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General request for help. Wife just diagnosed with Breast Cancer.
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So about a month ago my wife found a lump in her breast and long story short after all the diagnostic testing we got the call from our doctor this past saturday letting us know she has breast cancer. Were both quite devastated by the whole thing and it just feels surreal most of the time. She's only 38 and what we know so far is that its grade 3 (super aggressive) her KI score is over 30% and she is triple negative on the hormone tests. So her options for treatment are first and foremost surgery and then possibly chemo and radiation. We meet with the surgeon this Thursday and our doctor has already prepped us that mastectomy is probably going to be the primary suggestion and due to her age and the aggressiveness of her cancer were expecting double to be added to that recommendation when we meet with the surgeon.

So i guess what I'm looking for would be any suggestions on books or resources for husbands to better support their wives. It seems like there are a few good ones out there but I'm just not sure and I don't feel like I have the time to spend reading a whole bunch of fluff when my wife needs me now.

Their is also not a whole lot out there in terms of younger women and breast cancer and so were just not finding a whole lot.

In short I feel utterly lost, i know I can't "fix" this so please don't tell me not to do that. I know this is her cancer and she has to battle it and that I can not begin to understand everything that is going through her head and body. I know she needs someone to listen to and to cry on and so far thats what I'm doing but...I don't know...I just love her so much and I'm scared and i really just don't know what to do.

Any help or advice would be greatly appreciated.



God's in his heaven, alls right with the world -Nerv
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Re: General request for help. Wife just diagnosed with Breast Cancer. [suparuki] [ In reply to ]
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Hi Suparuki,

I'm sorry your wife has been disgnosed with breast cancer. My husband's family, both young and old, have gone through several cases of cancer in the last few years. Cancer is such an emotional disease, which fills us with so much fear and insecurity. All of a sudden life becomes so precious.

It sounds like you are supporting your wife perfectly: you're being available, patient, understanding and you love her very much.

What I've learnt is that cancer affects everyone differently. Some are able to shout "f**k cancer" and remain as positive as possible, others crumble and think the worse. However your wife is feeling she'll need support, understanding and patience, all of which you are doing anyway.

I will say one thing you should do though - don't forget to look after yourself. A lot will be asked of you in the coming months, try to get enough sleep and eat healthy.

I know this post might not be very helpful, but I hope it can give you a little reassurance that what you are doing to support her is enough.
Last edited by: Anna s: Aug 1, 17 1:04
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Re: General request for help. Wife just diagnosed with Breast Cancer. [suparuki] [ In reply to ]
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Sorry to hear this. I know that Livestrong has an extensive amount of information, a lot for care givers. You might start there.

Nashville, TN
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Re: General request for help. Wife just diagnosed with Breast Cancer. [Anna s] [ In reply to ]
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Hi- I'm very sorry about your wife. Having had breast cancer several years ago, the best advice I can give you is to continue being as supportive as you are and let her be herself around you. The only other advice I can offer is to be her "ears" when you go to doctor/treatment appointments. Very often, the patient doesn't "hear' everything being thrown at her and it helps to have a somewhat objective other person in the room.

Try not to refer to her as "sick" - I hated that more than anything. I had a disease and was undergoing treatment - end of story.

It is a long and emotional road. If you have children, best to be honest with them as well.

All the very best to you and your wife. Keep us updated.
Last edited by: Princess: Aug 2, 17 13:46
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