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long week
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Monday morning I got some news that I had landed a grant. Super awesome as it's for an afterschool program (read: way more exciting than a research grant IMO).

Monday morning I got an email that one of my (college) students had died on Sunday. Blood clot, freak thing, nothing anyone could have done. I had to tell my other students (the counseling center people sort of pressured me into this by saying the research best practices are that that news is taken best when it comes from someone students know. I have a lot of anger about them putting that sort of pressure on me. I'm a student.)

Wednesday I submitted my dissertation. It felt surreal for two seconds then I started sobbing. I think putting the finishing touches on it had kind of acted as a dam for grief.

Thanks for listening. I'm so emotionally exhausted.

Proud member of Fishtwitch and the ST Grammar Police
send a PM for blog accesshttp://www.tigerchik2.wordpress.com
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Re: long week [tigerchik] [ In reply to ]
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How terrible that you were put in that position when you had your own grief/loss to deal with. Best practice or not, that's a big toll on you. I'm sorry for your loss and the situation you found yourself in.

I don't know if you're a hugger, but sending a virtual one in case you are. Hope you get a chance to unwind and make yourself a priority for the next little while.
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Re: long week [tigerchik] [ In reply to ]
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Congratulations on completing your dissertation!

Celebrate the deceased student's life if you knew them well. If not, then find comfort knowing that you rose to the occasion and performed a difficult professional duty.

I shall be attending memorial services for a friend who died too soon this weekend. Life is precious.

Wag More, Bark Less
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Re: long week [tigerchik] [ In reply to ]
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tigerchik wrote:
Monday morning I got some news that I had landed a grant. Super awesome as it's for an afterschool program (read: way more exciting than a research grant IMO).

Monday morning I got an email that one of my (college) students had died on Sunday. Blood clot, freak thing, nothing anyone could have done. I had to tell my other students (the counseling center people sort of pressured me into this by saying the research best practices are that that news is taken best when it comes from someone students know. I have a lot of anger about them putting that sort of pressure on me. I'm a student.)

Wednesday I submitted my dissertation. It felt surreal for two seconds then I started sobbing. I think putting the finishing touches on it had kind of acted as a dam for grief.

Thanks for listening. I'm so emotionally exhausted.

so the counselling centre deferred their responsibility 'in the interest of the students' and placed a student dealing with grief and dissertation submission under the added pressure of bearing the news. That's inexcusable. I'd send a strong letter once you've had a bit of time to process -- there needs to be a better protocol.

It might be good to celebrate your grant and dissertation with friends at a separate meal out or little party or picnic where you can focus 100% on how amazing those achievements are. Congratulations -- huge milestones!
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Re: long week [tigerchik] [ In reply to ]
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I'm so sorry to hear about all this, TC. It's hard when a week starts out so promising and then ends up so difficult.

I'm with the others on this. I think it was BS for the Counseling Center to put that on you. If anything, they should have done it with you. And knowing you, I'm sure, after you've had some time to think about it, you'll ask them for the research supporting their "best practice." I bet it looks a lot different than having another student share the news.

"Ain't no shortcuts to the Opry."
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Re: long week [tigerchik] [ In reply to ]
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Congratulations on submitting your dissertation, tigerchik. I hope you are able to celebrate this achievement soon.

I'm so sorry you are having such a rough week. I know we're all just strangers from the internet but you and your students are in my thoughts -- sending love from SoCal.
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Re: long week [tigerchik] [ In reply to ]
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The emotional up and downs of your week sound very exhausting. Take care of yourself and remember to celebrate the good stuff.
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Re: long week [tigerchik] [ In reply to ]
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That is one heck of a week. Congratulations on your dissertation. That is a big deal. When do you defend?
That was crappy of the counseling center to dump on you. It is a lot of pressure and some people can have a very hard time finding the words to say.

So is this weekend going to be spent drinking or sleeping?
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Re: long week [happyscientist] [ In reply to ]
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So is this weekend going to be spent drinking or sleeping?

Sleeping and reading and relaxing.
Thanks for the congrats.

Thank you all for the support. I think I need to spend some time writing in my journal because I know that will help.

Proud member of Fishtwitch and the ST Grammar Police
send a PM for blog accesshttp://www.tigerchik2.wordpress.com
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Re: long week [SallyShortyPnts] [ In reply to ]
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find comfort knowing that you rose to the occasion and performed a difficult professional duty.

This phrase is really helpful. Thank you.

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attending memorial services for a friend who died too soon this weekend. Life is precious.
I'm sorry for your loss.

Proud member of Fishtwitch and the ST Grammar Police
send a PM for blog accesshttp://www.tigerchik2.wordpress.com
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Re: long week [tigerchik] [ In reply to ]
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Dear TC

Firstly, huge congratulations on handing in your dissertation.

Secondly, yes I agree it shouldn't have been your responibility to give your students this sad news. You must have been feeling extremely emotional and nervous, this is not good for someone who suffers from anxiety. However, there is a part of me that is relieved you were the one to share this news. Obviously the counselling center doesn't have a lot of experience in such matters. Thankfully your students could hear about the passing of a friend from someone who cares and shares their grief.

I hope you are feeling a bit better today.

Anna x
Last edited by: Anna s: May 19, 17 23:17
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Re: long week [tigerchik] [ In reply to ]
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That's quite the week, indeed... hope you succeed in taking some time to rest up. Training stress isn't the only kind of stress we need to figure into our recovery schedule. Take care.

http://must-be-half-crazy.blogspot.ca/
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