Okay, but was she hot? Sorry, couldn't resist.

I've got two. The first one is the typicall fat hair dude in a speedo. But, his is leopard print and he reeks of cologne. I swear I cam smell him underwater!

The second one is lady in the fast lane who does 50m, hits the timer on her wristwatch, checks her workout notes, then proceedes to do another 50m and so on and so on. What I want to know is if you're just doing 50m repeats, what on earth are you looking at on your swim notes?! She does this every time I see her at the pool!

Not quite a denizen in the pool, rather on the side...

Now that summer is here, my regular lifeguard/coach at the indoor Y pool is off sailing the intercoastal. In his place we now have really young high school, maybe college age, lad who is there every morning by 6am. However, he seems to not understand that we might want more than two lanes given that the first 2 hours is all lap swimming (only puts out one lane divider), then he proceeds to curl up in the lifeguard chair in order to catch up on his beauty rest. Fortunately, its mostly regulars who don't mind bumping into each other and who most likely won't drown.

~~~~~~~~~~

I totally agree with the retiree issue!!! We have a few that also do an elementary backstroke where you reach your arms out to the side. Takes up the WHOLE f&^*in lane so only one person can swim in it. Then when you ask them if you can share a lane they look totally put out! Also I cant help but wonder how many of the water walkin grandmas have bladder control problems...I try not to think about it too mUch.

---

Michael in Kansas
"Once you learn to quit, it becomes a habit"
"Its not whether you get knocked down, it's whether you get up" Lombardi

Last week, I came into.......mmm........we shall call him........"The Fluffer". Never seen someone stretch and warm up so much in my life.

I swear this guy stretched for 30 minutes, and that's no kidding. Also he brought in all sorts of swim toys and a small cooler - probably for his 1,000 calorie recovery drink. I thought maybe he was going to picnic in the bleachers.

Then, as I predicted, he was slower than sh*t in the water. Which I'm okay with, but let me tell you, if you prance around on the pool deck and stretch for 30 minutes, you better damn well be Gary Hall like in the water.

The funny thing is he did 1 25 yd length, and then went to all sorts of drills. Probably in the whole hour I was swimming, he got in a good 300 to 400 yds.

But at least The Fluffer had himself well prepared.

---

People I've loved, I have no regrets
Some I remember, some I forget
Some of them living, some of them dead
All I want is to be home ".....Foo Fighters, Home

A new one just showed up at my pool. Spider Lady. Last week she jumped in the lane next to me. This lady is freakishly fit. I have never met a female pro ironman athlete but I imagine that they look like this. So Im thinking "wow, I bet this woman is really fast". She is wearing an underarmour long sleeve shirt over her swim suit, which I thought was kind of wierd, but I stayed in the shallow end to watch her swim because I expected her to be awesome. I was horribly wrong. This woman does the scariest form of butterfly I have ever seen. She doesn't come up for air for the entire length of the pool and she moves her arms in little circles at her sides with massive fly kick. With her long sleeve shirt on it looks like a giant spider is coming to attack you.

"The Gambler" - this lady brought a stack of poker chips to the pool as a counting accessory. Every time she finished a 50, she would move a chip from one stack to the other. Kind of cute, actually. She was very nice and didn't mind sharing a lane, so I did my best not to splash her.

---

runfatmanrun.blogspot.com

My local Y has a 20yd pool where I swim 2-3 times a week during lunch hour cause it's close. No lane markers, 87-89 degree water and 4 'lanes'. In this pool I think we have most of the ones on this post but here are some of the highlights:

1. The whale: I give this guy credit, he started coming in about 3 months ago and never misses a day. Swims 1 mile each day but it takes him forever. He's about 6', skinny arms and legs and has a torso like a giant keg of beer. He swims 4 laps then stands for about 30 seconds in the shallow end against the wall while slapping his belly for a few seconds and catching his breath. Then repeats. He swims a combination free/breastroke where his upper body is doing freestyle but his legs are at a 45 degree angle to the horizontal in some kind of twisted modified frog kick. When he swims, I assume because of his size and the large surface area he is having against the water from swimming at an angle, he makes a huge 'bow wave' that goes throught the whole pool. Oh, and did I mention he always swims with a pair of brown softball/baseball long pants on?
2. Perfume lady: Some old lady that comes in with a shower cap on and gets in the corner of the non-lap lane in the deep end and hangs on the wall for a half an hour not really doing anything. When she gets in the pool you can taste perfume throughout the whole pool in the water.
3. The rookie: She's a younger girl, maybe early 20's that looks like she should be in decent enough shape and shows up with a normal women's training suit on and goggles. But she is terrified of the water and is always asking the guard for help. One day she wanted to learn to dive in the pool from the edge. Spend the entire time doing belly flops in the deep end (looked like the scenes from What About Bob where the dad is trying to teach the kid to dive). She also can't swim an entire lap without making a big S and running in and out of any and all lanes (remember, no lane markers) while doing freestyle but she also won't put her head in the water and keeps her eye's shut (with goggles on.)
4. The 'caseworkers': We have several caseworkers that work with autistic or other mentally challenged kids that used to come in and socialize while there clients would play in the shallow end. They used the excuse that it was adult swim and the clients were adults but the Y has cracked down on that saying that it is "lap swim". But there was one guy that would pace back and forth mumbling to himself in the shallow end and run into you while you were doing laps. Another guy would sit in the shallows with his back in the corner and everything but his eyes below the water and just stare at you. He would lift his nose out of the water every few seconds for a breath but other than that you felt you were being scoped by a crocodile.
5. Underwater guy: I think all pools have him, the one that swims 90% of his laps underwater then goes to the deep end and bobs up and down for a while.
6. The tough guys: Every so often someone new will come out of the freeweight room and ask the guard how many laps in a mile then try to blast out a mile in a full out sprint. They are usually wearing either body armour shorts or floral print clamdiggers and proceed to thrash around for a hundred or so yards then gasp uncontrollably and hang on the wall out of breath for a half hour. Then, in the locker room, they brag to their other meat head buddies (who probably just did a 3.5 minute cardio on the treadmill or bike) about how they just swam a mile or two.

Don't even get me started on the creepy locker room guys.

---

______________________

"Mr. and Mrs. Flesh Suit"

So, I pull into my pool for a lunch hour swim. I am getting my stuff together and casually notice a 50-something couple getting out of the car in front of me. I start to step out and then freeze -- Jesus Lord they are naked in the parking lot!

No wait, they're both wearing suits. Flesh-colored suits. And they wore them in their car, on the way to the pool, with nothing else on. The dude is rocking a skimpy Speedo, and his lady has the one-piece, but both suits are exactly the color of old-white-people skin. Did they pick these out together? Do they not know about dressing rooms? Get this aging Adam and Eve some fig leaves!

mm

Yikes, this is both hilarious and scary! Scary because I wonder if I am one of these folks.

---

--------------------------------------------------------------
http://www.usasportstraining.com
http://www.finisinc.com
http://www.triaids.com
http://www.trimapper.com

On occasion I have to swim in a similar pool. It's super hot so that the old aquajogger ladies don't complain, but luckily there are lane lines to separate me from this crew:

1. Middle aged guy, slightly overweight, who no matter how early i get there (5 am usually), is already in and swimming. His routine is usually to grab a water noodle, wrap it around the beer belly, and do 45 minutes of elementary backstroke and doggy paddle before retiring to the sauna for semi-nude calisithenics. total yardage is in the 400 yard neighborhood.

2. Another guy who I don't see as consistently comes literally jogging out of the locker room, does a dive start 50 fly, and gets out. that's it. (though lately he's been coming back about 20 minutes later to do a dive 25 fly/25 elementary back, for a grand total of 2x50 choice on 20:00). He, by himself, can create enough chop to make it feel like I'm swimming in open water.

3. A somewhat athletic older woman wears zoomers for her entire workout. When she's swimming, she doesn't kick - the zoomers just kind of hang out back there creating a bunch of drag. But when she grabs her kickboard, boy, look out - she GOES. I've never seen anyone do kick sets faster than her. However, when she drops the board and goes back to swimming, she quits kicking again too - back to 3:00 100s. She'd be an amazing swimmer if she ever puts the kick and stroke together.

I may now be a Denizon in my own right. Last week I was swimming at the YMCA. The young, pretty lifeguard who usually says "good-night" or "Thank-you" was silent and would not look at me. I got into the shower and found that the back of my suit was split about 8 inches. I am now "Ripped swimsuit guy."

...and we have a winner :-)
I was almost "Ripped Swimsuit Guy" but I saw that the entire crotch was ripped out just as I was about to get in the pool (the mesh was holding me together, though). The swim was scrapped for that day...

---

======================
"I'm Worth A Million In Prizes"

The kicking lady... 1-1:15 of non-stop kick sets.... I can barely stand to do 100yds.

Bumped for your reading pleasure.

I like this guy straight off:

Another guy who I don't see as consistently comes literally jogging out of the locker room, does a dive start 50 fly, and gets out. that's it. (though lately he's been coming back about 20 minutes later to do a dive 25 fly/25 elementary back, for a grand total of 2x50 choice on 20:00). He, by himself, can create enough chop to make it feel like I'm swimming in open water.

I love this post, It never gets old because there are so many wild "swimmers" out there.

I saw 2 this week that are worth mentioning.

• Another spin on Equipment man...Guy with snorkel, mask, webbed gloves, flippers, and ankle weights on...AT THE SAME TIME.

And this one may take it...

• Cell Phone Man. I would not believe it if I did not see it. The guy was talking on his cell phone, IN THE POOL...googles on...in between sets!

-love it, keep 'em comming

Sadly, I believe I was the strange denizen in our pool yesterday. An injury has reduced me to pool running. Oh, the pitiful sight.

Not to worry, pool running is an acceptable and normal activity... unless you are running laps on the bottom of the pool, then you may be considered a strange denizen of the pool. Anyone seen that yet?

Funny thing, my masters coach saw me in the pool and recommended that - with shoes on! I told him I would be just fine with the silly foam belt, thank you very much.

I have one guy that irritates the hell out of me. I'm sure someone else has mentioned someone similar, but since we're 400+ posts into this thread, I'm not reading it all to confirm.

Anyways, there's a 5am masters group at my pool. The pool is set up as LCM in the morning, and they have 6 out of the 8 lanes. There's probably two dozen people, at least, who work out in the mornings, but the slowest lane only has two guys. I swim in the first rec lane, which is next to the slowest lane.

The same guy always leads, and the second guy pushes off the blocks about two seconds after him. The second guy then proceeds to sit on the first guys feet through the entire workout, despite having the entire 50m lane to themselves. The second guy is a better swimmer, but he refuses to do anything but draft off the first guy.

Last week, the masters coach said something to the second guy about it, and he promptly got out of the pool and the left. First guy stayed.



This whole thing pisses me off for whatever reason.

---

----------------------------------------------------------
Existence precedes Essence.

I guess it was inevitable. The ubiquitous ST loathing of drafters has spilled over to the pool...

---

---

"100% of the people who confuse correlation and causation end up dying."

OMG- this is the best thread ever! I started back swimming this past week. I ran into snorkel guy, just doing lengths, I actually talked to him, as I will end up becoming tech boy- my paddles are around here somewhere, I need fins and more masks and stuff.

But for right now, I am totally unknown- I'm swimming in regular trunks(no jammers or speedos) and just get in, do what I need to do and get out- sucks kinda, as I was leaving the other day a very attractive female was getting into the pool, not that we would have shared a lane(4 lanes, 3 people) but still, nice to see someone under the age of antiques

Good one.

At my old pool we had a version of DEEP WATER GUY. This man would actually do laps with some sort of an epileptic stroke and at times during his workout he would stop at one the ends and ‘sit” on the floor of the pool. I’m not quite sure how he accomplished this? I would stop and wait in amazement for a few of minutes as he sat there in some state of zen.

Then on special days I would be blessed in the locker room with the guy who would dry off his nuts with the hand dryer-the lower one of course.

Masters groups aren't bad for wierdos. We have a guy in our Masters swim who is a doctor; a real, honest-to-goodness-MD, who can't read a workout to save his life. The coach explains what we're doing, and he stands there asking us whether we're supposed to go fast. He has one speed - all out, and doesn't really swim in circles, he's more of a middle of the lane kind of guy. With his super-wide stroke, you always need to know where he is, lest he kill you.

Recently, he's started leaving the slow-lane when he doesn't think the workout is hard enough. Problem is, most workouts are progressive. He leaves early, while we're going easy stuff, and gets in the fast lane in time for the hard sets. Usually, he gets killed. Still, he doesn't learn.

Bradley

My personal favorite-- "Ms. Chunky Brunette and White Suit"

...either get a darker swimsuit or go for a brazillian wax... please!

We have the same thing in my masters group. one guy who could never follow the set. If the board set 200m he would add the 25's outloud until he reached 200 so he would know how many lengths to do. And he could never remember what we were doing. He sensed our frustration and one day said "you'll have to forgive, Im a little mentally delayed". We thought ohhhhhh makes so much sense. After that we would explain the sets to him and count the 25's with him....turns out he's an oncologist who works in my department at school. He writes textbooks and is a first class world famous researcher.