I don't like me, then I will do something about me. Most or all of the guys I know also couldn't care less about what others think and also say about their appearance (except Kevin, who is sensitive about his hair). Even if a stranger (of any gender) were to tell me I'm fat, I'd either acknowledge it as true ("yeah, I haven't been training much lately"), make a joke about it, or ask what their excuse might be for going the same speed.

I ask mainly because I don't like what women take from our cultural environment about body image, and I believe it is in women's power to not take it.

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"Go yell at an M&M"

This is my take on it as well (I'm female, btw). He didn't "call you fat" as the thread title states. He said you'd be a better climber if you lost a few pounds, which is a true statement. Fair enough that it's a bit of a weird thing to come out and say to a stranger out of the blue, but given what you wrote, I don't think he meant it in a negative way at all, and was honestly just trying to be helpful. Talking about zinging the guy for simply being clueless seems very mean and uncalled for, in my opinion.

I'll bet nobody climbs on him, ever.

You want to know why it bothered me?

I go on these group rides for a workout. 90% of the group is men >45. I realize I stick out like a sore thumb, and I just sit quiet and try to pedal. I don't ask, nor want any extra attention.

I endure irritating conversations that center around "The Wife doesn't want me to do this..., The Wife wouldn't like that, ha, The Wife doesn't let me do that!"
I smile nicely and say thanks when I get all sorts of (unprompted) advice about what stem I should buy, or what kind of hill repeats I should do.
I listen politely when I get a 45 minute race report about a 40 minute Masters 55+ Men's B crit. Two dozen old geezers on their litespeeds riding around in circles. Riveting.

But, Mr. MedT, I draw the line when a man, old enough to be my father, who does not know my first name, nor I know his, announces out of the blue, that I would be better off 10 pounds lighter. I would be equally bothered if a woman (at any age) announced the same thing, unprompted, within earshot to a half a dozen others.

I don't like what women "take" from our cultural environment about body image, but I'm sure as hell the root of the problem is what we are provided with, NOT my "womanly power" to not take it.

If all of that bothers you so much, stop riding with them.

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I know I'm promiscuous, but in a classy way

Swift kick to the nuts. This guy wasn't raised right.

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customerjon @gmail.com is where information happens.

Based on your posts and particularly your response to Med Tent Man, I'd say you've got more problems than just maybe carrying a few extra pounds. I'd be willing to bet you get offended frequently. Just a hunch. People who are frequently or easily offended usually should spend less time being offended and more looking at why they in particular are offended so much.

And, I've always thought you could take almost any triathlete and have them lose ten pounds and they'd be faster on the bike and definitely the run. Also, I agree with the people who say if you don't like it, don't ride with them. I'm not a fan of group rides for various reasons, so I don't do them.

Nice armchair psychology there, Sofie. You should be proud.

Anyone with half a brain knows that for a vast majority of recreational cyclists a 10# loss would improve climbing performance. Only an asshole would point that out, totally unsolicited in the context the OP described.

Disclosure: I'm a male. If you really want to hit him where it hurts, tell him: "I was thinking about your advise to loose 10 lbs. I'm comfortable with my weight. Are you comfortable being so scronny?"

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What is "scronny"?

i assumed that was "scrawny"..

cheers!

-mistress k

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ill advised racing inc.

What an ass.
Seriously, the best thing you can do is completely ignore his existence. The only reason he was saying anything was an attempt to engage you for whatever reason. Ignoring him will drive him batty. And beat him to the top next time.

It was ALL about him--you just happened to be there and female. Ego.

I once had a guy literally try to run me off the road in a triathlon for passing him. Not blocking- swerving into me and trying to hit me with his bike. He yelled the "c" word etc...I was female and passing him.

Tell him "You know, you might not have such bad luck with women, if you weren't so ignorant."

I agree that the delivery is absolutely lame...
That said, just to play the devil's advocate, I get people calling me short all the time, and I can't do anything about it. Actually, if I started a thread 'Gal on group ride calls me short' I'd just get a bunch of smartass comments.
At least, with weight, you can do something about it.
;-)

I don't think the Fraussie is short.

But, hey F, if you ever want to get rid of your bike, I'd like to use it for a trinket to hang from my rear view mirror.

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Keep moving forward, just keep moving forward...

~~ I am no longer broken... ~~

Given how slow you drive you might get a pull from it when you hang it there...

Good idea. Anything would help at this point! I just started driving again after 6 months.

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Keep moving forward, just keep moving forward...

~~ I am no longer broken... ~~

oh stop principessa, you may be short, but daaaaamnnnn....

I mean really....

AP

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"How bad could it be?" - SimpleS

Stop stalking me on ST! ;-)

hee hee

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"How bad could it be?" - SimpleS

Have you tried lifts? Maybe a bouffant hairdo?

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Proud member of the MSF (Maple Syrup Mafia)