Not so much this time of year, as I've allowed myself to slack off the past 2-3 months both in the exercise and eating well departments, but during race season, I had several friends who would constantly try to force extra food on me. Was I relatively thin for my frame? At 5'6 and 118, yes a bit, but was I unhealthy? Definitely not! Also, I was trying to get in as many calories as possible, but sometimes I'd just be too full or tired to cram in as many as everyone felt I needed.

Unfortunately, aside from actually gaining the 5-10 lbs I have recently, I never found a way to convince people that I was eating enough while I remained at my race weight. I'm sure I'll have to deal with it again next race season as well. As you mentioned, even if you were to tell them that you eat enough, they're always going to wonder what you do behind closed doors. Sorry I can't be of more help in the advice department, but I thought I'd let you know that I at least empathize with you!

I've gotten the "too skinny" comments all my life, and to top off the inappropriateness, it's usually with an extra air of contempt.


I've never had someone casually toss the word "anorexic" at me (even when I WAS), or had someone follow me to the bathroom (even when they SHOULD have). My "too skinny" comments have come mainly from people who were either 1.) clearly uninterested in health, 2.) struggling with their weight or body image, or 3.) my Grandma.
I'm torn between thinking that it sucks to have to defend healthy eating, but also thinking that, if the people making specific comments and following you are actually close to you (rather than random catty co-workers, or something), it might be nice to talk to them directly about their concerns.

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http://www.extramilenutrition.com

Have you ever had eating issues?

If it was an issue in the past I find people do pay a lot of attention going forward as they tend to worry about how you're doing.

Have the people that are monitoring and worrying about you had eating issues?

I have a close friend who is both anorexic and bulimic. Anytime she sees a woman who is thin (not even crazy skinny) she assumes they have an eating issue. Maybe she can't imagine a scenario where someone can be thin without being obsessed with eating.

Then there are probably the people that are a bit jealous and since they can't get rid of those last 10 lbs they want to make themselves feel better by bringing down some who is where they want to be.

I also think that people that don't do sports have no idea that if you're serious about it you want to fuel yourself as best as possible and that being a little underweight is helpful. Again, I don't think they can appreciate that a person can think this way and still have a healthy relationship with food (and a healthy self image).

I also think non-athletes assume that recreational athletes do all the training just so that they can eat tons of junk. The idea that you do it because you love it or find it fulfilling doesn't seem to cross their mind. So when they are indulging and you're saying no thanks, it confuses them.

As for what to do about it...I don't know. If people want to see you that way it can be hard to convince them otherwise. For the person that's monitoring your trips to the washroom, maybe leave the door open or stop flushing the toilet!

Why are you spending any time at all worrying about people that make such comments? The great thing about being an adult is that you get to CHOOSE how you react to something. Smile, shrug and go spend time with people who make you happy. Don't even give it a moment's thought. Move on. They are not worth the effort.

I deal with this frequently. I explain that this thin is advantageous for sport. Most people respect that.

Search the main forum; this is discussed frequently.

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maybe she's born with it, maybe it's chlorine
If you're injured and need some sympathy, PM me and I'm very happy to write back.
disclaimer: PhD not MD

You could also say.. I feel great. I really like how I look.

Both my sisters insist I have eating disorder simply because I choose to be thin.
What I hate is the comments from co-workers on how easy it is for me because I workout to be thin. But it's also the correct food choices. I work in an office where people bring in food all the time, and the ones who comment on my appearance, are the ones that never miss anything in the break room. You just have to consider the source and move on. If you are eating healthy, and enough calories, then just let it go...easier said then done, I realize.

Good luck.

How skinny are you?

If you're 10-12% body fat (and a woman) you are really skinny. Just like someone over seven feet tall gets "you're so tall" every day of their lives. I guess people just can't help staring at someone really short, really tall, really fat or really skinny, because it's so rare. Sorry.

However, elite female (endurance) athletes range from ~12-20%BF, and if you fall into that category, the regular, nonathletic people might see you as really skinny. How you deal with it I guess depends on how you want to deal with it- do you want to be polite? Or be confrontational?

Usually when someone makes an uninformed judgement about you, what they say is really more about them, than you. For example, Ms. Fattie with the chocolate cake at the Xmas party might be feeling powerless to the chocolate cake, so to feel more powerful she tells you that "you are too skinny and need to eat more." That's about her, not you.

And bravo to you for avoiding the chocolate cake IF you truly don't want it. Stupid social norms. Who says it's not a party if you're not gorging yourself on eggnog and cake?

Thanks girls/guys. I appreciate the advice. All of these people are family members (except one, who is the wife of a friend). So we can't really avoid them. In my husband's family the average person weighs around 200 lbs (girls incl). So even though my BF is somewhere between the range of 15 - 18%, I probably do look skinny. I think I am starting to understand why skinny people "pig out" in front of others! Maybe next time I go to a family function I should just eat 5 great big pieces of cake.

I heard that shit too often so I learned to cancel it out by dropping relationships. I am much happier now and those people are still miserably unsatisfied with life.

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_____________________________________
DISH is how we do it.

tri_a_lot wrote:

Thanks girls/guys. I appreciate the advice. All of these people are family members (except one, who is the wife of a friend). So we can't really avoid them. In my husband's family the average person weighs around 200 lbs (girls incl). So even though my BF is somewhere between the range of 15 - 18%, I probably do look skinny. I think I am starting to understand why skinny people "pig out" in front of others! Maybe next time I go to a family function I should just eat 5 great big pieces of cake.

Haha- if you gorge out on that cake, then they'll resent you for eating whatever you want, and still being so skinny! It really is a no win situation, sorry!

Growing up, I was always skinny, but I wasn't an athlete. That was the only time people hinted at eating disorders, or said I was 'too' thin. As soon as I began running and tri-training, I have stayed pretty much just as skinny, but then people could see that I was working really hard to stay that way. Does your family know how hard you train? Most people aren't willing to do what we do, so if you casually talk about tri training, and how hard you work out, then maybe the comments will taper out. They will realize that you really do work your ass off, and they don't want to do that, so you guys can all eat cake together :)

No they don't know. I worry about even mentioning that yearly I train 14-22hrs a week. Mostly because the rumour about people who have eating disorders spending hours in excessive exercise to lose weight. I do it so that I can participate in the triathlons, not to lose weight. Part of the problem was that when I had my baby I gained about 40lbs, and then when I got back into tri training I lost all that weight within just over a year. I am still wearing some of the clothes I wore back then, which of course drape off me now. Maybe buying new clothes might also help.

Well, if they don't know how you lost the weight, or how hard you work every week to keep it off, and that you train because you enjoy racing, then (in their minds) it wouldn't be hard for them to assume you lost the weight by calorie restricting. That doesn't mean anorexia, or bulimia, but watching someone lose 40lbs in a year can be startling. I know this because my husband lost almost 50lbs in 8mos, when he began running and training for tris. He got a ton of comments about his weight loss, but never the anorexic comment (probably because he's a guy). I do understand the exercise-bulimic idea, but I still guess that if they know about your racing schedule, and WHY you train so hard, they wouldn't be as snide in their comments. Just my $.02!

can you imagine the outrage, if we started telling people. "you are too fat." i have had the your too skinny thrown at me. i usually tell them, "at least i am not a fat fuck, like you."

Maybe you could turn this around and see it from their perspective. I have a couple of overweight friends who are very food focused; they think about food all the time - they love food and can't say no. They are in constant turmoil and inner conflict. And both are emotional eaters as well. They don't want to be big - it's just so damn hard to step away from the constant food offerings. So when they see you not take the chocolate cake they are in awe and or envious. It would make it so much easier to believe that something is wrong with you rather than face into the fact that the problem lies with them. So try and be more sympathetic to their constant and continual struggle. Look around - everyone is getting bigger. You really are blessed to have a good metabolism and the ability to view food as food rather than seek it out for comfort. Be gracious.

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Wanda

Something that might be something that your friends might want to look into is the Lean Eating program. It's not just a nutrition program, but really delves into the emotional aspects.

http://www.precisionnutrition.com/75k

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clm
Nashville, TN
https://twitter.com/ironclm | http://ironclm.typepad.com

2nd

LOL not with the giant bootie I have. Sorry. I weight about 130-140 (depending on how close to race weight I am) and am a size 6-8 (ditto). I have a huge ass and big legs. I am a ball of muscle and that's just the way it is, er, the way *I* am.

I learned a long time ago to not imagine I could ever possibly be 110lb and a size 4. It ain't in the cards for me. Once I realized that, I stopped thinking about how "fat" I was.

You probably have a small/petite bone structure, and your muscle mass is likely way less than mine. So you look smaller, weigh less, wear a smaller size. A lot of people in the world have zero understanding of such differences. So why cater to them?

Focus on what you can control. You can't control the drivel that comes out of other people's mouths. But you can control how you let it make you feel, what you choose to believe or not, how you choose to react. So be the adult here and just let it slide.

AP

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"How bad could it be?" - SimpleS

If you must comment, try something simple. If they say 'You're too skinny!" reply with a simple but firm "no I'm not", or "you're too fat", or "I'm not skinny, I'm strong and healthy". I used to get this comment a lot, and one I started replying with "No I'm not" in a very firm, and sometimes sharp tone, it pretty much stopped.

Don't try to reason or explain with the people who make these comments, they'll never understand. I had one relative who was especially bad with the comments, and one time I said something like "how would you feel if someone always told you that you were too fat, or ate too much? would you like that? It's just as insulting and hurtful to make 'skinny' comments to me". That was fairly effective. Even if they are relative, that doens't mean that you have to walk on eggshells. An insult is an insult and you need to stand your ground.

well, I when I was a kid I was the "fat kid" that everyone picked on for being fat. So no, I have no sympathy. I started dieting when I was 12 and when I was eating salads, my friends were eating pop and pizza. I don't eat the cake, because I don't ever want to be that fat again. Being thin is a choice, it is like deciding to give up drugs and/or drinking, you either want to or you don't.

That's not true for all people. Body composition and shape is largely genetic. If your body can go from fat to thin, good for you. But don't assume that overweight people are overweight just because they refuse to give up cake.

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maybe she's born with it, maybe it's chlorine
If you're injured and need some sympathy, PM me and I'm very happy to write back.
disclaimer: PhD not MD

You're right in that it doesn't really have anything to do with eating cake. I do eat cake. It is really common for people to blame genetics for being overweight. In fact people blame genetics for pretty much everything when they fail to meet their goals. And I get that, it is a tough thing to hear: to get what you want, it takes hard work. But the few that understand that, overcome the temptation to blame genetics and overcome whatever issue they are struggling with, while the others do not. It is actually quite simple, you get "fat" by over-eating for a long period of time. Everyone has a BMR and it is based on the number of calories your body needs to survive. Whatever number that is, you have to estimate approximately how many calories you will burn as well just doing your daily activities and that is how many calories you need to take in. Anything significantly above that and your body will store the extra energy as fat, anything below, and your body will burn its fat stores to find the extra energy required. That is why it has nothing to do with genetics. As long as you don't constantly take in more calories that you burn, you will never be fat.

There are actually several studies that have shown the following:
- Some people have genetically fast metabolisms. Feeding these people an amount of calories under which they should gain weight results in little to no weight gain. Their food amounts have to be TRIPLED for them to gain any significant amt of weight, and when food intake returns to normal, they lose that weight very quickly.
- The converse is also true. There are people with very slow metabolisms whose food intake has to be reduced to a third of what should be needed to lose weight. When their food intake goes back to normal, they gain weight back very quickly.


Do you know any super skinny people who eat a ton and can never gain weight? There are also large people who eat very little and can't lose weight.

In Reply To:

But the few that understand that, overcome the temptation to blame genetics and overcome whatever issue they are struggling with, while the others do not.

It's not blame if genetics is actually a cause. Body shape, eye color, hair color, height, etc are the result of genetics. If I am super tall, I can blame having a tall mom and a tall dad. Women tend to store fat in their bellies and thighs due to a biological imperative. Men tend to store it different places. Those are also genetics/biology.


If you were overweight and managed to lose weight, good for you. There are a lot of people who probably try just as hard as you and can't lose it for reasons that have nothing to do with willpower.

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maybe she's born with it, maybe it's chlorine
If you're injured and need some sympathy, PM me and I'm very happy to write back.
disclaimer: PhD not MD

Yes, I have read all that research too. But it takes more than six weeks to gain a significant amount of body fat. None of those studies have tracked people over years.

No I have not met any skinny people that can eat whatever they want and not gain weight. Nor have I met an overweight people who eat a deficit of calories for a significant amount of time and not lose weight. When I do, maybe my belief systems will change.

Women do need more body fat than men, but it has more so to do with maintaining female hormones than anything else. You can get down to 5% BF if you like, in fact many female body builders do, but there are consequences for doing that.

Hair colour, eye colour, being tall, being short etc. are the result of genetics. But not being fat, being fat is the result of over-eating for a significant amount of time. There isn't anything more complicated about it.