Great troll, I wish I had thought of it myself!

she said in the second post that she has had many conversations with her husband over the years, so i am not sure that the criticism is justified. i guess i am reading it more as a point to all ironmen than an alternative to speaking to her husband about it. but based on the fact that there are still conflicts between the two, i agree that communication is breaking down.

i whole heartedly agree with the men not reacting well to emotional rantings. perhaps this is where there is the split. based totally on the way i react, if the gf blows up at me about something, that is not really effective at changing the way i act in the long term. for a week or so, i will be sensitive, but then i will think that she has moved on. this seems to be what ironwidow says happens also. i think this is, perhaps unfortunate, but very common in male behavior. consistent assertive criticism is the most effective imho.

Wow.

BEST POST EVER.

Thanks for the read. That was fantastic.

Debi, you hit the nail for me why I stopped doing long stuff. Yes, I got to the finish line, but was it a race? Not for me.
But, in an Oly or Sprint distance, I just open it up the entire time and see what happens. There is no pacing or holding back,
just going for it. Now, if I had no speed, maybe I would have all the reasons why an IM distance is better.
But still having a little speed makes the shorter stuff much more of a race for me at the moment.
But, not trying to say what is better, BUT, if one is trying to weigh what is more important, a family
or IM, well, that is real real easy for me!!

Dave

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Dave Campbell | Facebook | @DaveECampbell | h2ofun@h2ofun.net

Boom Nutrition code 19F4Y3 $5 off 24 pack box | Bionic Runner | PowerCranks | Velotron | Spruzzamist

Lions don't lose sleep worrying about the sheep

Almost anyone can be an Ironman - but it takes character to be a real man.

Thank you for that fantastic post.

HeatherC

Maybe the only way she can get him to listen is by posting on this forum. I'm sure that there are plenty of folks who spend all their time training, except when they are on this site.

(LDV, this isn't directed at you)

It's kind of laughable that there are so many folks criticizing IronWidow for being selfish and or influenced by Oprah. I am only marginally involved in tri culture, and I know at least half a dozen people, men and women, that fit the characterization of totally absorbed triathlete. They only stop when they need surgery, or are told they can run EVER AGAIN.

Heck, in 2004, I was that guy. I basically worked and trained, and posted on this forum. This year, I intentionally undertrained for IMLP. Yes, I was slow. and it hurt more, longer. But I didn't miss any family get togethers, I went to some shows with my wife, and I tried to be there so we could do the things we like to do together(which involves lots of pub time with friends, as it happens.) Yes, just spending time together. BTW, I really enjoyed the race.

You know what IronWidow really needs? She needs to be allowed in the finish chute so she can run across the line with her IronMan. Then all will be well, he will appreciate and love her for all she has done for him, and she will experience the thrill and sense of accomplishment that comes with being in someone else's finisher's photo. Until after the divorce. Then she can burn it along with his tri shorts and training diary.

Regarding 25 hour training weeks: If you train more than 15 hours a week, and you aren't looking for hardware, you're just a workout junkie. Accept it, get over it. If this is a social thing, super, but if it's at the expense of your personal responsibilities, seriously, you need to fix some stuff.

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I bought my wife a P3C. Problem solved.
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TriRaceBook.com
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Hawaii Qualification Analysis

stay alive post stay alive..

breathe damnit breathe....

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http://www.GetEndorFit.com
Personal Training and Sports Conditioning
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I hope some on ST read, and can learn the easy way, but, ........

Dave

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Dave Campbell | Facebook | @DaveECampbell | h2ofun@h2ofun.net

Boom Nutrition code 19F4Y3 $5 off 24 pack box | Bionic Runner | PowerCranks | Velotron | Spruzzamist

Lions don't lose sleep worrying about the sheep

My question to everyone on this list who does them - is an event where you have to focus on managing your resources really a race?

Well, let's see. It's a timed event and the person with the fastest time wins. Sounds like a race to me.

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Steve Perkins

You sent this to Muffin Top? You do realize Muffin Top is a man, right??

That was funny!
Fred.

...and the longest post ever!

i used to do the long stuff. i don't do any races that take more than 3hr. i don't train more than 12hr a week, usually more like 8hr or 9hr a week. maybe if i was single i would train more. i don't know. probably not. i have a lot of other interests now. but then this is my 30th year of doing triathlons, and you can't keep up that frenetic training pace for that long, or even half that long.

your husband will get over it. you can help him get over it quicker if you bang him over the head, but not until after this current race cycle is over. give him this race, and then give him kona if he qualifies, but then put the hammer down and tell him nothing longer than a half for the next three years.

then go out, get yourself in top shape, and kick his ass ;-)

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Dan Empfield
aka Slowman

Regarding 25 hour training weeks: If you train more than 15 hours a week, and you aren't looking for hardware, you're just a workout junkie. Accept it, get over it. If this is a social thing, super, but if it's at the expense of your personal responsibilities, seriously, you need to fix some stuff.

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Where do those 15h come from ? Is that some kind of a magic number or have you done some studies about how, when you pass that red line, you need to hire a psychotherapist...

yes, but i was addressing the main letter...i thought?

But worth it. This thread has the potential to rival Dirty Secrets.

No, you replied to MuffinTop.


And it was funny! ;)

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"Wow, are you a triathlete?"
If spoken by a non-swimmer, that's a compliment. When spoken by a swimmer.... -glitch
My wife's blog http://www.hostilewit.com

give him this race, and then give him kona if he qualifies, but then put the hammer down and tell him nothing longer than a half for the next three years.

I would be very careful about ultimatums, Ironwidow, it may backfire.

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I have failed at many things, but never in my desire to try again.

Hah okay sorry, i'm new to the whole posting thing...i guess i was 'agreeing' with muffintop...and then went on my own rant. whoopsie.

I hear ya, with the addition of the word "love" and "physical" you have changed the meaning. There is no doubt that appearance has a part of sex appeal, for both men and women. It is when a relationship is based only on physical attraction that it is shallow. That somehow if a person for one reason or another gained weight, they are suddenly not a suitable for sex, the marriage is ruined. (the original comment was made in reference to marriage, not sexual attraction).

And I I know a lot of women who are attracted to men based on their income level. Equally shallow if they lose thier attraction when they guy loses his job or wealth for whatever reason. They can justify it because as we all know, poor people are lazy and stupid.

Both might be "the way it is, or the way humans think". Sex is only one component of marriage, a big one, but not the only one. Sex drives can wain over time, for many reasons, even for the most attractive people. There has to be a lot more than superficial values for a marriage to pass the test of time. No judgments here, not everyone has to have long term relationships if they value appearance or wealth above all else.

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Support Crew
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You're right. It was very good. Actually, I told Bob I should have used smileys or something to indicate I was just being a smartass.

"I would be very careful about ultimatums, Ironwidow, it may backfire."

no more ironmans for awhile is an unreasonable stand to take? based solely on what she's written, and stipulating that it's an even-handed accounting, obviously she's tried to have the reasonable discussion, the negotiated settlement, and all of that. none of that has worked. at some point, you have to put the hammer down. if he says no, i'm not going to settle for sprints and halfs and an IM once every third year, then i can think of a lot of great triathlete men who'll be happy to offer her a balanced, reciprocal relationship.

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Dan Empfield
aka Slowman

Hey, it actually didn't come off as sounding mean-spirited or anything. I was just taking another opportunity to express my appreciation for the best read I've had all week.