This just has to be the greatest thread of 2007!!!!!!!! I have been laughing for about the last 30" reading these posts!!!
HC

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Holden Cain, ObGyn..."People pulling people out of people"

This post is the greatest post ever, next to the "strange denizens of the gym" post.
Anyway, I just have to add "Reading-the-newspaper-in-a-lane-and-not-swimming" guy and "When-I-ask-to-share-the-lane-he gets-out-of-the-pool-upset" guy.

My favorite, though, just happened last week.
It was "Smoking-hot-and-swimming-on-both-sides-of-me" chicks. Best part was that I was faster than both of them.
Finally.
Usually it's "300lb.-water-walking" lady.

Happy New Year.
E

Hey, that's me...wow, I never thought that was denizen thread worthy. Glad I could give someone a few laughs.

Yeah, that's me also. I just hate the felling of my feet touching the wet floor.

Me too. That pool deck gets awfully cold in the mornings.

I can't believe this thing still has legs! Unfortunately, I think I became a strange denizen in my own right the other day.

My wife bought me this waterproof case to put my IPOD in so I could swim with tunes. It was a great idea, but the thing was seriously fiddly, and didn't work all that hot....its going to get returned. But, I messed around with it for about 1/2 hour in the pool the other day with lots of folks looking at me like I was nuts. Anyway, I am now probably the "IPOD dork" of SW Ohio.

Spot

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Taco cat spelled backwards is....taco cat.

no no- this has got to be one of the best posts of all time and one of the reasons I started hanging around ST-
this post had me laughin today because our Univ. pool is closed so I have to swim at the dreaded city pool (yes, Francois- westside)
AND-this being the last day I needed to swim there, ALL of the denizens decided to converge there today to bid me farewell and give me a good laugh
I forgot my flip flops ( I have caught foot-itis before so I wear them), I had hippos, guys watching under water, someone just jumping in my lane during my 5x100 IM, beligerent old ladies doing dog paddle and not letting anyone in their lane(hence my guest), guy racing me 1500 into my workout(which was nice actually), and the BF/GF fiddling around in one lane. The water was crystal so I could see everything. The guy in my lane actually stayed for another 1500 worth and gave me some great wave action and someone to "catch" down the lane :) it was a great time thanks to this post

This post is the greatest post ever, next to the "strange denizens of the gym" post.

No, I think the Dirty Secrets thread from a couple years back has that distinction.

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Awww, Katy's not all THAT evil. Only slightly evil. In a good way. - JasoninHalifax

Agree...I got sucked into reading that thread for about an hour one day...HILARIOUS!

I recently discovered "everything but swim" guy. As the name implies, he stays in the pool for about 40 minutes, but never swims. He's at least 70 and appears to be in good shape, but he insists on wearing a droopy old speedo and a strange bright orange water polo cap. He does handstands, underwater running, uses those floating dumbbell things, bobs off the bottom of the pool in the deep end, does pull ups on the starter blocks, and finshes it all up with sit ups and push ups on the pool deck. I guess he's harmless enough, except that he takes up a whole lane to do all this and it's impossible to swim past him. What is it about water that brings out the weirdos?

I've got a new one today, and I pray its just a one time thing- how about the kid that gets sick in the pool? I got to the pool after getting my new goggles and snorkel from swimoutlet. Get to the pool, swim a 50 warm up and the lifeguard kicks us all out, cause some kid puked in the open section of the pool. I will never again miss my 8am swimming time- but today I wanted my new goggles at least.

:(

How about this one?

The lockers require your membership card to be inserted so the key can be removed. Some absolute morons never bother to insert their cards, so the locker looks vacant since a key is still in the lock. You (I) have to open locker after locker to find one that doesn't have stuff in it. Well, tonight was especially bad. Every locker was taken, and there were at least 15 spread across the room with keys in that I had to look in (sure enough, clothes in each one). WTF? Eventually I get one, and a crazy old guy who constantly mumbles profranity and always chats up everyone about confrontational politics opens one up next to mine. Key still in. "Lost your card?" I ask. "No. I don't bring any valuables here, not even my card, so I won't have to be subject to this whole locker tyranny."

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Too f@ckin depressed from various injuries to care about having a signature line.

Sponsored by Blue Shield PPO.

Too funny...I just read all of them and can relate to all of these creatures of the deep. Someone should print this out, bind it and sell it as a book or a daily swim/tri calendar.

My recent encounters are the:
1. Sidestroke while walking on the bottom of the pool guy (does this for a mile and there is no way to swim around this guy).
2. Pool angel ladies who perform the floating modified (no arm) back stroke and have found the absolute minimum speed you can swim without submersing.
3. The 45 degree freestyle swimmer ladies who lay their hands so gently into the water (with extreme crossover mind you) that they come to a stop, every stroke, prior to any forward motion.
4. The water aerobics crew...these ladies hit my key senses with a bat:
a. Hearing...Their loud and yell numbers which helps me with lap counting and concentration
b. Taste/Smell...they "flavor" the water with a myriad of aged perfumes
c. Sight...enough said
d. Touch...I commonly have noodles floating into my lane and at times during my training I get the amazing sensation of swimming through tidal currents sucking me out to sea.
5. The spa is cesspool from all of the sweaty gym folks and teens
6. The locker room is like stepping into a parallel universe where nudity reins supreme

Turd boy....I forgot about this guy. Several high school teams practice at my pool. A few years ago it was the teams' last practice for the season. I'm settling into a long tempo paced swim when I notice that there seems to be no other people in the pool. As I approach the wall I hear a kid say "Sir, you might want to get out of the pool". The pool manager comes over and tells me that one of the high schoolers dropped a turd into the pool inorder to get out of their last practice. That little shit.......

For the first time yesterday I had "hold your nose underwater, grab the lane line to stay submerged and watch me swim guy"....total stranger...I have had folks I know do that, this guy however went from lane 4 to 2 so he could watch me in 1.

Odd...

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What if the Hokey Pokey is what it is all about?

"Jean Claude Van Shark Cage" - Mullet-maniac who believes that by practicing his cresent kicks over and over in the Aqua-robics lane, the water resistance will give him the edge he needs to finally appear on one of those "beat-the-crap-out-of-each-other" shows.

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"What's your claim?" - Ben Gravy
"Your best work is the work you're excited about" - Rick Rubin

I just started learning to swim. I thought I was doing well when the sight of the deep end no longer made me anaerobic. Then my boyfriend video taped me swimming. I am one of the denizens of the pool! I slap the water (audible across the pool? I'm not sure), I take about 3 minutes to do 100 meters, I swim with my head almost completely out of the water and every time I go for a breath I sound like a drowning victim...in fact I kick so frantically I sort of look like a drowning victim too!!!

I console myself with the notion that a good laugh makes people feel happier.....I am making a lot of pool-goers feel much happier every time they see me swim I'm sure!!

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Nor do I use punctuation in the way a child sprinkles glitter over a ribbon of glue on construction paper - Trash Talk

How about the people who use pool-owned gear like kickboards and pull buoys and then leave them spread all over the deck when they are done? I swim at a gym across the street from work during lunch and it looks like a yard sale sometimes with all the stuff left behind by people, when the bin for everything is right there by the door. I split a lane with a guy today who was using a kickboard and pull buoy and then just got out and left them at the end of the lane as he went into the lockerroom.

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"You can never win or lose if you don't run the race." - Richard Butler

How about ignorant bulldozer guy?

I often get assigned to this guys lane in masters swimming. He and I are pretty close in swimming ability. Navigating? Not so much.

You might think the thick black line at the bottom of the pool would make it easy to swim on your own side of the lane. Just stick between the line and the lane rope and you're good, right??

He is always drifting onto the line, then across - even in the freakin' shallow end. drives me nuts. Last night he was really on, so i told him "dude, just try to stay on one side of that black line, its not that hard". That worked for about 2 laps.

I told the coach, the coach gives him shit too and that lasts for another 3 or 4 laps. Of course we get tangled up later during a hard 200. Really screws up my workout always having to be on the lookout for him.

Oh, and if thats not bad enough he is a lolly-gagger too. When he leads, i have to let him get halfway up the pool so i dont catch up with him even when we are just doing 50s. And remember we are basically swimmers of the same ability level. Of course if those 50s are on 5sec rest, he has to wait 15.

One time about 2 months ago during a tough workout I ended up passing him a couple times and he got out and left halfway through practice.. sheesh.

From now on I think I will try and get into the cute girl's lane who is faster than me.

My apologies if I've missed it, but is "Old Lady Lugie" only a member at my pool? I am not sure if it's the way she horks it that grosses me out, or the fact that she does it AFTER EVERY FREAKING LENGTH.

I've been a long time lurker, but this thread is too good not to contribute something towards:

1. Pull buoy guy: There is a swimmer at my local, university pool who swims for one hour, every day. He uses a pull bouy every day, every swim, every lap.

2. Competitive guy: I frequently end up splitting a lane with this guy. I am only slightly faster than he is (neither of us break any pool records) and he always swims at an even pace for his entire session *except* when I begin to pass him, at which point he speeds up and forces me to either a) Slow down or b) Speed up so that we don't wind up swimming next to one another for the rest of the set. I mean, who are we racing here? Odd.

NEW SIGHTING at my pool!!!!

"Cologne Guy"....achhhh!!! OK, several have mentioned this before, but I have never dealt/smelt with it before...I am coming to the end of the pool, and all of sudden, WTF? Perfume in the water? How can that be? Sure enough, there is some dude who must have taken a frickin' bath in the stuff is standing there. The smell totally invades your nose without you even having to take a whiff. Nasty.

Spot

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Taco cat spelled backwards is....taco cat.

There is a guy at my pool that reaches for the sky when he brings his right arm ahead yet keeps his left arm underwater when he brings it forward. Is this some sort of physical therapy?

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Ride Scoozy Electric Bicycles
http://www.RideScoozy.com

I think that "Competitive Guy" is standard issue at almost every pool...some dude who can't stand getting passed no matter how slow he's going, and revs it into overdrive for a length, goes anaerobic, slows down, then repeats when you lap him again!

A similar species is "Race you for 50 yards guy"...he waits at the end of the pool for you to get there, then takes a huge push and races for 50 yards while you are in the middle of a 1500 or 2000 main set....

Spot

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Taco cat spelled backwards is....taco cat.