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whatever floats your boat. i have rarely seen that work, where both husband and wife are hard at it for 25hr a week. i'm not saying it can't, i've just rarely seen it. i don't know if i've ever seen it. somebody always ends up sacrificing his/her gig for the other, and even then, it wears thin after awhile. i'm sure he can find a nice doormat who'll take it for the long haul. otoh, if he's retired, and has no need to work, and 25hr a week of training is what he does instead of working, i think that's okay. and i think it's okay if he does that every third year, of every other year. but when it's 45hr a week of work and 25hr of training, and no energy left over, year after year, that's rough on the S.O. i can see her point. or his point, if he's the one mowing the lawn, doing the dishes, watching reruns of i love lucy every night by himself.
I always thought I had it pretty good, but after reading this post, I KNOW I do. My wife and I are both fanatical about exercise, though for different reasons. I should also note that we are both in our second marriages, and didn't do the second time around until our late 30s...maybe that has a lot to do with it.... That and we both consciously have chosen not to have children, not to live in a McMansion with all the home issues (have a small townhome in the mountains), have a few disparate groups of friends who are all active in some manner, have the same long range goals, and prefer to cook our own meals. So the only real 'issue' we have is what to do with our running partner when we leave for a long weekend and the weather is too hot or the destination doesn't take dogs (running partner is a Siberian).
We alternate and sacrifice. This year is my year. I train all the time (as does she) but the focus is on me doing two IMs, and numerous other distance traiathons, including three HIMs. She sherpas. So far, I keep PRing (only been doing this for three years...so still getting faster), and her multisport times are not getting faster. She isn't necessarily happy with it, and I get the flack for having the focus on me, but it soon ebbs as we remember that next year is her year for xterra stuff (her run is improving, though!). After November, I get little or no say in what and where we go next year.
Her focus was to qualify for Boston, which she did. Next year I am sherpa. This has worked for us for a few years now, and there is a bit of comfort in it.
The thing that has really made it work, however, is that we actually talked about it. I would wonder how old the OP is, and how long they were together before they started the "American Way" of 2.4 kids, big house, SUVs, kids in everything with front door shuttle service, etc. My first marriage was a horrible failure as I seemed to be doing what came next in life - not what I wanted, and I wasn't honest with anyone.
That changed, and it works now.
My $.02