Quantcast
    MAIN INDEX RULES & LEGEND LOG IN  

Slowtwitch Forums: Lavender Room:
What do you do when a registed sex offender becomes your new next door neighbor?

 

First page Previous page 1 2 3 Next page Last page  View All  


QuintanaRooster

Sep 8, 12 6:00

Post #1 of 74 (7500 views)
What do you do when a registed sex offender becomes your new next door neighbor? Quote | Reply

So I am at work yesterday on a busy Friday afternoon in the Emergency Room and my wife frantically calls to tell me that our new next door neighbor is a sex offender. She goes on to tell me that she received a phone call from a friend down the street from us informing her of this. Not long after we received alert e-mails from the Florida Registered Sex Offender Website alerting us to this. We have an 8 year old son and a 10 year old daughter. We are always vigilant about always knowing their whereabouts and generally do not let them out of our sight although there is occasion in which they walk 2 doors down to see their grandparents (my parents live on the other side of this new neighbor). So the sex offender's background is this: age 36, male. He and his fiance bought the house. From the Sex Offender Database I could gather that he was convicted at age 30 of "lewd and lacivious act on a 12-15 year old." I met him 3 nights ago briefly and he seemed normal and polite which is the scarey part. My wife is pretty distraught over this as is my mother who lives on the other side of him.

Other than educating your children, cautioning them, and continuing to watch over them like a hawk, what should I do? I don't like to make enemies but I certainly won't be able to engage in any type of neighbor relationship with this guy. Aside from letting him know that I have 2 guns which I'm not afraid to use, what else should I do?



Team Endurance Nation


Rambler

Sep 8, 12 6:19

Post #2 of 74 (7478 views)
Re: What do you do when a registed sex offender becomes your new next door neighbor? [QuintanaRooster] [In reply to] Quote | Reply

I don/t think there is anything else that you can legally do, unless you want to move. One of the criticisms of the newer registration laws is that the State psychiatrists no longer evaluate individual cases as to risk level. So many people are subject to registration and the public is unable to tell which ones are particularly dangerous.


IzzyG

Sep 8, 12 6:23

Post #3 of 74 (7473 views)
Re: What do you do when a registed sex offender becomes your new next door neighbor? [QuintanaRooster] [In reply to] Quote | Reply

Could you figure out the details of his case?


tigerpaws

Sep 8, 12 6:34

Post #4 of 74 (7452 views)
Re: What do you do when a registed sex offender becomes your new next door neighbor? [QuintanaRooster] [In reply to] Quote | Reply

I can tell you what I *think* I would do, but not understanding the laws that are probably in place to protect these sickos from even a terse comment I may change my mind.

Once I learned all I could about said offense and it's validity:

"I know who you are, I know about your past. Know this. My 2 children are my world. Pretend like my kids don't exist. I own a flat bed truck. Consequences. Thanks for your time."

Yea that could probably go down as a threat, but it's b/t two people with no witnesses. Who ya gonna believe a convicted sex offender or a family guy?

I'm really sorry about this man I would be going nuts.


IzzyG

Sep 8, 12 6:37

Post #5 of 74 (7447 views)
Re: What do you do when a registed sex offender becomes your new next door neighbor? [tigerpaws] [In reply to] Quote | Reply

tigerpaws wrote:
I can tell you what I *think* I would do, but not understanding the laws that are probably in place to protect these sickos from even a terse comment I may change my mind.

Once I learned all I could about said offense and it's validity:

"I know who you are, I know about your past. Know this. My 2 children are my world. Pretend like my kids don't exist. I own a flat bed truck. Consequences. Thanks for your time."

Yea that could probably go down as a threat, but it's b/t two people with no witnesses. Who ya gonna believe a convicted sex offender or a family guy?

I'm really sorry about this man I would be going nuts.

I would honestly do the same. No witnesses, just tell him this. And I would also add, "I don't know all the details about your case/conviction and I don't care, nor does it change what I'm going to say". Just in case he tries to sell you a story.


AmyCO

Sep 8, 12 6:42

Post #6 of 74 (7441 views)
Re: What do you do when a registed sex offender becomes your new next door neighbor? [QuintanaRooster] [In reply to] Quote | Reply

We had this happen in our neighborhood when a registered sex offender moved back home to live with his parents. Thankfully, the guy wasn't too close to our house, but anywhere in the neighborhood is too close when you worry about your kids. The offender's crimes involved children, and his father was actually on the HOA board. The community was so up in arms about it that they ran the father off the board for "allowing" his son to move into the neighborhood. Right or wrong, child sex offenders living nearby is scary.

The one thing our neighborhood did, though, in response to the situation was to offer a seminar on how to keep children safe from predators. I learned there what I suspected all along -- child sex predators do not generally "attack" children; they build relationships -- what may start as talking, leads to a touch on the shoulder, a hug, and then much worse. These folks look for vulnerable kids who are looking for friendship and love and who won't report. These offenders tend to be very charming and appear "normal." I would advise your children that they are to have absolutely, 100% no contact with this individual. If he or his girlfriend tries to talk to them or invite them into his home, they should tell you immediately. I would also let the neighbor know that you know he is a registered sex offender and that neither he nor his fiance is to have ANY contact with your children.

I hate that these guys are out there. I hate having to tell my children that there are bad guys who look and act like good guys. I have no sympathy for these offenders and frankly don't care all that much "what happened" that resulted in the conviction. I know they have to live somewhere; I just don't want it to be near me.


tigerpaws

Sep 8, 12 6:50

Post #7 of 74 (7422 views)
Re: What do you do when a registed sex offender becomes your new next door neighbor? [IzzyG] [In reply to] Quote | Reply

IzzyG wrote:
tigerpaws wrote:
I can tell you what I *think* I would do, but not understanding the laws that are probably in place to protect these sickos from even a terse comment I may change my mind.

Once I learned all I could about said offense and it's validity:

"I know who you are, I know about your past. Know this. My 2 children are my world. Pretend like my kids don't exist. I own a flat bed truck. Consequences. Thanks for your time."

Yea that could probably go down as a threat, but it's b/t two people with no witnesses. Who ya gonna believe a convicted sex offender or a family guy?

I'm really sorry about this man I would be going nuts.


I would honestly do the same. No witnesses, just tell him this. And I would also add, "I don't know all the details about your case/conviction and I don't care, nor does it change what I'm going to say". Just in case he tries to sell you a story.

Yea those bastards probably have an entire speech ready to go at a moments notice. I know how much I look out for my best pal's kids when they are out and about, I cannot fathom what I would feel like if they were my own and this happened. I would throw myself in front of a city bus for his kids.....being a parent must be that x a kabillion million.


travelmama

Sep 8, 12 6:51

Post #8 of 74 (7421 views)
Re: What do you do when a registed sex offender becomes your new next door neighbor? [tigerpaws] [In reply to] Quote | Reply

tigerpaws wrote:
I can tell you what I *think* I would do, but not understanding the laws that are probably in place to protect these sickos from even a terse comment I may change my mind.

Once I learned all I could about said offense and it's validity:

"I know who you are, I know about your past. Know this. My 2 children are my world. Pretend like my kids don't exist. I own a flat bed truck. Consequences. Thanks for your time."

Yea that could probably go down as a threat, but it's b/t two people with no witnesses. Who ya gonna believe a convicted sex offender or a family guy?

I'm really sorry about this man I would be going nuts.
This. I thought, nationwide, child offenders cannot reside within so many feet of children.


_____________________________________
Andy Gibb http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S-xfFqWaK1s
Barbara and Barry http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CxMOByRYbsY


SH

Sep 8, 12 6:59

Post #9 of 74 (7402 views)
Re: What do you do when a registed sex offender becomes your new next door neighbor? [QuintanaRooster] [In reply to] Quote | Reply

Well, the guy is a human being. Presumably he's served his time, so,

While I don't think I would ever be chummy, I would not be rude or purposefully unfriendly.
I would not threaten his life.
I would tell my children about his situation and that he is not to be trusted.
I would ask my children to let me know about any interaction they may have with the individual should they head down the street.

Interaction with my kids beyond mere salutations will warrant a visit from me.

I think that is what I would do. It could be a little different depending on how my wife might want us to handle it. Knowing her, we would probably end up implementing some kind of telephone aided "hand-off" should the kids head over to grandma's house.


tri_kid

Sep 8, 12 7:03

Post #10 of 74 (7397 views)
Re: What do you do when a registed sex offender becomes your new next door neighbor? [QuintanaRooster] [In reply to] Quote | Reply

You know what they say, once a sex offender, always a sex offender. it doesn't sound like the guy killed or raped anyone, just maybe exposed himself or something to a young girl, not that its right or anything. It would really be sad if you let something like that change your life and you moved. and if you moved, how do you know what your new neighbors are like? will you do a background check on them before you move in? if i were you, i would try and get to know the guy a little. one of my neighbors shot our puppy when i was growing up. they also never paid their taxes and were in general really shitty neighbors, but we never moved.


HardKnox

Sep 8, 12 7:43

Post #11 of 74 (7368 views)
Re: What do you do when a registed sex offender becomes your new next door neighbor? [travelmama] [In reply to] Quote | Reply

It's not that they can't live near children, as that would be impossible to enforce. I'm not sure a municipality can force a registered sex offender to move if his newly married next-door neighbors decided to have a baby.

There ARE enforceable buffer zones for schools, parks, bus stops and day-care centers, however.

http://www.nij.gov/topics/corrections/community/sex-offenders/residency-mapping.htm


To the OP, I would stop short of threatening his life -- but just barely.


http://rouleurreflections.wordpress.com/


Duffy

Sep 8, 12 7:52

Post #12 of 74 (7355 views)
Re: What do you do when a registed sex offender becomes your new next door neighbor? [QuintanaRooster] [In reply to] Quote | Reply

Try to find out what he did, exactly.


This can give you a better idea of how to proceed.

If he took a shower with his confused and neglected 15 year old niece once when they were drunk (not all 15 year olds are good kids) that's totally different than breaking into through a window at night and raping the 12 year old neighbor.

If it's like the former, chill out but keep your eye on him.

If it's like the latter, have tape, plastic sheeting and a shovel ready to go.


Did you surf today?


Amstel

Sep 8, 12 8:42

Post #13 of 74 (7322 views)
Re: What do you do when a registed sex offender becomes your new next door neighbor? [QuintanaRooster] [In reply to] Quote | Reply

I just did a search and there are 10 registered sex offenders within 3 square blocks of my house. I don't worry to much about it. I do notice a decent number of used condoms when I walk my dog.


TriHard Indiana

Sep 8, 12 11:48

Post #14 of 74 (7236 views)
Re: What do you do when a registed sex offender becomes your new next door neighbor? [QuintanaRooster] [In reply to] Quote | Reply

The sad reality is that there's probably convicted sex offenders all around your neighborhood, but this one you know about. BTW, there's an app for that...



Lifeguard: "Do you need help?" Me: "No, that's just my butterfly."


big kahuna

Sep 8, 12 12:02

Post #15 of 74 (7219 views)
Re: What do you do when a registed sex offender becomes your new next door neighbor? [QuintanaRooster] [In reply to] Quote | Reply

QuintanaRooster wrote:
So I am at work yesterday on a busy Friday afternoon in the Emergency Room and my wife frantically calls to tell me that our new next door neighbor is a sex offender. She goes on to tell me that she received a phone call from a friend down the street from us informing her of this. Not long after we received alert e-mails from the Florida Registered Sex Offender Website alerting us to this. We have an 8 year old son and a 10 year old daughter. We are always vigilant about always knowing their whereabouts and generally do not let them out of our sight although there is occasion in which they walk 2 doors down to see their grandparents (my parents live on the other side of this new neighbor). So the sex offender's background is this: age 36, male. He and his fiance bought the house. From the Sex Offender Database I could gather that he was convicted at age 30 of "lewd and lacivious act on a 12-15 year old." I met him 3 nights ago briefly and he seemed normal and polite which is the scarey part. My wife is pretty distraught over this as is my mother who lives on the other side of him.

Other than educating your children, cautioning them, and continuing to watch over them like a hawk, what should I do? I don't like to make enemies but I certainly won't be able to engage in any type of neighbor relationship with this guy. Aside from letting him know that I have 2 guns which I'm not afraid to use, what else should I do?

Not too make any fun of your personal situation but the whole "12-15 year old" thing reminds me of that old Cheech and Chong "Basketball Jones" gag they used to do.

Coach: "My record? What the fuh-hell you wanna talk about my record for? I didn't know she was 13! Hell! She looked 15!"

Interviewer: "No, no Coach! Your basketball record!"

As to what to do in your case? You're already doing it. If you have to shoot him, make sure you drag him up onto your porch after you've popped him, though. Other than that, the guy's got the right to live where he wants, though the court can make him move, I guess, in many states. As long as he behaves himself it's all good. You don't have to be friends with the guy, either. But returning a "hello" if he sends one your way is just good manners and doesn't mean you approve of or sanction anything he's done when he broke the laws of decent society.


MarkK

Sep 8, 12 15:17

Post #16 of 74 (7112 views)
Re: What do you do when a registed sex offender becomes your new next door neighbor? [QuintanaRooster] [In reply to] Quote | Reply

Find out if he is being supervised by an agent with the FL Dept of Corrections or a county Probation Agent (not sure how FL is aligned). If so, and if FL has similar laws as WI, you should be able to talk to his agent and find out not only specifics regarding his case, but also, what his rules allow him to do and prohibit him from doing since it is all public record (at least it is in WI). If he is not being supervised, you could contact the clerk of courts office in the county he was convicted and ask to be provided a copy of the judgment of conviction and the criminal complaint/charging document.
As a society, we have done a great disservice to our children with the concept of "stranger danger" when it comes to sex offenders. Statistically speaking, a majority of sexual assaults that involve children are with a perpatrator who is known to the victim and family. Sex Offenders thrive in an environment in which they can groom, manipulate and control the victim over a period of time. Educating children on the concept of "good touch / bad touch" and creating an environment in which they are not afraid to talk to you about sensative subjects will do far more to keep children safe than scaring them with a concept that only promotes fear.
If you are interested in finding out if there are additional registered sex offenders in your neighborhood, a good website to use is www.watchdog.com in addition to any state websites that may be accessible.
BTW, not all sex offenders are required to register. If they have old convictions which pre-date registration requirements, or if they have convictions which are not required to register by state statutes, they could be living in your neighborhood right now and you would not even know it. I don't mean for this to sound preachy or imply that you may not already be taking these steps, but please, educate your children, talk to your children, know where they are suppose to be and who they are interacting with (coaches, teachers, other children parents), that is the best way to keep your children safe.


realAlbertan

Sep 8, 12 15:54

Post #17 of 74 (7090 views)
Re: What do you do when a registed sex offender becomes your new next door neighbor? [MarkK] [In reply to] Quote | Reply

And some jurisdictions have a one size fits all register for life policy. As it's been pointed out... the OP should do the digging to get the specifics to assess the risk to his family. We have 10 year, 20 year and lifetime registrations here. The downside is most are not made public. The local police only can disclose the most violent offenders to the community.

___________________________________________
http://en.wikipedia.org/...eoesophageal_fistula
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cerebral_palsy
Canadian Record Holder 35-39M - 400 & 1500 m Freestyle/200 m Butterfly


Madduck

Sep 8, 12 16:03

Post #18 of 74 (7079 views)
Re: What do you do when a registed sex offender becomes your new next door neighbor? [Duffy] [In reply to] Quote | Reply

Quote:
If it's like the latter, have tape, plastic sheeting and a shovel ready to go.
and watch a lot of dexter for cleanliness and proper disposal ideas.


(This post was edited by Madduck on Sep 8, 12 17:10)


Rambler

Sep 8, 12 17:06

Post #19 of 74 (7041 views)
Re: What do you do when a registed sex offender becomes your new next door neighbor? [tigerpaws] [In reply to] Quote | Reply

There may be no witnesses but the pervert may have one of your internet posts to back up his story.


sea_ledford

Sep 8, 12 17:17

Post #20 of 74 (7024 views)
Re: What do you do when a registed sex offender becomes your new next door neighbor? [Duffy] [In reply to] Quote | Reply

Duffy wrote:
Try to find out what he did,
exactly.


This can give you a better idea of how to proceed.

If he took a shower with his confused and neglected 15 year old niece once when they were drunk (not all 15 year olds are good kids) that's totally different than breaking into through a window at night and raping the 12 year old neighbor.

If it's like the former, chill out but keep your eye on him.

If it's like the latter, have tape, plastic sheeting and a shovel ready to go.


+1

The problem with the sex offender list is that if it has anything to do with naked body parts and minors, it's possible to end up on the list. So it's completely watered down with BS listings of guys who had sex with their 16 yo girlfriends after they tuned 18, and drunk guys peeing in a school playground at midnight. You just can't tell who the real dangers are.


When I checked my neighborhood there were like 30 in a two mile radius. I'm sure they aren't all rapists and child molesters, but there are probably a few that are. I just can't tell which ones, which makes the list completely stupid.


Duffy

Sep 8, 12 18:51

Post #21 of 74 (6973 views)
Re: What do you do when a registed sex offender becomes your new next door neighbor? [sea_ledford] [In reply to] Quote | Reply

Quote:
The problem with the sex offender list is that if it has anything to do with naked body parts and minors, it's possible to end up on the list. So it's completely watered down with BS listings of guys who had sex with their 16 yo girlfriends after they tuned 18, and drunk guys peeing in a school playground at midnight. You just can't tell who the real dangers are.

It's worse than you think. I know a couple (married) that were caught getting fresh one night in their car (in a public parking lot). They are now both registered sex offenders, almost had their kids taken (actually the kids were taken for a few days) and they have spent the last 4 or so years trying to get off the list. They cannot legally drop their own kids off at school.


Did you surf today?


Rnranimal

Sep 8, 12 19:24

Post #22 of 74 (6934 views)
Re: What do you do when a registed sex offender becomes your new next door neighbor? [QuintanaRooster] [In reply to] Quote | Reply

The only thing my oldest son actually seemed to learn from me was "if any one messes with you kick them in the balls". He was itchin to kick someone for a long time, even though we have several sex offenders in the hood, he never got to kick anyone.


SemperTri

Sep 9, 12 5:43

Post #23 of 74 (6830 views)
Re: What do you do when a registed sex offender becomes your new next door neighbor? [QuintanaRooster] [In reply to] Quote | Reply

a) Stern conversation with the neighbor / "Shot across the bow".
b) List your parent's house and yours.
c) Buy a house next to Angie, Evan and I that has an in-law suite out back in the Old Northeast or Snell Isle.


tigerpaws

Sep 9, 12 6:55

Post #24 of 74 (6811 views)
Re: What do you do when a registed sex offender becomes your new next door neighbor? [travelmama] [In reply to] Quote | Reply

travelmama wrote:

This. I thought, nationwide, child offenders cannot reside within so many feet of children.


Yea I'm uncertain on the laws, but given the way our courts treat criminals I'm going to go ahead and guess it's enforced about as vigorously as the lifeguard kicking me out for peeing in the pool. Oh wait I mean the other guy not me!


(This post was edited by tigerpaws on Sep 9, 12 6:56)


David B

Sep 9, 12 15:34

Post #25 of 74 (6714 views)
Re: What do you do when a registed sex offender becomes your new next door neighbor? [QuintanaRooster] [In reply to] Quote | Reply

Personally I would be careful and not judge until you know the whole story. Keeping your kids away from him is of course totally normal, but the guy might have been a teacher who was wrongfully accused or something like that. He knows that you know - and he also knows that he's got people watching him like a hawk. That will probably be enough to keep his nose clean, even if he is a pedo.


Strength coach and post rehab injury specialist. Check out my blog at http://www.paradigmfitnessottawa.com.

First page Previous page 1 2 3 Next page Last page  View All  
 
 
 



Your Video
If you had a video of your best race ever, how often would you have watched it?
Never
1 or 2 times
Between 3 and 10
Between 10 and 50
Heck, probably hundreds