Ladies and trolls of slowtwitch. Thanks for taking time away from your snivelling inlaws, and fat cousins to read my race report!
I am a turkey. My name is Snow. Snow Turkey.
Last year, I ran my first 5k and set a world record in the process. This year, I took it more seriously, got my pro turkey card (more about that later) and stepped up the training.
I also decided (like all good athletes) to try my hand at coaching. Below is a picture of me and my trainees. I am the good looking black and white bird, all puffed up in the back corner.
It has been a tough year for us turkeys. There was that vicious bird flu break out in the midwest. Millions of chickens and turkeys had to be put down. I wasn't suprised though. Us turkeys were not meant to be raised 10,000 at a time with less than 5sf each! We were meant to be outside, living a happy life, pecking bugs, jumping the hens, ext.. So as you all sit down, and eat your fat nasty butterball turkeys, remember the miserable conditions they were raised in!
We also had the issue of a reduction in the pro turkey purses. This has caused me some heart ache and pain. When the YMCA announced that they were taking away their pro race, I was stuck in a quandry! This is MY home course. It is right next door, and where I always train! Most of the patrons and townies know me, and they appreciate seeing me strut my stuff! So, I registered anyway (in truth, I got a sponsors exemption). I hope none of the other turkeys feel cheated by me taking the tiny little trophy!
Friday night before Thanksgiving is known as bloody Friday. My people make the decision on which turkeys will be kept as breeders, and which ones will be on someones plate. These people are vicous. I think they got their training from ISIS.
On to the race. As usual, I was plucked from my roosting bar and taken to the race sight. This year, my people upped the ante on turkey exploitation. They brought four of us, and set up a little pen at the YMCA. We strutted for the people, and gobbled as much as we could. But seriously, I know how the NCAA athletes feel. People lining their pockets through our hard work! I think next year we might go on hunger strike, and see if we can get the YMCA athletic director and president removed from power.
Out on the course there was a ton of course cutting. who are these people? And why do they do it? No one likes race reports anway, so I won't bore you. I ran fast. I finished strong. The people ahead of me are all doping. The people behind don't train hard enough.
--- Save this spot for ridiculous sponsor plugs. Twitter call outs. And #hashtagthehashtag#
My turkey time was 26:30, and I officially broke my own World Turkey Record.
Happy thanksgiving.. Fatties!!
Austin Hardy -
I am a turkey. My name is Snow. Snow Turkey.
Last year, I ran my first 5k and set a world record in the process. This year, I took it more seriously, got my pro turkey card (more about that later) and stepped up the training.
I also decided (like all good athletes) to try my hand at coaching. Below is a picture of me and my trainees. I am the good looking black and white bird, all puffed up in the back corner.
It has been a tough year for us turkeys. There was that vicious bird flu break out in the midwest. Millions of chickens and turkeys had to be put down. I wasn't suprised though. Us turkeys were not meant to be raised 10,000 at a time with less than 5sf each! We were meant to be outside, living a happy life, pecking bugs, jumping the hens, ext.. So as you all sit down, and eat your fat nasty butterball turkeys, remember the miserable conditions they were raised in!
We also had the issue of a reduction in the pro turkey purses. This has caused me some heart ache and pain. When the YMCA announced that they were taking away their pro race, I was stuck in a quandry! This is MY home course. It is right next door, and where I always train! Most of the patrons and townies know me, and they appreciate seeing me strut my stuff! So, I registered anyway (in truth, I got a sponsors exemption). I hope none of the other turkeys feel cheated by me taking the tiny little trophy!
Friday night before Thanksgiving is known as bloody Friday. My people make the decision on which turkeys will be kept as breeders, and which ones will be on someones plate. These people are vicous. I think they got their training from ISIS.
On to the race. As usual, I was plucked from my roosting bar and taken to the race sight. This year, my people upped the ante on turkey exploitation. They brought four of us, and set up a little pen at the YMCA. We strutted for the people, and gobbled as much as we could. But seriously, I know how the NCAA athletes feel. People lining their pockets through our hard work! I think next year we might go on hunger strike, and see if we can get the YMCA athletic director and president removed from power.
Out on the course there was a ton of course cutting. who are these people? And why do they do it? No one likes race reports anway, so I won't bore you. I ran fast. I finished strong. The people ahead of me are all doping. The people behind don't train hard enough.
--- Save this spot for ridiculous sponsor plugs. Twitter call outs. And #hashtagthehashtag#
My turkey time was 26:30, and I officially broke my own World Turkey Record.
Happy thanksgiving.. Fatties!!
Austin Hardy -
Last edited by:
Big Turkey: Nov 26, 15 8:16
