This is very unorginal and paperback but I feel like I have been living underwater for the last three years. The biggest change after the surgery had been the clearity with which I am seeing things. Everything is crisp and clear again. I don't feel drugged anymore. I am really upset at what I am seeing.
My career is gone, I am making 10 fucking dollars an hour, I missed my war, my marriage is at meltdown, I'm fat, people have no respect for me because of the glazed over way I have been living my life and I am a lot dumber. All this in three years. All of this is new to me. I am used to screwing up and braking things but I always did that head up and driving forward. The last three years my head was in the sand.
I am not complaining though. Hell no, uh uh, no fucking way. What I have gotten back is my drive and humor. All I have listed above has happened I have no choice now then too reach down deep, grab hold and move. I have to rebuild what has been taken from me and not dewell on what went wrong.
One of the first things I did was ask my pops to head down to the book store and get me math and spelling books aimed at 6th graders. My smarts didn't come back. I have to rebuild them.
I have sat down with my wife and set goals from tomorrow to a decade from now. I have to rebuild from where I am. I am now where I have always loved to be. Pissed off with a fight ahead of me.
You peeps are wonderful I have said it once and will say it forever. Slowtwitch people are good people.
Like I have said before I am not going to be on a lot. My goal is none at all. Even though it takes no time and brain power to post here I need every ounce of time and energy to rise up again. A minute spent here posting is a minute I could use studying or planning. It is nothing personal just something that I have to do. Of course there is the chance I'll read something and just have to let you know how I feel. Hope not.
The bike. Yes the infamous bike. I have too much personal debt right now to even dream of getting one. So I will have no cash for a bike for about a year. In the mean time I have decied to lust after the Super Prodigy and keep that as my goal, damn it is pretty.
My dreams of Kona have not left. If anything they are stronger. My desire to descend into energy lab has only been made more vivid. I just have to grow up and put it off for a while.
So I have to stumble back to my room cycle my Beach Boys and Kingston Trio cd's through my Discman and continue my plans for world domination.
Love all of y'all.
p.s.
That Ageis T2 is freakin' sweet! Thank god for external cables.
customerjon @gmail.com is where information happens.
My career is gone, I am making 10 fucking dollars an hour, I missed my war, my marriage is at meltdown, I'm fat, people have no respect for me because of the glazed over way I have been living my life and I am a lot dumber. All this in three years. All of this is new to me. I am used to screwing up and braking things but I always did that head up and driving forward. The last three years my head was in the sand.
I am not complaining though. Hell no, uh uh, no fucking way. What I have gotten back is my drive and humor. All I have listed above has happened I have no choice now then too reach down deep, grab hold and move. I have to rebuild what has been taken from me and not dewell on what went wrong.
One of the first things I did was ask my pops to head down to the book store and get me math and spelling books aimed at 6th graders. My smarts didn't come back. I have to rebuild them.
I have sat down with my wife and set goals from tomorrow to a decade from now. I have to rebuild from where I am. I am now where I have always loved to be. Pissed off with a fight ahead of me.
You peeps are wonderful I have said it once and will say it forever. Slowtwitch people are good people.
Like I have said before I am not going to be on a lot. My goal is none at all. Even though it takes no time and brain power to post here I need every ounce of time and energy to rise up again. A minute spent here posting is a minute I could use studying or planning. It is nothing personal just something that I have to do. Of course there is the chance I'll read something and just have to let you know how I feel. Hope not.
The bike. Yes the infamous bike. I have too much personal debt right now to even dream of getting one. So I will have no cash for a bike for about a year. In the mean time I have decied to lust after the Super Prodigy and keep that as my goal, damn it is pretty.
My dreams of Kona have not left. If anything they are stronger. My desire to descend into energy lab has only been made more vivid. I just have to grow up and put it off for a while.
So I have to stumble back to my room cycle my Beach Boys and Kingston Trio cd's through my Discman and continue my plans for world domination.
Love all of y'all.
p.s.
That Ageis T2 is freakin' sweet! Thank god for external cables.
customerjon @gmail.com is where information happens.
Last edited by:
customerjon: Sep 26, 03 20:08