"TriSpouse" is my own personal tri-widow.

I was a pro skier back in the day. We make triathletes seem like caring sharing family oriented people! After I finished competing, I got into teaching and coaching. TriSpouse was one of my ski students. :-) She has had to put up with all sorts of my crap, but to be fair, A) she knew exactly what she was getting herself into by marrying me and B) I've had to put up with her crap too.

By loving each other, caring about each other and both being willing to compromise and let things slide from time to time, we have just got past 30 years being married. Our marriage has had it's ups and downs, like any marriage. Some of those downs have been caused by ironman of course.

The first IM is always the worst. Firstly, the poor entrant doesn't have a clue what is involved and has just bitten off more than they can chew. The solution is to train more, and that makes them grumpy, all the while the spouse suffers. Once the first IM is out of the way, then sanity has a chance of getting a look in. It won't necessarily win, but it has a chance of a toe hold in the relationship at least.

To get through any relationship takes communication (bitchin or shouting isn't communicating BTW), compromise and forgiveness. If you both really want it to work, and you take the necessary steps to get it to work, then it will work. It's only when one partner isn't committed enough to the relationship that it has the opportunity to fail.

You obviously care about your husband and your relationship (evidenced by your open letter to Slowtwitch), so I expect that if he has the same love and committment, his IM problem will be a mere blip in the road.

Best of luck, I hope you and he get things sorted.

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TriDork

"Happiness is a myth. All you can hope for is to get laid once in a while, drunk once in a while and to eat chocolate every day"

Eagleman half-triathlon in Maryland (Cambridge, I think). There was this quaint ice cream shop with those cute chairs with the twisted wire backs but it wasn't open on Sunday - the day of the race. The MBA in me wanted to call the owner and say you have the chance to make in one day what you probably make in three months - you're the only game in town - open and make a bundle. But, then realized, maybe they couldn't handle the volume or want the hassle. But, McDonald's and Walmart - open for business. This had to be one of the most boring places I have ever been!

Sorry - no, not the original poster. But, smart enough to 1) recognize the lady had it all covered and 2) flatter her with picking a similar moniker.

Wow, she must tell her friends how funny and motivating your humour is.

Should have stayed at the Hyatt cheasapeake bay ;0)
http://chesapeakebay.hyatt.com/...otels/index.jsp?null

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Official Polar Ambassador
http://www.google.com/...P7RiWyEVwpunlsc2JtQQ

Pre-Hyatt I agree w/ you aout Cambridge & family, post Hyatt, not so much....

http://chesapeakebay.hyatt.com/...ties/kids/family.jsp

Family/Teen Activities
Bringing the family to Hyatt Regency Chesapeake Bay Golf Resort, Spa & Marina? That’s wonderful! Whether you’re planning a vacation or simply having the family join you on an upcoming business trip, there’s plenty to keep kids of all ages occupied. Peruse our suggested family-friendly activities below, or visit our visit our offsite activities to get suggestions for day trips and family outings.


Miniature Golf
Enjoy playing miniature golf with the whole family.
Poolside Movies
Catch a family-friendly flick while lounging in the pool.
Roasting S’mores
Gather by our Grand Fireplace to roast S’mores every evening. A childhood treat everyone enjoys.
Discover our Blue Heron Rookery
Take a tour of the beautiful 18-acre nature preserve right here on the resort grounds. Our expert guide will introduce you to the native eastern shore animals. Maps and guided tours can be arranged through concierges.

Go on an Adventure
Explore the incredible landscape via bike, kayak or paddleboat. There are also plenty of hiking and jogging trails to see everything up close and personal. Our concierge can assist you in planning your offsite adventure.
Scavenger Hunts
Join us on a scavenger hunt adventure throughout the Chesapeake Bay resort to find some amazing and incredible treasures only found on the Eastern Shore.
Captain’s Parlor (Game Room)
Ping Pong, Air Hockey, Foosball, you make the call
Water Sports
Join us as we take a relaxing tour down the Choptank River taking in all the wildlife and amazing sunsets.

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Brian Shea
http://www.PersonalBestNutrition.com
Open-Water/Masters Swimming at the Jersey Shore:
Monmouth County NJ Ocean Swim/Masters Workouts

I missed this thread... can you post a link?

Ironman widow, if i was you, every time you husband gets dress to go running, cycling, swimming, i would crab him, and make crazy monkey sex to him, get him tired before is works out so he thinks of you the all time he is training,

i am NEVER to tired for sex,

are you so stupid to think that the moderators can't see the IP address you're posting from? or so stupid to not know what an IP address tells?

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“Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a harder battle.” - Plato

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ip_address

bravo!

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“Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a harder battle.” - Plato

jkcoop3 - I like you and think you have spunk too!

Your post made me laugh because recently at work I had to explain an IP Address to someone and finally, I just sent them that link!

Good lord, why would anyone resurrect a thread this old?

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The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits. -- A fake Albert Einstein "quote"

I took your post seriously (all of it) and for what it's worth, I would add to your numerous responses just the following: I'm a 44yr-old married guy with two young kids adn a very demanding job. I got into tri a couple of years ago and at a certain point, became quite obsessive about it all (as so many do) and it affected everything you described. Everything. At the beginning of this year, two things happened: First, my wife and I sat down and talked about the positives and negatives that came with the training and racing. Second, I got a coach who helped me balance my training time with everything else without feeling like I was "missing out". The result of these are that I am extremely aware of of how to balance my time and I have modified my goals to be able to spend more time with my family. In my case, this means focusing on olympic and 70.3 distance races, as full ironman distance racing requires too large a time commitment away from my family. I don't see that as a "sacrifice", but some might. It helped when my wife pointed out that I will likley be able to be a much faster and higher-placing age-grouper in these distances than I would be at 140.6 because the realities of my life schedule and priorities simply would almost certainly not result in getting fast enough at the full ironman distance. So, she noted, which would you rather do... strive to be on the podium in a 70.3 or just finish a 140.6 or two? This was a helpful perspective for me and may just ring true for others as well.

Bottom line: if I were single, I would train more and obsess more (and I still do both a LOT!). But I'm married and have two fantastic kids and have shifted my life around to ensure that they always come first. I dont know if this really helps in any way with your situation, but I sympathize and have been/are constantly aware of the balance and recognize that it takes a lot of work to maintain.

Someone, anyone with a link to the famous "sergio thread"????

I made the mistake of making Eagleman my first long course and apparently not learning about the Hyatt. My wife, 2 year old and 6 month old daughter got to pass the time in the upper 90's watching people they did not know finish. That was my first lesson, which bmanners has since shown me the light, plan events around the family and make sure you book a hotel with a waterpark built into it.

i think its this
http://forum.slowtwitch.com/...ergio_Thread_P980672

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“I’m not going to stop yelling because that would mean, I lost the fight!” Kenny Powers

You're a good guy.

This was good. When I did IM AZ last year, I went to Target and bought a little stuffed animal. I wrote a letter and put both in a zip-lock. At T-2, when I dumped my bag out, the volunteer said "look, you got a present." I told him it was for my wife. After the race, she told me she almost cried when I gave it to her. It didn't take much, but she felt appreciated. We now have a rule, she gets a vacation for any race that's Iron distance or longer. Although she said that my 19 year old son can go to AZ this year, but she said she'd go to Cabo for that race. We'll be in Cabo in March.

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TEAMFIREFIGHTER.com
STRIVE Omni Sport.com
Get Busy Living - or - Get Busy Dying

Cabo is great. It's where my husband and I honeymooned. I needed him to acknowledge the toll that Ironman takes on our marriage and he won't. We're separated and in the process of divorcing and I'm pretty torn up about it. Much I can't see living the rest of my life not being a priority to him and it doesn't seem to matter to him.

This makes me quite sad! As much as IM almost broke up my marriage, I still get sad when I hear of other who it has broken up, still makes me sad.

My wife and I have had our ironman problems, and have slowly worked towards our current compromise. I now only race IM every few years, and take entire years off racing. I now spend a lot more time with her, doing shared things we both enjoy, interspersed with jobs she wants done, like painting the house and such.

I paint the house one summer, knowing that the sooner I get done, the sooner I'm allowed (for lack of a better term) to get back to training and a full on race season the next summer. I'd like to race more and she'd like me to race less so we split it down the middle and bother suffer a little and win a little. Isn't that what a marriage is all about.

As for your situation, as much as you're unhappy about your situation, it's probably best to get out now rather than later. Look for someone who is better suited to the whole you, and you will be much happier.

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TriDork

"Happiness is a myth. All you can hope for is to get laid once in a while, drunk once in a while and to eat chocolate every day"

Really sorry to learn of your current struggles. Ya'll have grown apart. It happens. My wife and I had the similar problems and I don't do Tri's. Then cancer reared its ugly head and we didn't get the chance to mend things. That said, seven years later and two lovely girlfriends (not at the same time!), I'm happier than I've ever been in my entire life.

May you have the same good fortune.

^^^^^ THIS ^^^^^

Thanks for your encouragement. I don't dislike the concept of triathlon. I volunteered for 8 hours as a finish line catcher when he completed IM St George last year just so I could be there to put the medal around his neck. He did 3 last year. I just needed some compromise. Our marriages revolves around Ironman rather than Ironman revolving around our marriage. At 33 I want children soon (and thought he did too) and thought that having kids might put his focus on having a family, but feel it would have been an injustice to our future children to take that risk. It's still hard for me to understand the choice he made.

Hilarious!