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Dating a Non-Athlete
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I’m thinking of asking out an acquaintance I’ve known for a while. Only problem is I’m afraid she’s not going to understand my incessant need to get a workout in. Or why a 4 hour time block must be free every Saturday and Sunday.
We do have a lot of similar interests but this is a glaring one. Am I thinking too far ahead?
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Re: Dating a Non-Athlete [vo2maxkiller] [ In reply to ]
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yes. First date doesn't mean a long term commitment, at least take her out once before writing her off...FWIW my husband is not an athlete (though he does keep a healthy diet) and simply understands I function best with daily exercise (and that I can be a b!tch without it :) )
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Re: Dating a Non-Athlete [vo2maxkiller] [ In reply to ]
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Not that this is the case, but if a person needs to spend every minute of every day with you and can't understand that you need time to do your own thing, maybe they are not someone to date. I would think she would probably understand that something is important to you as you should also understand that there are things that are important to her.

And as mentioned, if it's only a first date maybe you are over thinking it a bit. Just see where it goes.
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Re: Dating a Non-Athlete [vo2maxkiller] [ In reply to ]
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I dated a non-athlete for awhile and it actually worked out fine. If you get up early and do your workout, you are free for the rest of the day. You're just a bit tired.

I found it was nice to have the mental break in that athletes tend to discuss sports a fair amt of the time, and he pulled my head out of my sport-obsessed world. Was nice!

maybe she's born with it, maybe it's chlorine
If you're injured and need some sympathy, PM me and I'm very happy to write back.
disclaimer: PhD not MD
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Re: Dating a Non-Athlete [vo2maxkiller] [ In reply to ]
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Does she have any hobbies or other leisure activities that keep her similarly busy in her spare time? My husband works out fairly regularly but not at the level I do. However, he is very involved in high-powered model rocketry, which keeps him busy.

I think the most important thing is to have a partner who will understand your desire to do your chosen activity in your leisure time. I could not be with a couch potato!
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Re: Dating a Non-Athlete [Cassie] [ In reply to ]
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She is involved very heavily with singing and recording. So she spends a lot of time with her band and at the studio, at least for now.
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Re: Dating a Non-Athlete [vo2maxkiller] [ In reply to ]
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In Reply To:
She is involved very heavily with singing and recording. So she spends a lot of time with her band and at the studio, at least for now.
In that case, she would probably be happy that you have a sport that keeps you busy and you wouldn't be the kind of partner who would always be hassling her about why she isn't spending enough time with him!

I guess you have to determine if your concern is,
will she be supportive of the time you devote to training?
is it that you are concerned that she is not into fitness?
is it that you are concerned that she will get out of shape and unattractive to you?
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Re: Dating a Non-Athlete [vo2maxkiller] [ In reply to ]
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Since most of the women here ARE athletes, you might get better advice in the Lavendar room. I for one don't get non-athlete women....or men....
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Re: Dating a Non-Athlete [vo2maxkiller] [ In reply to ]
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my husband isn't athletic - he's actually been happy that i've been working out since it gives him more xbox time ;) though he does support me in my goals, and actually will come out and chase me on his bicycle while i run, or sit and laugh and take photos while i'm doing an open water swim (not to mention keeping an eye on me and being ready to get help if neccessary). he's dropped me off at the pool and come back to drop off my tri bike so i could ride home after swim training, has been patient about dinner not being ready until 11pm, and is generally a wonderful human being!

however, i will qualify all this by saying 2 things:

1) we were already married for 4.5 years by the time i started doing any exercise at all
2) when i started thinking about multisport and read that triathletes have one of the highest divorce rates, we did sit down and have an honest conversation about whether this was something he could tolerate or not. i might as well not have bothered, since his response was that he was 100% behind me no matter what, but as i say - he's a wonderful human being!

probably the best thing to do is be honest. if she's involved in recording and spends lots of time on that, it's probably a fair bet that you'd be able to make it work :)

cheers!

-mistress k

__________________________________________________________
ill advised racing inc.
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Re: Dating a Non-Athlete [mistressk] [ In reply to ]
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"my husband isn't athletic "

I know a woman who is a recreational marathon runner who is married to a guy who is not only very non athletic but also a heavy smoker. They look like the "odd couple" as she's tall and slim and he's short and dumpy. He's a lawyer and makes a lot of money and she doesn't have to work, so everybody speculates that the basis for her attraction, but who knows.

Now here is the weird part - he's only not allowed to smoke in the bedroom, but can smoke anywhere else in the house, and the guy is a chain smoker. I dated a smoker once. Beautiful gal, but it was like kissing an ashtray. Needless to say, the relationship didn't last.
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Re: Dating a Non-Athlete [cerveloguy] [ In reply to ]
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got nothing to say for myself on that one! know i should quit, but the last time we tried was the closest we've come to getting divorced :p

cheers!

-mistress k

__________________________________________________________
ill advised racing inc.
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Re: Dating a Non-Athlete [mistressk] [ In reply to ]
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You're jumping the gun.

Realize also, though, that MOST wives/girlfriends will not tolerate you blowing 4 hours each saturday and sunday for such activities. Only the most understanding or disinterested spouses typically will. It's great to go in with this, though, but most guys don't have the luxury of it.

I think that often there are problems between couples when one gets a new hobby, so this problem would be compounded if you had not already been doing something and then one day decide you're going to spend 12 hours/week training.
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Re: Dating a Non-Athlete [vo2maxkiller] [ In reply to ]
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Hey. If you want to live in a one bedroom apartment with like 40 cats and 15 birds and have the place smell like shitty cat litter and cedar for the rest of your life, by all means, put your workouts first.

"Paulo knows where to find me."
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Re: Dating a Non-Athlete [ironjew] [ In reply to ]
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In Reply To:
Hey. If you want to live in a one bedroom apartment with like 40 cats and 15 birds and have the place smell like shitty cat litter and cedar for the rest of your life, by all means, put your workouts first.
To play Devil's Advocate here for a moment, let's generalize this just a bit. Suppose that a physically active lifestyle is something that was very important to one party in the relationship but that the other party did not exercise at all. If the collection of other interests is a big enough match, then I can see how they might stay together. Otherwise they might just be better off with others that share high-priority interests.
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Re: Dating a Non-Athlete [ironjew] [ In reply to ]
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this is a weird reply, but I think it was to be kinda troll-y. Really, do you think anyone doing tris at a level where they care about the training would end up in a situation like this?
I was dating a non athlete when I was training for my first marathon in 1999. He was inspired to run and started running too! and our first (and last!) christmas he gave me some awesome running gear. And last I heard, he still runs.
Sometimes I wish I was with a non athlete, but someone who wanted to cheer me on! selfish but true! instead, the guy I am with kinda competes with me, and I find this annoying at times...but its good to be with someone who gets it, though we have totally different styles...I am up and out the door by 5am and he dilly dallies around so we hardly ever ride together.
You might end up just by example inspiring her or him to get involved, just dont make it a requisite. And dont discount someone right away because of what they do or dont do. Believe it or not there is a BIG world out there besides getting up to bike 5 hours on a weekend. Knowing people with different interests is great, and ask someone out if interested dont over think it. Triathletes tend to overthink a lot of things way too much.
Last edited by: kbee: May 29, 09 20:13
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Re: Dating a Non-Athlete [vo2maxkiller] [ In reply to ]
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I think you're over thinking this, go for it, it's early, lots can happen (or not).

My BF of 4 yrs knew I was into this stuff at the outset, and has never been resentful but has now joined me - he and I will be doing IMC together this year. My ex, different story. He is a hockey player, so at least 2-3 times a week for 3-4hrs at a time, often at stupid hours. He had no sympathy and showed virtually no flexibility about my training schedule. I ended up having to get up every day at 4am to train so I could take care of my daughter once she woke up, and to avoid the ex having any involvement. So while he is an athlete, he had no tolerance for the tri lifestyle. Marriage over, nuff said.

Every person is a unique individual so take this acquaintance as just that - go have fun getting to know her before getting hung up on this issue. Just realize that there *is* life ourtside of tri... just not outside of sport ;-)

AP

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"How bad could it be?" - SimpleS
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Re: Dating a Non-Athlete [AndyPants] [ In reply to ]
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"He is a hockey player...... he had no tolerance for the tri lifestyle. "

Was his name Don Cherry?:-) What is it about hockey players - as if it's the ONLY sport.
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Re: Dating a Non-Athlete [cerveloguy] [ In reply to ]
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LOL how true. I guess there is one other sport then: GOLF! ;-)

AP

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"How bad could it be?" - SimpleS
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Re: Dating a Non-Athlete [cerveloguy] [ In reply to ]
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realistically, if i had the money and time to join a league, i'd be using hockey as crosstraining...gawd i love goaltending!

cheers!

-mistress k

__________________________________________________________
ill advised racing inc.
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