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I can't seem to snap out of it
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I am so down in the dumps. Nothing I am doing seems to be working. My training is going nowhere. In fact, I am de-training at an alarming rate. I haven't done a workout in a long time, since I decided that I wouldn't do IMLP in fact. I didn't do that race because the training before the race was so lousy that although I could have finished the race and I have all the respect in the world for people who finish, but it wasn't my goal this year, to finish. My goal was to improve on my previous time. I am slower. Much slower. And less fit. And I am eating and eating and eating like you wouldn't believe. Since I started training this year I have gained 40 pounds!!!

So many things just aren't working in my life, and I think I put too much emphasis on Ironman training, thinking if I could just do this right then I could go from there. But I got it all wrong. And I can't seem to get myself to go back at it. I am barely able to motivate myself to get up in the morning. Let alone anything else.

I am stuck. I don't know that I can work myself out of this. Any ideas on what to do.
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Re: I can't seem to snap out of it [Starting Over] [ In reply to ]
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I would strongly suggest finding a therapist to talk through some of this stuff. It sounds like you're depressed and help is out there for you. I've been in a similar situation and my only regret in getting help was waiting so long.

Good luck!

Michelle

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The beatings will continue until morale improves
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Re: I can't seem to snap out of it [Starting Over] [ In reply to ]
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First, I'd consult a doctor--this sounds like a possible thyroid thing?

Second, maybe you need to be done with triathlon for a while. If you don't have motivation to do it, then what's the point? Step out for a hike, walk you dog, hang out with your kids, go play a DIFFERENT sport, play no sport at all, meditate, do yoga, do something crafty, do anything, anything that gets you out of the funk. Sometimes falling back on triathlon can be the worst thing to fall back on and it really sounds like you need a break from the sport. I take a break every year from triathlon and do workouts that I like more--lifting, no workouts at alll, hikes with my dog, etc. I find it really helps...and also it really helps to get away from the tri-nerds... :)

Good luck with everything.
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Re: I can't seem to snap out of it [mdraegernyc] [ In reply to ]
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Starting Over, I 2nd what mdraegernyc said. I too waited way to long before I went to a counselor.

A piece of advice I received a long time ago (from my chiropractor no doubt) was this: "if you can not find a way to be happy each day, even when you accomplish "x" it will never be enough and you'll constantly be chasing happiness. find it today and don't allow it to depend on anything".

I think the key here is trying to figure out where the root of this sadness resides and going from there. My heart aches for you because it wasn't that long ago I was in your exact place. Perhaps it's time to just take a break from whatever is "normal" for you (triathlon, training etc.) and find new things to participate in. Take walks, breath in the fresh air, get lost in a good book. I know these suggestions are not going to fix anything but they might help you manage through this time of sadness. Whatever you do, please PLEASE do not beat yourself up for "not being able to snap out of it". I just came though a 5 month stint of crying nearly every day myself. I encourage you not to wallow in this sadness but allow yourself to feel it because it's not going to go away if it gets stuffed away; it always comes back and typically with greater vengeance.

If you ever need to vent or talk please know you can PM me. I highly encourage you to find a professional; however, that you feel you can be real with and trust. I feel for you friend and will offer up a prayer on your behalf.

Leslie

____________________________
Life is Short...Run Long
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Re: I can't seem to snap out of it [RunMomRun] [ In reply to ]
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Thanks mdraegernyc, bostonhopeful and runmomrun!

I have been seeing a therapist for a while. I feel better when I talk to her and very hopeful after our hour, but it wears off. Kind of like losing a little weight and then gaining more back.

Ohhhh boy, am I sad. I do think I need a break, but the only thing that was making me happy was training. Now that too is making me unhappy. The fall activity brochures came out the other day. I thought about taking a "crafty" type of class like stained glass or learning to paint. Maybe I do need to step outside my normal routine and do something totally different. There is a fitness boxing class too. Maybe I just need to punch my way out of this rut.

I really like the idea of not letting my happiness depend on anything. To me, that sounds incredibly profound. I don't know why I didn't think of that. I am not sure how to do that, but I will try.

Thanks. It helps to hear other people have been there too. I feel a little better.
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Re: I can't seem to snap out of it [Starting Over] [ In reply to ]
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Honestly I think it can be (sometimes, barring chemical problems, tragedy, etc.) as simple as a choice; Happiness. For me, it's kind of like love. I don't believe that love is a feeling. It's a choice every single day to demonstrate kindness, gentleness, self control, patience, respect. I think we can wake up each day and decide "Today I'm going to be happy". Don't get me wrong, throughout the day things are thrown at us (life events, job, even our own tricky mind) trying to convince us to be unhappy......I try to push those thoughts out of my head (and this takes constant work especially when you are in a sad time); almost a type of meditation/praying (do what works for you). I will find myself in a given day forcing myself to go to "my happy place" which is a handful of thoughts I swim in (spending time with my husband, laughing with my husband, playing with my daughters, concentrating and feeling the sand and cool ocean breeze in my mind, hearing the roaring waves of the ocean, camping with my family, saying a prayer, etc.) Obviously I have an arsenal of things that I use to bring me back to where my heart is designed to reside; joy/happiness. Some days are good, others not-so-much and they take constant work (it's almost like a triathlon in an of itself but a triathlon of the mind/heart). Give it some thought though. Try to come up with a handful of things that just thinking about them brings back a smile (and 'ANYTHING' works here). Then when you wake up in the morning decide, "Today, I'm going to be happy" and work at pushing all the thoughts that bring you sadness away.

Keep in mind there are times in my life that this little trick of mine just doesn't work (sorry for the ball buster) and in those times I just try to survive it and find ONE thing each day that I can look forward too. Doesn't wash away the sadness but it does help distract me from it.

Best of luck friend. Hang in there.

____________________________
Life is Short...Run Long
Last edited by: RunMomRun: Aug 18, 09 16:48
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Re: I can't seem to snap out of it [Starting Over] [ In reply to ]
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In Reply To:
I really like the idea of not letting my happiness depend on anything. To me, that sounds incredibly profound. I don't know why I didn't think of that. I am not sure how to do that, but I will try.

people have been trying to do that for hundreds/thousands of years, from the Bhagavad Gita for example

'The man who is devoted and not attached to the fruit of his actions obtains tranquillity; whilst he who through desire has attachment for the fruit of action is bound down thereby'

this is basically the same as saying, do your duty (keeping your body healthy, working out, eating right, doing your job well, being nice to people, ...), but do not base your happiness on any particular result(s) you might be expecting from things you do.

Of course this is a LOT more easily said than done, it's really one of those things that you need to practice, practice, practice and it's still easy to fall back even after that, especially in today's narcissistic society where the constant push is towards 'me, me, me, me, what can the world do for me, why don't *I* have what that person has, I deserve the absolute best, everything is owed to me, ...' which of course leads people towards creating a lot of expectations and them ending up depressed when these expectations end up not being met due to life's uncertainty and others not behaving the way we expect them to.

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Re: I can't seem to snap out of it [Marco in BC] [ In reply to ]
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Marco and Leslie,

Thank you so much. You are both right on the money. A lot has not gone particularly well in the last year. Really much longer. Some of it is me. Some of it is work. Some of it is family. Etc., etc., etc....

I get caught up in my own very small world and focus on the disappointments, the why didn't I achieve this or that and what is wrong with me and well you name it.

I will make a list of what is good in my life. I will make another of those things and people and places that make me smile. I know I have those good things. It will take me a while to remember them as I haven't thought about them in a while. But they are there. I need to find them.

And I will think about the process, not the results. And think outward and not inward.

A couple of hours ago I felt so down. I am looking forward to tomorrow. I had better get myself armed with at least one good memory before I go to sleep.

Thank you so much. You have been very helpful. All of you have!!
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Re: I can't seem to snap out of it [Starting Over] [ In reply to ]
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what about sex???!!!
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Re: I can't seem to snap out of it [Starting Over] [ In reply to ]
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After you make those two lists, and you are feeling brave enough, you should consider making a third list: a list of everything in your life you DON'T like or that does not make you happy. Then start to remove them from your life, or work to minimize their impact on you.

A common item to show up on that sort of list is a person. Almost all of us has someone in our lives who is an emotional vampire and who takes a lot of energy from us, without giving much back. Don't be surprised if this happens with you as well.

Good luck.

AP

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"How bad could it be?" - SimpleS
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Re: I can't seem to snap out of it [AndyPants] [ In reply to ]
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Thanks AP.

You are right. That list will be tough. The good things are never easy. It will take a lot of introspection. I will wait until I am feeling brave... well at least braver than currently!! But it will be a good list to have.

I have my work cut out for me now. Better get to it!!

Thanks again.
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Re: I can't seem to snap out of it [Starting Over] [ In reply to ]
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You could look into taking supplements. I'd take a look at 5-HTP, St. John's Wort, and L-Tyrosine and Vitamin D and B's. I think the key is to realize that there won't be a magic pill that will solve the way you feel but rather you have to look at this as an entire picture. I think that supplementation plus lifestyle changes are helpful in those types of situations. Sure, pharmaceutical antidepressants can numb you emotionally but the underlying problem would still persist.

I'd switch some things up, get on a regular schedule and exercise consistently. That doesn't mean it has to be SBR. You could get up 30min earlier in the morning and quick walk before going to work, start lifting at the gym, play tennis, raquetball, etc. I think physical exercise is important part of getting out of a low mood. I also think that the most challenging aspect of all this is to break out of that vicious cycle. You don't feel like doing anything but because you don't do anything you feel worse. I think realizing this and breaking the "bad habit" will be very helpful. Supplementing with some of the things I mentioned above and sticking to a clear exercise schedule should help. Best of luck to you.

�The greater danger for most of us is not that our aim is too high and we miss it, but that it is too low and we reach it.� -Michelangelo

MoodBoost Drink : Mood Support + Energy.
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Re: I can't seem to snap out of it [Starting Over] [ In reply to ]
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I hope you are turning a corner and feeling better. I have struggled with depression before as well. When you come off the addictive exercise routine, it can be very hard. But it is a magical thing when you stop focusing so much on endurance training and other things in your life have the space to grow. For me, I went back to school. That was good. But I also started focusing too much on my relationship with my boyfriend, which was bad. It was a necessary growing process, though. I found new ways to exercise that took up less time, made me thinner, and improved my sense of well being. I was on Wellbutrin for awhile but once I got back into a healthy eating pattern and went back to school I went off the antidepressants.
I have another suggestion for you...volunteer. I ask myself every day "Have I been of service to someone today?". I try to make sure the answer is YES every single day. One day it might be that I volunteered in my kids' school for 3 hours. The next day it might be that I was patient and loving to my boyfriend when he was sick and whiny. It helps me remember that I am a valuable person and that what I do matters to the people I care about the most. Maybe you could even volunteer at a race this weekend or call a charity you believe in and ask how you can help.
For me, depression is a situation condition that primarily arises from a lack of sense of purpose. Find a purpose, become a little bit busier, use more of my potential, and all is well again.

Jessica
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Re: I can't seem to snap out of it [Starting Over] [ In reply to ]
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I just joined this forum but your post really stood out to me and I realize that it has been about a month since you posted it. I really hope that you are feeling better! Most everyone seemed to give some really great advice and I was happy to read that you have a therapist that you have been working with but it is too bad you feel the same once you are done. Your name alone leads me to the assumption you are going through something more than just the de-training you are talking about. There are times in our lives we just have to give ourselves a break. Sometimes focusing on the positive is really hard & takes a huge amount of mental toughness especially when you are going through what you have explained. A trick I use is to become very aware of all of my self talk whether it be positive or negative, if it drifts to the negative I stop it right away and begin to re-frame it to the positive. This takes practice but it is very effective to stop your own abuse of yourself. Remember you would not allow anyone else talk to you like that why do you allow you to do it to you? Hope things have been getting better since you wrote the original post!! Take care
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Re: I can't seem to snap out of it [Starting Over] [ In reply to ]
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Wow, this is such a great thread, and sooooo important for so many of us, I am sure. 'Starting over', I hope that you are still working towards all of the great suggestions that were offered here. I am going to print this stuff out! I have suffered from depression and an eating disorder for a long time, and now just coming off IMC training/racing, I too am finding it difficult to find happiness without all of the training to distract me and give me that 'high'. My Dad committed suicide 9 months ago, and I think I used the training to avoid thinking/feeling. It is all coming back to me now that I have 'free' time. Its hard, but what everyone said here is so true - happiness is a choice that we can make every day!

Maybe we need a happiness thread LOL, what is going GOOD in our lives!

Thanks for all of these suggestions! Hope everyone is doing well!
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Re: I can't seem to snap out of it [Starting Over] [ In reply to ]
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You might like "Get out of your mind and into your life" by Steve Hayes, and or "The happiness Trap" by Russ Harris. They walk you through ACT (pronounced as one word, act), Acceptance and Commitment Therapy. You might check out contextualpsychology.org and join one of the ACT listservs. In essence, ACT is about getting present, in the moment, here and now, fully accepting what is occurring, holding yourself and everything else lightly, and figuring out where to steer your life. Its about not running from the things that you fear, but embracing them, and embracing the part of you that fears them. For the heck of it, here is a brief story from Kelly Wilson, one of the founders of ACT and professor at ol miss....

Even slower than baby steps, the best I can do some days is to sit on my hands. If I am sitting on my hands, it is very hard to make much mess to clean up later.

Let's say I started down this road something like 24 years ago. There was a a time, in the winter of 1985, when I would be up in the night, lying on the bathroom floor, heartsick, the house quiet all around me, alone. Lying on that floor, between bouts of retching, I could feel the cool of the linoleum on my cheek and it was good. There in the bathroom, in the middle of the night, tortured, I found a moment's rest, my cheek pressed to the cool floor. My whole world was reduced to six square inches of cool linoleum. I could not leave that room without the terrors welling up around me. Even trying to rise from the floor filled me with awareness of all that I had done and regretted, and not done and regretted more.

It was a starting point. People taught me about acceptance. By inches, I made my way up off the floor and out of that bathroom.

When I look where acceptance has taken me over the years, I have to pinch myself. I have fallen in love with people all over the world. I have become intimate with people and places and ideas that I could not have imagined. I have found souls all along the way who saw possibilities in me that I could not see in myself. And, I have in turn had the privilege of seeing in others strength and beauty and possibility that they could not see.

And, and, I can count a lot of days, a lot, between that barren winter of '85 and this day, this morning, this moment, a lot of days, when the best I could do was sit on my hands. And, today, I count those days sitting on my hands as good days. All in a row they brought me right here together with you. Welcome. Welcome.

Rest a while. There will be time. Perhaps we can sit together on our hands today. And tomorrow, there won't be much mess to clean up. And, we will rise together and sweep up and go about our day as best we are able.

So if today is a day of hand sitting, think of it as practice. The day will surely come when someone in need calls out. We are not likely to be able to reach out and reverse time in their world -- bring parents back from the dead, retrieve a lost opportunity, a lost love -- any more than we can turn back the clock in our own world. But perhaps if we have practiced, we can sit with them, on our hands if it is that kind of day, but together. And, perhaps we will find a way in this world, just as it is, to fall in love, and see beauty and strength and possibility together.

peace to all,
kelly

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