Sometimes things come out wrong when people talk but what kind of a dork offers unsolicited advice to someone about weight loss? I would guess that you aren't the only person he offers he great advice to so you can bet that eventually he will advise the wrong person and he'll get the earful he deserves. If it were me, I wouldn't get all worked up over it but I would have something to say to him like "Are you the guy who offered me weight loss advice? I've been telling all of my friends about you!" Something to let him know he made a great first impression.

Don't waste a bunch of time thinking about it though, it's not worth it!

   Before you go putting blame on someone else, take a look in the mirror. Sometimes an outside perspective is just what you need to put you on the podium- and isn't that why we race?

Maybe you should get your BMI tested and consult with a personal trainer about shaving it down.

I think the worst thing this guy did was recommend raisins, personally I've found that mushrooms are excellent at absorbing excess water weight.

Please tell me you forgot how to put that in pink font.

Whether it was "good" advice or not it was inappropriate and at an inappropriate time. Sounds like the guy who offers unsolicited training advice in a weight room. I agree that if it came from a good friend or coach, different story. Best thing to do is ignore his comment and ignore him.

OMG. Speechless. Let me think abou this for a minute. You MUST in some way let him know how totally rude he was to you.

I don't see how I'm blaming anyone. I said I thought this comment was inappropriate. I have had my body fat tested and consulted with a physician (before this incident) and he advised me not to lose any more than a couple of pounds or it could become strength loss. The point is, I am not interested in losing weight, and this kind of comment, while it bothered me, is not the end of the world.

The main thing is- these group rides are full of guys like this- and I strongly believe this is why the showing of women is so poor. I want more women to show up and ride and not be subjected to this!

(by the way....if I could keep up with this dude, and the top group- I don't think I need to lose any weight!)

I'm guessing q-h is a troll so just ignore him/her/it.

As far as the inappropriate remarks, it does sound to me that this is a guy who loves to offer a bunch of unsolicited advice to one and all and likely doesn't know how it sounds coming out. Doesn't forgive him the rude behavior but take solance in the fact that if this is how he talks to women then he's likely not getting too much action. :)

Honestly, and I know this is incredibly hard when someone you don't know says something about your appearance or weight, I'd try to let is just roll off my back and ignore it. You're happy, you're healthy, and you're obviously a kickass a cyclist. However, if he does come up to you at another ride and say anything my recommendation is to be brutally honest and tell him that what he said was inapporpriate and boorish. Or the more passive aggressive way to deal with him would be to do some internet research and see if you can find anything that talks about how raisins are bad in some way and then generously share that knowledge with him.

It also sounds like it's time to get your own group of kickass female cyclists together and form your own ride. Guys like this - and q-h who thinks that the only thing anyone cares about is how they can alter their life to get that coveted podium spot - are not worth hanging around with.

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http://smallfoodbiz.com
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That was going to be my suggestion. If you're not happy in the group you're already in (and I gather from you saying that a lot of the group is like this guy) then go do something else. Start your own group. Who cares what some random dude has to say?

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I know I'm promiscuous, but in a classy way

I'd say something similar back to him. Something like, "If you lost 10 pounds you could lead the rides! I like brownies as meal substitutes. Try it sometime!"

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Jen

"In order to keep a true perspective on one's importance, everyone should have a dog that worships him and a cat that will ignore him." - Dereke Bruce

Some people are just inappropriate and have no tact. Two separate occasions came to mind when I read your post. One involving myself, the other my sister.

Years ago (when we were kids; my sister was always pretty over weight) my grandparents were at our house and my grandpa was obviously trying to find a way for a 'lead in' about some over weight person he had seen. So, he looks at my sister (a teenager at the time) and says, "Wow, 'sisters name', you have been putting on some weight"....then he says, "speaking of being fat"......

About 11 years ago my husband and I had come home from college to visit his parents. We walked through the door and his step dad looked at me and says "Wow, Leslie, you are getting a little wide in the backside, what have you been eating?" - I WAS HORRIFIED......

Honestly I don't think that if you approached him now it would have any impact on him, because well, people 'like that' are just idiots; plain an simple. I would; however, come up with something to say that is tactful yet DIRECT the next time he says something to you, or someone else (because you know it will happen).

I think that starting a new group is a good idea and at the same time sticking where you are at is equally a good idea. I'm always for "a voice of reason" being thrown into a mix of people that really don't get the purpose of what we do; because afterall in the grand scheme of things when we reach the age where the things we do now are simply too difficult, will we be remembering 'our journey' or our body fat %, our trophy collection? You could make a lasting impression by sticking where you are.

Regardless, what this guy said was inappropriate and totally jerkful. BUT the best thing you have going for you is that you realize you are healthy just how you are and what he said was nothing more than an extremist trying to make himself feel better by throwing you under the bus.

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Life is Short...Run Long

If you are truly bothered by it then you should tell him what you told us: "Your comments to me about my weight on the last ride were inappropriate."

I also wonder if he is just a bit oblivious to how sensitive females can be (myself highly included in THAT group) about weight. If he said that to a male cycling buddy, would you still find it inappropriate? Just asking.

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maybe she's born with it, maybe it's chlorine
If you're injured and need some sympathy, PM me and I'm very happy to write back.
disclaimer: PhD not MD

sorry for intruding as i'm a guy and i've never known if it was appropriate for a guy to post in the womens forum but in my opinion, just keep doing what you are doing and do it better than him.

keep riding and ride hard and leave his dumb ass in your dust. payback is a bitch as they say.

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It's not about the bike, it's just along for the ride.

Say something like this to him...

"Thanks for the tip! Once I lose the weight I'll be able to drop those annoying @$$holes who make comments about other's weight and offer unsolicited and inappropriate advice."


BTW, if he is that much better than you that he feels he can give recommendations why was he beside you on the climb? ;-)

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"Go that way, really fast. If something gets in your way, turn." - Charles De Mar

Thanks to everyone (men and women!) for your posts. I have decided that it if I was going to say something to him, it should have been then and there. Bringing it up a few weeks later is just dredging up the past; in all likelihood he has forgotten his comment anyway. However, I will warn as many women group riders as I know to watch out for his comments, AND if he dares to bring up something similar to me or anyone else I will be ready (either to throw down an attack on the bike, or a good retort!).

you're allowed.

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maybe she's born with it, maybe it's chlorine
If you're injured and need some sympathy, PM me and I'm very happy to write back.
disclaimer: PhD not MD

Make sure you bring out some more of your crazy talk in the future though.

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I know I'm promiscuous, but in a classy way

As a guy, people like that piss me off. He wouldn't say the same thing to another guy. No need to come up with a smart retort to people like that, just a simple "F$3k off" will do. Probably the same type of person that gets angry when a woman passes him on a ride or run.

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Cervelo R3 and Cannondale Synapse, Argon18 Electron Track Bike

If you are comfortable at the weight you're at and are active and healthy, don't let what that guy said bug you! I think if anyone ever said that to me, it would be a little upsetting as weight (particularly on my belly) is always a struggle with me. Form a group with people who are supportive and won't offer "advice" unless you ask for it or have a relationship where it's appropriate to do so!

crazy talk...or pillow talk? GRRRR!!! ;)

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It's not about the bike, it's just along for the ride.

Totally offside. I can't think of any situation where it would be appropriate to discuss weight with a woman. My dad is one of those people similar to the man you met earlier. I won't defend him. I find that my best strategy is to be as vague as possible and then either walk away or change the subject. The last time he asked my weight, I told him I didn't know and started talking about something else. The most critical piece is that you're happy and healthy.

take solance in the fact that if this is how he talks to women then he's likely not getting too much action. :)

Ha! Definitely keep this in mind.

Honestly, and I know this is incredibly hard when someone you don't know says something about your appearance or weight, I'd try to let is just roll off my back and ignore it. You're happy, you're healthy, and you're obviously a kickass a cyclist.

Great advice - just wanted to make sure it got repeated

Have you considered getting a looser fitting jersey or wearing running shorts over your cycling shorts?

Raisins-guy! Is that you? Have you found me to give me more lame and asinine advice?

Push him over as you ride away. Not exactly subtle, but it might make the point clear.

"raisins guy"...priceless.

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AW