Firstly, if you stay in a cheap motel...it will be dodgy but okay.
Swim and bike no good for spectators....tell em to stay in Cairns and see you on the run.
So the swim...crocodiles (not those nancy gators but real man eating bastards) and sharks, bloody big ones. So swim fast but not too fast that you are out there alone.
Murky water, chop and don’t hit any of the Japanese you are lapping on the second lap..they are your best bet to avoid the sharks.
Don’t swim too slow....refer the buffalo theory.
The bike...while your spectators who didn’t take my advice and are stuck waiting on a bus for 2.5 hours doing a normal 40 min trip...you’ll be doing the first turnaround to Port Douglas (that’s where the rich wankers park their boats)...most likely you’ll be getting some tropical showers.
You will head back south and do the turnaround and head back to Port Douglas...some second rate announcer will call your name as you do the turnaround again.
Head back south and over something called knobbies hill, as usual during the back end of an IM ride, it is only a bump but feels like Everest.
The one joy will be passing some third rate pro who has called it quits and is on the side of the road.
The last 40 k’s will be into a head wind and will do your head in. Care of the rain, the debri on the road will cause a flat tyre (over here it ain’t a tire son but a tyre)...you will waste the first co2 container but get it done with the second, then shit yourself for the rest of the ride knowing you ain’t got another one.
Into Cairns for the run where despite the 3 lap run, there will be northern points where you can get away with walking in front of not too many.
Someone will say you are looking good when you know that is a lie.
Digesting about 600 milligrams of caffeine you will feel alive enough to get over the line...to have your name mispronounced but declared you are an Ironman.
Running the last few kilometers (not miles, are you listening!) the wankers sitting in the cafes may wonder why you are running now and not earlier. Just remember those tossers are 70.3 posers and have no balls to do twice that distance.
Over the line to find out that the after race food and drink is pretty poor in reality.
Don’t waste your time in that compound, nothing there for you really.
Get out to your family who have had a far better time enjoying the Cairns beach side pool (there cause with those sharks and crocs no one swims in the sea) than watching you for 30 seconds each run lap.
They will still think you are a legend despite your war stories of flat tyres, head winds, choppy swims and getting passed by the winner of the 50-55 women’s age group.
Seriously...a great race.
Limp home and avoid the cane toads...evil things.
Swim and bike no good for spectators....tell em to stay in Cairns and see you on the run.
So the swim...crocodiles (not those nancy gators but real man eating bastards) and sharks, bloody big ones. So swim fast but not too fast that you are out there alone.
Murky water, chop and don’t hit any of the Japanese you are lapping on the second lap..they are your best bet to avoid the sharks.
Don’t swim too slow....refer the buffalo theory.
The bike...while your spectators who didn’t take my advice and are stuck waiting on a bus for 2.5 hours doing a normal 40 min trip...you’ll be doing the first turnaround to Port Douglas (that’s where the rich wankers park their boats)...most likely you’ll be getting some tropical showers.
You will head back south and do the turnaround and head back to Port Douglas...some second rate announcer will call your name as you do the turnaround again.
Head back south and over something called knobbies hill, as usual during the back end of an IM ride, it is only a bump but feels like Everest.
The one joy will be passing some third rate pro who has called it quits and is on the side of the road.
The last 40 k’s will be into a head wind and will do your head in. Care of the rain, the debri on the road will cause a flat tyre (over here it ain’t a tire son but a tyre)...you will waste the first co2 container but get it done with the second, then shit yourself for the rest of the ride knowing you ain’t got another one.
Into Cairns for the run where despite the 3 lap run, there will be northern points where you can get away with walking in front of not too many.
Someone will say you are looking good when you know that is a lie.
Digesting about 600 milligrams of caffeine you will feel alive enough to get over the line...to have your name mispronounced but declared you are an Ironman.
Running the last few kilometers (not miles, are you listening!) the wankers sitting in the cafes may wonder why you are running now and not earlier. Just remember those tossers are 70.3 posers and have no balls to do twice that distance.
Over the line to find out that the after race food and drink is pretty poor in reality.
Don’t waste your time in that compound, nothing there for you really.
Get out to your family who have had a far better time enjoying the Cairns beach side pool (there cause with those sharks and crocs no one swims in the sea) than watching you for 30 seconds each run lap.
They will still think you are a legend despite your war stories of flat tyres, head winds, choppy swims and getting passed by the winner of the 50-55 women’s age group.
Seriously...a great race.
Limp home and avoid the cane toads...evil things.
Last edited by:
AussieIron: Apr 17, 18 8:54