My guess:
Wife found out you were banging the neighbor's daughter (hence why you contacted an attorney) who is 18-19 and is a first year college student who wanted to check the older man box on her to do list. And when I say to do I mean literally to do as you found out. The wife confronted you while you were doing vo2 max intervals. (smart woman btw since it'll be harder to get stopped and out of the way + you'll bleed out faster due to higher HR). she didn't think it through all the way due to rage. Instead of getting a 10 inch kitchen knife she grabbed a pairing knife, 4 inch max. She confronts you and as you're trying to explain and get off the bike the wife attacks! She slashes you in the groin nearly severing the jewels that were recently banging against the neighbors daughter. But she slashes you a few times before she slips on some blood that has splattered out & hits her head on the post tension concrete floor knocking herself out. You realize your wanker nearly got cut off then you realize you've got a couple of nice groin gashes. Since she's moaning and not out of excitement but bc she has a concussion you realize she's not springing up. You take off your shoes, call 911 and mosey into the house locking the door behind you AND putting a chair under the door handle. You then mosey out to the front porch wedging the front door shut from the outside just in case she got inside. Your lucky she didn't think of coming out the garage door.
Your neighbor who happens to be outside wants to chat with you about what happened and you calmly tell him you had a "bike crash" in your garage and that now isn't the time. you also let him know that you are going to hospital A when in fact you ask the paramedics to take you to hospital B (smart move bc hospital security isn't real security and women when upset well you've seen what they can do) The 18-19 yo, probably a fake blonde wearing heavy eye makeup and tends to dress somewhat between a punk rocker and a goth girl, is upset that your bleeding a lot. She's worried she may not get to check that box off again. The dad reads that scene completely wrong and thinks it's just bc you are bleeding which saves you from another beating. (you need to talk with that chick, but the reality is you should quit her, trust me punk rock/goth girls are trouble if my college experiences are an indicator)
You call it an "accident". I call it a woman scorned and call you lucky. Had she worn rubber soled shoes you'd be humping your weenie with just your 4th and pinkie finger but bc she slipped, got to love flip flops btw, you have your wanker and some cool scars in your groin region for the next door neighbor chick who you just can't quit (but should) to rub some ointment on.
BTW since the wife attacked you that's going to save you a decent chunk of money in the divorce. Always look on the positive side.
Truth of fiction?
Brian Stover USAT LII
Accelerate3 Coaching
Insta
Wife found out you were banging the neighbor's daughter (hence why you contacted an attorney) who is 18-19 and is a first year college student who wanted to check the older man box on her to do list. And when I say to do I mean literally to do as you found out. The wife confronted you while you were doing vo2 max intervals. (smart woman btw since it'll be harder to get stopped and out of the way + you'll bleed out faster due to higher HR). she didn't think it through all the way due to rage. Instead of getting a 10 inch kitchen knife she grabbed a pairing knife, 4 inch max. She confronts you and as you're trying to explain and get off the bike the wife attacks! She slashes you in the groin nearly severing the jewels that were recently banging against the neighbors daughter. But she slashes you a few times before she slips on some blood that has splattered out & hits her head on the post tension concrete floor knocking herself out. You realize your wanker nearly got cut off then you realize you've got a couple of nice groin gashes. Since she's moaning and not out of excitement but bc she has a concussion you realize she's not springing up. You take off your shoes, call 911 and mosey into the house locking the door behind you AND putting a chair under the door handle. You then mosey out to the front porch wedging the front door shut from the outside just in case she got inside. Your lucky she didn't think of coming out the garage door.
Your neighbor who happens to be outside wants to chat with you about what happened and you calmly tell him you had a "bike crash" in your garage and that now isn't the time. you also let him know that you are going to hospital A when in fact you ask the paramedics to take you to hospital B (smart move bc hospital security isn't real security and women when upset well you've seen what they can do) The 18-19 yo, probably a fake blonde wearing heavy eye makeup and tends to dress somewhat between a punk rocker and a goth girl, is upset that your bleeding a lot. She's worried she may not get to check that box off again. The dad reads that scene completely wrong and thinks it's just bc you are bleeding which saves you from another beating. (you need to talk with that chick, but the reality is you should quit her, trust me punk rock/goth girls are trouble if my college experiences are an indicator)
You call it an "accident". I call it a woman scorned and call you lucky. Had she worn rubber soled shoes you'd be humping your weenie with just your 4th and pinkie finger but bc she slipped, got to love flip flops btw, you have your wanker and some cool scars in your groin region for the next door neighbor chick who you just can't quit (but should) to rub some ointment on.
BTW since the wife attacked you that's going to save you a decent chunk of money in the divorce. Always look on the positive side.
Truth of fiction?
Brian Stover USAT LII
Accelerate3 Coaching
Insta
Last edited by:
desert dude: Dec 6, 14 16:25