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Can i rant here about silly things? I'm going to rant....
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I got quite upset at masters swimming yesterday. I'm new to the triathlon masters swim group. It's a lovely group and the one workout per week that I don't do alone. It so happens I'm one of the faster swimmers and the fastest female - sadly the woman who was the fastest before is upset and she shows it. She's just a b**ch to me every week and being sensitive it just makes me sad.

Last night we were doing progressive 50s, 100s, 200s. She starts moaning at me for swimming my first 200 too fast (3.20), saying in a sarcastic tone, how on earth do I expect to increase my speed if I go out too fast. When I replied I'm just swimming my pace, she goes on to say, well lets see what you can do then - willing me to fail. I proved her wrong, but that's not the point.
Why can't some women just be happy for other women? When I do sport I always want to beat the men and I love it when a woman is successful.

I swam my fastest 100m and my fastest 200m yesterday. I should be happy with the improvement, but i keep thinking about why a grown woman in her 50s behaves in this way. More importantly why me a grown woman in her 40s is so sensitive and gets upset by stupid people.

So rant over! Thanks for reading!
Last edited by: Anna s: Dec 6, 16 0:13
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Re: Can i rant here about silly things? I'm going to rant.... [Anna s] [ In reply to ]
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oh dear somebody has been knocked off her throne . . .

she's probably got a lot going on physically and mentally and has to make peace with it on her own terms.

keep being nice and swimming fast. She'll either drop out, or get over herself and start appreciating you for making her work harder.
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Re: Can i rant here about silly things? I'm going to rant.... [Anna s] [ In reply to ]
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Ugh. Such a bummer that this gal is sour. I know somebody like this. I think her whole identity is wrapped up in her lane standing and you just kinda rocked her world a little bit... and she can't cope with it. There are a lot of people in this world who have internal struggles that make life just hard to cope with and they react oddly to seemingly insignificant things. With that kind of behavior you can only surmise that there is more there than meets the eye and you poked her in a sensitive spot. Or she just goes through life with this sort of behavior as a norm. In time she'll probably accept her new standing in second place and chill out. I agree that you should just be consistent and keep your cool. And swim circles around her. And good for you for being fast and getting faster!!

Hillary Trout
San Luis Obispo, CA

Born a swimmer, borrowed a bike, laced up some runners, and the rest just fell into place for a solid MOP life.
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Re: Can i rant here about silly things? I'm going to rant.... [Anna s] [ In reply to ]
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People react to competition differently - I'd say this is her problem, not yours. Do your own thing and congratulations on the new personal bests!
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Re: Can i rant here about silly things? I'm going to rant.... [Anna s] [ In reply to ]
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Congratulations on swimming your personal bests! Don't let her bad attitude get you down, try to be kind where you can and focus on your progress.
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Re: Can i rant here about silly things? I'm going to rant.... [Anna s] [ In reply to ]
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I swam my fastest 100m and my fastest 200m yesterday.

Well, there you go. Competition can be a good thing. Enjoy the success and move on.

"Ain't no shortcuts to the Opry."
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Re: Can i rant here about silly things? I'm going to rant.... [kiki] [ In reply to ]
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Thank you ladies for your lovely comments. Yes, I do think she has some real life problems and she loves feeling accepted and one of the boys. In the group I'm very quiet, just do the training session and never try to take this away from her. I'm sure she'll get used to me.
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Re: Can i rant here about silly things? I'm going to rant.... [Tri3] [ In reply to ]
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I'm not sure my pbs were due to her competition (I've increased my swimming) - She's half a lane behind me :-) however her negative attitude towards me is a huge motivater!! There was no way i wasn't going to negative split after her comment! And yes, i should just move on, but you know when someone is mean every single week, it sometimes just gets to you!
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Re: Can i rant here about silly things? I'm going to rant.... [Anna s] [ In reply to ]
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Do what I do: Wear earplugs in the pool and then pretend you can't hear her. =)

Congrats on the PBs. Do you own thing and don't give attention to people who obviously feed on it for drama.

http://mediocremultisport.blogspot.com
Res firma mitescere nescit.
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Re: Can i rant here about silly things? I'm going to rant.... [Scheherazade] [ In reply to ]
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Scheherazade wrote:
People react to competition differently - I'd say this is her problem, not yours. Do your own thing and congratulations on the new personal bests!

^This.
As someone in her 40s, I really admire the way younger women have started banding together and supporting each other. It was really common among my generation and older for women to constantly be in competition with each other. There always had to be a queen. I often have a hard time getting along with women five to ten years older than me because they keep trying to take charge of me and the other women instead of working in cooperation, so I totally understand your rant. It sucks, but it is the result of a lifetime of being told that you can't be as good as the men, so you have to be better than the other women. Remember, we were raised in a generation where "you aren't like other girls" was considered a compliment instead of an insult to our entire gender.

Just ignore her. It will drive her crazy.
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Re: Can i rant here about silly things? I'm going to rant.... [happyscientist] [ In reply to ]
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happyscientist wrote:
I often have a hard time getting along with women five to ten years older than me because they keep trying to take charge of me and the other women instead of working in cooperation, so I totally understand your rant. It sucks, but it is the result of a lifetime of being told that you can't be as good as the men, so you have to be better than the other women. Remember, we were raised in a generation where "you aren't like other girls" was considered a compliment instead of an insult to our entire gender.

Just ignore her. It will drive her crazy.

This might be my favorite Womens post all year, except for the last two sentences. I have similar issues with other women either wanting to control or wanting me to take control (they think they are being nice when they say, Oh, you just decide ... ). However, I would recommend simply being nice to the woman at the pool -- maybe even invite her to have coffee after swimming and make a new friend. Sometimes, a simple "I get the feeling I am upsetting you somehow, and I would so much prefer we be partners in this enterprise..." can go a long way toward making masters swim more pleasant for both of you.
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Re: Can i rant here about silly things? I'm going to rant.... [happyscientist] [ In reply to ]
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Quote:
Just ignore her. It will drive her crazy.

Or, she'll just think of you as a bigger bitch.


clm
Nashville, TN
https://twitter.com/ironclm | http://ironclm.typepad.com
http://tnwomenscycling.com
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Re: Can i rant here about silly things? I'm going to rant.... [ironclm] [ In reply to ]
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ironclm wrote:
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Just ignore her. It will drive her crazy.


Or, she'll just think of you as a bigger bitch.

Who cares? We are all past high school. No one gives a crap if some random woman at the pool thinks she's a bitch.
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Re: Can i rant here about silly things? I'm going to rant.... [Gee] [ In reply to ]
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happyscientist wrote:
Remember, we were raised in a generation where "you aren't like other girls" was considered a compliment instead of an insult to our entire gender.

I still feel something when people say this to me. I appreciate not being as caty as many girls were regarded as being, but I don't view myself as special, just motivated. So this statement has always made me think, "I'm sorry you expect so little out of me/other women".

Gee wrote:
However, I would recommend simply being nice to the woman at the pool -- maybe even invite her to have coffee after swimming and make a new friend. Sometimes, a simple "I get the feeling I am upsetting you somehow, and I would so much prefer we be partners in this enterprise..." can go a long way toward making masters swim more pleasant for both of you.

Ugh, I'm really ill-equipped at massaging other people's ego's so this wouldn't work for me. I show up more for a good workout and less to smooth out other people's issues. Now the longer I'm with a group, the more comfortable I might be making some other newcomer feel welcome, but as the newer-comer, I would not be going out of my way to make others comfortable in a swim group... (Guess my take on all that would be different if I was new management...)

That said I'm sure the world is a better place due to some taking the actions you suggested.

It's an individual journey with varying definitions of success.
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Re: Can i rant here about silly things? I'm going to rant.... [happyscientist] [ In reply to ]
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Well, not exactly. Isn't that sort of the point if this thread? 😉
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Re: Can i rant here about silly things? I'm going to rant.... [ironclm] [ In reply to ]
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I agree, ignoring her might escalate things to outright hostility.

However, if you simply ignore her behaviour, but not ignore her (say hello, acknowledge her if she says something nice), then she may over time warm to you. Or, at least not make things even more unpleasant.

Like the others have said, you've rocked her world a bit and needs some time to adjust. Once she figures out you aren't there to make her look bad, she should come around. Some people just need time to adjust to a new world order (even in the swim lanes)!
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Re: Can i rant here about silly things? I'm going to rant.... [Furiosa] [ In reply to ]
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Furiosa wrote:
I agree, ignoring her might escalate things to outright hostility.

However, if you simply ignore her behaviour, but not ignore her (say hello, acknowledge her if she says something nice), then she may over time warm to you. Or, at least not make things even more unpleasant.

Like the others have said, you've rocked her world a bit and needs some time to adjust. Once she figures out you aren't there to make her look bad, she should come around. Some people just need time to adjust to a new world order (even in the swim lanes)!

Good response!


clm
Nashville, TN
https://twitter.com/ironclm | http://ironclm.typepad.com
http://tnwomenscycling.com
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Re: Can i rant here about silly things? I'm going to rant.... [Furiosa] [ In reply to ]
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This is basically my way of thinking and how I deal with her!
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