Bike motors.

Some would say carrying your little brother across the finish line should up be there too.

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Don't drown. Don't crash. Don't walk.

sabotage of other racers equipment (someone has stolen shoes and I've had a transition bag moved out of order by someone-saw the person do it)

Then there is interference with others races....either physical like punching in the swim or even moving signs so they go off course

Lying about a race you didn't do, or telling a time that is much much faster than you did are at the top of the list, you go to hell.

Cutting a course is a close second and you still go to hell. There are three categories in this arena, those who premeditate their cutting and plan a strategy for it, those who for lack of a better term commit a crime of passion, just happen to see an opportunity present itself during the race and they choose the devils advice, and those that mistakingly cut a course, but then don't turn themselves in. Entire group goes to hell..

Next up is doping, and there are too many variables to even begin to break it down. SO I will just say there is institutional doping, individual doping, and inadvertent doping. In most cases you don't go to hell on these, but the devil does make allowances for grievous dopers.

Drafting, crossing dismount lines, or breaking any other infractions are the least damaging, but even here the devil gets a few to hell. Kevin Moats who used a mirror most his entire career so that he could sit smack dab on someones wheel in the bike and get away with it, and have not a single ounce of remorse, he gets the redline straight down. He of course also is tagged onto the doping train there, so he was going no matter what. Other than that it all breaks down to sitting on a wheel vs crowding the zone a bike length or two. One is way worse than the other, lots of folks out there trying to actively form pace lines in races. I have seen it first hand and it is ugly. Others are pretending to be judicious, but from time to time they get in the zone and don't make the pass, they go to purgatory. Wheel suckers go straight to hell, especially the premeditated ones. Wheelsucking of passion gets a slap on the wrist as does dismount lines, bar end plugs, and other minor infractions..

This is a good summary. Even though it is technically not "cheating" I would put actively using doping products with a legal TUE one step above actively crowding the draft zone at 1-2 lengths back vs blantant wheel sucking at 1 inch back. Of course the example at hand (Sir Wiggo) doesn't do tris), so the entire drafting grouping just disappears from your list for him. I'd still put it above an extended sticky bottle (Nibali style) even though rules wise Wiggo is off the hook but Nibali was tossed from the Vuelta.

Washing age group off of calf...

similar to criminal behavior, premeditation makes it worse.

so if you're a fan of EPO or steroids or HGH or whatever, you can be a cheat 6 months prior to your event. you don't even need to get to the start line and you're a cheat.

motors would be the same.

course cutting is next. you can pretend it was heat of the moment but its akin to a hand ball in soccer. you KNOW that you did something wrong.

drafting is relegated to "in game" status. sadly. many view it like a foul in basketball. sure, its against the rules, but part of the game.

mess with the course or your competitors's stuff? that's just insane.

Monty, I'm surprised you listed doping as far down as 3rd.

I don't consider punching or intentionally kicking somebody in the swim cheating. I bet a bunch of people here feel it is their right or part of the game to swim over slower swimmers who get in their way. While slower swimmers should definitely move to the side. Many new triathletes new to OWS struggle with their apprehension enough to have to deal with some dickhead who feels entitled to swim over somebody. The behavior I've seen displayed by faster swimmers deserves a good kick in the face. If that causes them to bow out of the race or even have to get pulled out and DNF, so be it.

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"In the world I see you are stalking elk through the damp canyon forests around the ruins of Rockefeller Center. You'll wear leather clothes that will last you the rest of your life. You'll climb the wrist-thick kudzu vines that wrap the Sears Towers. And when you look down, you'll see tiny figures pounding corn, laying stripes of venison on the empty car pool lane of some abandoned superhighway." T Durden

seriously? Lol I guess compression socks makes you a cheater then since you are covering the age hahaha

Not cheating per se, and totally legit, but I think it's worth a mention.

I've been eyeing getting back into the marathon game again, and was researching "BQ-friendly" marathons (I used to run marathons, never BQ'd but ran a 3:14 at San Francisco.)

It's pretty shocking to see what a large difference in the profile and difficulty of the races are. For example, when I ran a 3:12 at SF, it was in the top 5% of finishers.

In contrast, some of these races have a 20-30% BQ finish rate, and one of them in Las Vegas with a 40% BQ rate!!

Now I know someone is going to say, "well some marathons just attract a well prepared BQ crowd', but when you look atht elevation profile, it's just not fair. Seriously, the 40% BQ marathon REVEL Mt Charleston in Las Vegas, has a net drop of 5000+ feet. Ok, I know the pounding is rough on the legs over 26.2, but there's no way you can convince me that that pounding offsets a 40% BQ rate.

Now I'm also going to admit that I'm going to 'legally cheat' in my next get-go and choose a VERY BQ-friendly race. Like 20%+ of the field BQs. But I'm under no illusion that it's going to be anywhere near as good as my 3:14 at SF.

Washing age off leg used to bother me. Yes, wearing compression too. But for the last 2 World's 70.3, we had no age group markings. Anyway, you just go race 100% and not worry about who is in your group. If you do not know, better go with her/him.

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Team Zoot So Cal

Course cutting or motors would be worse than doping, because at least the doper harms himself and does the full event for the results even though the results are jacked up. course cutters have no physiological downside and don't do the entire course, which is why I feel they are the worst of the lot. To me that is a slam dunk

Kim Litton, Marathon Man, has to take the cake on this one. The guy invented an entire race! What a dentist maneuver.

Seriously?

Talk about moral relativity.

"Monty, I'm surprised you listed doping as far down as 3rd."

that doesn't mean he's soft on doping. he and i have talked a lot about this. you can kinda sorta be semi-honorable, or be honorable inside of a circle of dishonor, and be a doper. course cutting is something else altogether.

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Dan Empfield
aka Slowman

Are you insane? This would be like saying that elite marathoners running 2:03.xx are CHEATING by doing Berlin or London? If the course is certified, its just called choosing a fast course for a fast time. That's not cheating. Taking the subway partway through the race, using EPO, riding part of the race on a mountain bike....well those would be cheating.

All of this + carrying brother across the finish line totally cracks me up. Competitive age groupers covering age with leg compression is a big pet peeve, but Monty put it all best (except I disagree where doping belongs in his dante's inferno).

This is an early draft of an internal ITU document that is being negotiated with Dante, Vergil and Beelzebub. They're working out the details, but this is a committee and Ouiga board connections can be sketchy. No matter.

1. Doping--premeditated and designed to provide an unfair advantage. May well damage the body while making it stronger, but it damages the soul of the doper and cheats others. Should be injected with several gallons of pig fat until body bursts in a glorious explosion. (Ninth circle of Hell).

2. Course cutting--usually premeditated and designed to provide an unfair advantage. Has spawned the Rossi Mat industry and shamed the sport of triathlon with front page NY TImes articles. Should have Google Maps permanently disabled on iPhone and other devices. (Eighth circle of Hell.)

3. Drafting on bike--undertaken in the heat of competition, but with full knowledge of the unfair advantage being gained. Those who engage in this behavior repeatedly should be banned from future races or be forced to wear aero helmet backwards. (Seventh circle of Hell).

4. Mechanical doping--attempted by those who were fired from LBS and want revenge upon the multisport community as a whole. These sinners fail to understand the need for forgiveness. Must submit to being skinned alive by inexperienced but well-meaning wetsuit strippers. (Sixth circle of Hell).

5. Damaging equipment of others--often committed on race day when an opportunity arises and designed to slow a select athlete without giving oneself an advantage. Requires a rotten soul or lack of church attendance on previous Sunday. An uncommon tactic, but worthy of being boiled in liquid tar or, if necessary, exposed to ST witch hunt when it happens. (Fifth circle of Hell).

6. Interfering with progress of others--can be committed at any point in the race and usually done to those in same age-group who took the final podium spot. Necessitates public humiliation by being carried across finish line by older brother for eternity. (Fourth level of Hell).

7. Losing chip in full-IM event--may or may not have happened inadvertently, but it's so hard to do that the level of stupidity necessitates removal of eyelids. (Third level of Hell).

8. Making excuses while talking to athletes who finished in front of you--just shut up. Tongue to be burned out and served at part of pre-race meal for newbies on Paleo diet. (Second level of Hell).

9. Mentioning own race results from 20 years ago in ST thread--really, just shut up. FoxP2 gene undergoes spontaneous mutation leaving one unable to discuss previous glories in public. (First level of Hell).

Edited to add suggestions from Committee members. Special thanks to Beelzebub for suggestions and to Dante for typing up meeting notes.

I guess I should have said intentionally punching. Or even grabbing someone's legs to pull them back. It happens. Accidents happen in the swim, but there are also some intentional actions that can interfere with someone's race. That's cheating if you ask me.

Hey - I didn't say it's outright cheating - but it's "like" cheating.

There's no way a course with 5000+ ft elevation drop over 26.2 can be considered remotely fair to BQ against a flat course.

The WR courses like Berlin and London are all approved for WRs. These crazy net downhill courses I'm talking about are NOT. Big difference.

I'll still give someone due credit for BQing at a big-drop 26.2, but you're not going to convince me that a top 40% finish (which earned you a BQ at the REVEL Mt Charleston) compares fairly to a non-BQ top 5% performance at something like SF. If I earn my BQ that way, I'm putting a little asterisk by it in my brain, for sure.

I am surprised it hasn't been discussed much previously but one of the easiest ways to blatantly cheat would be to buy a selection of different colored swim caps and then choose which wave you want to start in. Mind you, some races have you passing over a timing mat to start off so it wouldn't work there.

I think that cheating could be categorized into a number of 'tiers' from worst to least worst. IMO:

1 (worst): Cheating that directly and purposefully interferes with another competitor to allow you to beat them. E.g. riding them off the road etc
2: Cheating that does not directly interfere with another competitor but is a deliberate action by you. E.g. course cuting, doping
3: Cheating that directly interferes with another competitor but is not deliberate.
4: Cheating that does not directly interfere with another competitor and is not deliberate.
5: Cheating that is a technical breach of the rules, but has no major impact on the race or competitors.

Monty, I agree with much of what you say, but I disagree on some points (hey, it's a discussion forum right?)

To me, it's actually a bit simpler that you spell out

If you pre-meditate a cheat, I see that as all the same. Each way of premeditated cheating leads to hell in my book. Drug cheats are worst, they go to the very pit of hell. They are cheating and going to extreme lengths to hide the cheat.

Lying about races or results is equal part bad and sad in my view. Hell is the destination, but not with the dopers, but they can chat over the fence.

Inadvertent cheat, there's all different types of opportunities that present themselves to a weak moral racer, but they are headed to the first level of hell.

The accidental cheat, (honestly) taking a bad supplement (not a contador type accident) I think is a stupid person not a bad person. An acquaintance of mine got pinged for poppy seed bread the morning of the race that he won. He got a 6 month suspension and I think that's fair and so did he. I suspect the ribbing from friends was worse than the 6 months off racing. He has learned his lesson and he's headed to one of the less good parts of heaven, by passing hell.

I have cheated once in a race. I was using sustagen with milk as race fuel. It doesn't keep unrefrigerated overnight, so I had my wife hand it to me as I left T2. I'm going to hell anyway, and this won't send me to a worse level so I'm not too worried. For the next race, I changed race nutrition so I didn't have to cheat again.

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TriDork

"Happiness is a myth. All you can hope for is to get laid once in a while, drunk once in a while and to eat chocolate every day"

How is that cheating when it doesn't even break a rule?! you can even just tell the body marker the wrong age. If you think that's a violation you haven't been racing long enough. plus, at the pointy end of your wave, you should know where you are in your field. If you don't, then you have no business worrying about an AG podium.