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what does it mean when someone asks you a question , followed by, “You don’t have to say yes” ??????
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Manipulative?

sometimes
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Re: what does it mean when someone asks you a question , followed by, “You don’t have to say yes” ?????? [mustangchef] [ In reply to ]
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Was the question "Will you marry me?"
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Re: what does it mean when someone asks you a question , followed by, “You don’t have to say yes” ?????? [mustangchef] [ In reply to ]
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The translation...I'm going to ask you something that I know you don't want to do, but I want/expect you to say yes.
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Re: what does it mean when someone asks you a question , followed by, “You don’t have to say yes” ?????? [mustangchef] [ In reply to ]
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Pretty common negotiation tool. I think this about sums it up:


"The problem with this approach is that the relationship between the two parties is often permanently damaged. The person asking for something may receive it, but the second person probably feels taken advantage of and, perhaps, angry and resentful. If it wasn't really a willing "yes," the second person is unlikely to complete the work quickly, or with a positive attitude."

"If one does not know to which port one is sailing, no wind is favorable." - Lucius Annaeus Seneca
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Re: what does it mean when someone asks you a question , followed by, “You don’t have to say yes” ?????? [mustangchef] [ In reply to ]
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Who are you? My wife?
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Re: what does it mean when someone asks you a question , followed by, “You don’t have to say yes” ?????? [jkca1] [ In reply to ]
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jkca1 wrote:

Pretty common negotiation tool. I think this about sums it up:


"The problem with this approach is that the relationship between the two parties is often permanently damaged. The person asking for something may receive it, but the second person probably feels taken advantage of and, perhaps, angry and resentful. If it wasn't really a willing "yes," the second person is unlikely to complete the work quickly, or with a positive attitude."


ya dude you nailed it

sometimes
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Re: what does it mean when someone asks you a question , followed by, “You don’t have to say yes” ?????? [mustangchef] [ In reply to ]
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"I know this is a big deal, but I really need you to say yes but I have no basis to expect you to say yes and I am overstepping my bounds, but I will still be unhappy with you if you say no."

Unless the question was, "can I put it in your butt?" In that case they expect a no.

We are so fucked.
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Re: what does it mean when someone asks you a question , followed by, “You don’t have to say yes” ?????? [mustangchef] [ In reply to ]
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I get something in this nature every time I get a call from my sister....usually the "you don't have to say yes" is substituted with "I understand if you can't"

Usually it involves her wanting me to do, give time or money or provide a favor of some sort to help fix a fuck up of hers.
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Re: what does it mean when someone asks you a question , followed by, “You don’t have to say yes” ?????? [SkipG] [ In reply to ]
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Funny, I see this as totally different- but this is eye opening.

I have a lot of weird ideas and they get caught in my head - so I'll say "what would you think if we turned the living room into the dining room and the dining room into an office - I'm not asking you to say yes."

Usually the response is that is a really weird idea and will not work well with the vaulted ceilings. Then that idea is done and I dream up another crazy one.

When I actually really want something and have decided already I use there is something that is important to me that I would like your help with.
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Re: what does it mean when someone asks you a question , followed by, “You don’t have to say yes” ?????? [mustangchef] [ In reply to ]
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My interpretation is "I know I'm asking a lot of you here and if you say no I completely understand, but I really need this....." I often get asked a question like that at work when someone is proposing a call swap that is not in my favor or vise versa. I think it's an acknowledgment of a "big ask" and an "out if the person being asked wants to say no."
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Re: what does it mean when someone asks you a question , followed by, “You don’t have to say yes” ?????? [j p o] [ In reply to ]
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j p o wrote:
Unless the question was, "can I put it in your butt?" In that case they expect a no.

That’s why I never ask first.

Easier to get forgiveness than permission.

They usually like it anyway. It’s just rare for them to admit it.

”look, duffy is a great lover. the best!” -

slowman (owner of slowtwitch.com) 10/01/17
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Re: what does it mean when someone asks you a question , followed by, “You don’t have to say yes” ?????? [mustangchef] [ In reply to ]
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In my experience it's totally dependent on the person asking and the strength of our relationship.

With some people it means "I totally understand if you don't want to and that's OK" or "I really need you to be honest even if you think I'll be hurt if you say no".

With others it means "I expect you to say yes". With these people saying no is usually met with "why not?", "well what else are you doing?" or "can't you do this instead?".

You can tell a lot about the relationship by saying "no"...
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Re: what does it mean when someone asks you a question , followed by, “You don’t have to say yes” ?????? [Duffy] [ In reply to ]
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Duffy wrote:
j p o wrote:

Unless the question was, "can I put it in your butt?" In that case they expect a no.


That’s why I never ask first.

Easier to get forgiveness than permission.

They usually like it anyway. It’s just rare for them to admit it.

An American businessman, while in Japan for some business meetings and a few rounds of golf, arrived in Tokyo a day earlier than expected. Feeling lonely that evening, he employed the services of a beautiful young Japanese girl to be his companion for the evening. Although the Japanese girl spoke very little English and the businessman spoke no Japanese, their passion roared and in the heat of the moment she began yelling "Gama Su!, Gama Su!". Hearing this, the Californian knew he had pleased his female Japanese friend and soon afterwards went to sleep. The next day while playing golf with his Japanese business colleagues, one of his Japanese partners holed his shot from 170 yards away! Everyone went crazy and began yelling excitedly in Japanese. Wanting to impress his friends, the Californian joined in and began yelling, "Gama Su! Gama Su!" Suddenly everyone became quiet.








































After a moment of silence, one of the Japanese turned to him and asked "Wrong hole? What do you mean wrong hole?"
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Re: what does it mean when someone asks you a question , followed by, “You don’t have to say yes” ?????? [Ijustrun] [ In reply to ]
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I have friends and family members who feel obliged to say yes when I ask a favour so I'll start with something along the lines of "I totally understand if you don't want to and that's OK". It's not meant to be manipulative, but to make it clear that I'm okay if they say no. Otherwise they'll say yes and either be unhappy about it or later squirm out of the commitment at a point when it 's a pain.



Ijustrun wrote:
In my experience it's totally dependent on the person asking and the strength of our relationship.

With some people it means "I totally understand if you don't want to and that's OK" or "I really need you to be honest even if you think I'll be hurt if you say no".

With others it means "I expect you to say yes". With these people saying no is usually met with "why not?", "well what else are you doing?" or "can't you do this instead?".

You can tell a lot about the relationship by saying "no"...
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Re: what does it mean when someone asks you a question , followed by, “You don’t have to say yes” ?????? [Duffy] [ In reply to ]
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Duffy wrote:
j p o wrote:

Unless the question was, "can I put it in your butt?" In that case they expect a no.


That’s why I never ask first.

Easier to get forgiveness than permission.

They usually like it anyway. It’s just rare for them to admit it.

They think it's your finger.
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Re: what does it mean when someone asks you a question , followed by, “You don’t have to say yes” ?????? [Old Hickory] [ In reply to ]
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Old Hickory wrote:
Duffy wrote:
j p o wrote:

Unless the question was, "can I put it in your butt?" In that case they expect a no.


That’s why I never ask first.

Easier to get forgiveness than permission.

They usually like it anyway. It’s just rare for them to admit it.

They think it's your finger.

I’ve fingered the butthole of every chick I’ve been with, more than once.

100% of them liked it.

”look, duffy is a great lover. the best!” -

slowman (owner of slowtwitch.com) 10/01/17
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Re: what does it mean when someone asks you a question , followed by, “You don’t have to say yes” ?????? [mustangchef] [ In reply to ]
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The answers here are interesting and not what my engineering brain would have expected.


usually when I say, "You don't have to say yes," or some version of that, I quite literally mean that I have no expectations of you doing what I ask and won't be offended if you say no.


It seems however that you humans prefer to use this as some sort of reverse psychology. Like when the managers at work tell us that we should focus on the life part of our work life balance, what they really mean is that we should feel like we have a bad work ethic and should focus more on the work part of our work life balance so that we can get ourselves to the level where our boss needs to tell us to back off.

*shrug*

-----------------------------Baron Von Speedypants
-----------------------------RunTraining articles here:
http://forum.slowtwitch.com/...runtraining;#1612485
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Re: what does it mean when someone asks you a question , followed by, “You don’t have to say yes” ?????? [mustangchef] [ In reply to ]
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I would think they're going to ask for something that they do not have the social capital to ask for.
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Re: what does it mean when someone asks you a question , followed by, “You don’t have to say yes” ?????? [BarryP] [ In reply to ]
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BarryP wrote:
The answers here are interesting and not what my engineering brain would have expected.


usually when I say, "You don't have to say yes," or some version of that, I quite literally mean that I have no expectations of you doing what I ask and won't be offended if you say no.


It seems however that you humans prefer to use this as some sort of reverse psychology. Like when the managers at work tell us that we should focus on the life part of our work life balance, what they really mean is that we should feel like we have a bad work ethic and should focus more on the work part of our work life balance so that we can get ourselves to the level where our boss needs to tell us to back off.

*shrug*

For those who are not sincere in the statement it's usually a way to avoiding feeling guilt for pressuring someone into doing something they never wanted to do in the first place. "But I said you didn't have to say yes..."
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Re: what does it mean when someone asks you a question , followed by, “You don’t have to say yes” ?????? [BarryP] [ In reply to ]
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BarryP wrote:
The answers here are interesting and not what my engineering brain would have expected.


usually when I say, "You don't have to say yes," or some version of that, I quite literally mean that I have no expectations of you doing what I ask and won't be offended if you say no.


It seems however that you humans prefer to use this as some sort of reverse psychology. Like when the managers at work tell us that we should focus on the life part of our work life balance, what they really mean is that we should feel like we have a bad work ethic and should focus more on the work part of our work life balance so that we can get ourselves to the level where our boss needs to tell us to back off.

*shrug*


+1 (except for the engineering brain part).

”look, duffy is a great lover. the best!” -

slowman (owner of slowtwitch.com) 10/01/17
Last edited by: Duffy: Oct 10, 17 16:04
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Re: what does it mean when someone asks you a question , followed by, “You don’t have to say yes” ?????? [mustangchef] [ In reply to ]
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Sort of manipulative, usually someone doesn't want to do something and needs a fall guy.
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Re: what does it mean when someone asks you a question , followed by, “You don’t have to say yes” ?????? [Old Hickory] [ In reply to ]
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Old Hickory wrote:
Duffy wrote:
j p o wrote:

Unless the question was, "can I put it in your butt?" In that case they expect a no.


That’s why I never ask first.

Easier to get forgiveness than permission.

They usually like it anyway. It’s just rare for them to admit it.


They think it's your finger.

That's the first move. If you don't hear "no," it means yes. And that's not to say that "no" can't mean "yes" too.
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Re: what does it mean when someone asks you a question , followed by, “You don’t have to say yes” ?????? [BarryP] [ In reply to ]
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BarryP wrote:
The answers here are interesting and not what my engineering brain would have expected.


usually when I say, "You don't have to say yes," or some version of that, I quite literally mean that I have no expectations of you doing what I ask and won't be offended if you say no.


It seems however that you humans prefer to use this as some sort of reverse psychology. Like when the managers at work tell us that we should focus on the life part of our work life balance, what they really mean is that we should feel like we have a bad work ethic and should focus more on the work part of our work life balance so that we can get ourselves to the level where our boss needs to tell us to back off.

*shrug*

It’s like saying, “with all due respect,...”. It’s unecessary, unless you’re highlighting the fact that you really want them to say yes. Nobody ever HAS to say yes to your requests. The fact that you make a show of telling them they don’t have to just emphasizes how much you want and expect them to say yes.

Slowguy

(insert pithy phrase here...)
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Re: what does it mean when someone asks you a question , followed by, “You don’t have to say yes” ?????? [Ijustrun] [ In reply to ]
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"For those who are not sincere in the statement it's usually a way to avoiding feeling guilt for pressuring someone into doing something they never wanted to do in the first place. "But I said you didn't have to say yes..." "


That makes sense, now. Sounds like something my mom would have said to manipulate my dad.

-----------------------------Baron Von Speedypants
-----------------------------RunTraining articles here:
http://forum.slowtwitch.com/...runtraining;#1612485
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Re: what does it mean when someone asks you a question , followed by, “You don’t have to say yes” ?????? [Duffy] [ In reply to ]
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Trust me when I say "engineering brain," its not a brag or a compliment. Its just that we aren't allowed to use the R word around here.

-----------------------------Baron Von Speedypants
-----------------------------RunTraining articles here:
http://forum.slowtwitch.com/...runtraining;#1612485
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