On appropriate medications and my mind is settling down. The extreme anxiety is reduced, however I still find I have this underlying and often overwhelming sense of dread/sadness present. When I slow down for a minute my thoughts usually become dark/sad, and my stomach starts to ache.

Looking back I have always had this feeling, the anxiety, the dread/sadness. A feeling that I was never good enough, that something was always about to go wrong. This is just the worst it has been. I look back now at my bursts of anger, the hurtful words I would say to those I love when it would happen, and the scapegoating that would follow as I desperately attempted to lie to myself that I was not the problem, cognitive dissonance you bitch, and I see the pattern staring me in the face.

Exercise would temper the issue, but when I would stop the feeling would come back and my personality would begin to change and those around me would suffer. I have an amazing doctor, and I will be working with him for the next while until this gets sorted out.