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Re: Fat Old Loser. [dreaming~big]
To my dear Slowtwitch family,

It took me all these days to get back online and read your posts. I was afraid someone had said something shitty. Like the guy in the red pickup truck who hollered "sooeee" at me when I was running the trails in Cleveland years ago.

You made me cry.

Thank you all. :)

I recognize that I have fallen down into a deep hole of depression and anxiety and grief. My husband was an old disabled Vietnam-era Marine. He was my rock. When I went to Tempe to stand at the starting line of IMAZ in 2013, I had to cart him around in a wheelchair in the airport, at the hotel, to the course. I really really really had trained for that SOB. Hired an excellent coach, did the work. Honestly gave it my best shot.

I DNFd on the swim.

It killed my soul.

So I retreated into being T's nurse. And then he died.

Coming back to life has been something else. I wouldn't wish that journey on anyone.

Yet here I am. Living. Breathing. Somehow moving forward.

It's been five years. Time to move on.

Thank you, thank you, thank you, my good people.

I went to Planet Fitness at 6 am this morning and did planks (such as they were) and beat those stoopid ropes around (such as it was) with a trainer and a Mexican guy. We talked about the best way to chug Cabo Wabo. It was fun. It will hurt like hell tomorrow.

I have a Training Peaks plan, I have an Altra HR monitor, I have a keto plan. Two fake hips, broken-down bone-on-bone shoulders, a bad lumbar ... but no pain meds, normal BP and HR and glucose, says the doc.

The only thing stopping me is the grief and self-doubt lodged between my two ears. I started this thing 25 years ago at 330 pounds. The lard-ass I can handle. I know how to do it.

Onward. WTF.

May I please thank Fred Sommer in advance for holding the finish line open till the DFL old woman finally appears at the finish line next spring long after he wanted to dismantle the race.

Jeez. I love you guys. Your kindness overwhelms me.

Ahimsa. Blessings. See you at the finish line.

~~ kate
Last edited by: dreaming~big: Dec 10, 18 11:21

Edit Log:

  • Post edited by dreaming~big (Dawson Saddle) on Dec 10, 18 11:21