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Got any good jokes you can tell kids?
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I was at a soccer coaching course over the weekend with an instructor with a great sense of humor. He was dropping a few jokes, and my favorite:

Q: Why did Cinderella get cut from the soccer team?
A: Because she kept running away from the ball.

I thought that would be a good one for my girl's U12 soccer team.

Anybody got any good jokes appropriate for that age?

Travis Rassat
Vector Cycle Works
Noblesville, IN
BikeFit Instructor | FMS | F.I.S.T. | IBFI
Toughman Triathlon Series Ambassador
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Re: Got any good jokes you can tell kids? [Travis R] [ In reply to ]
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There was once an Indian Chief who couldn't fart. So his wife went to the elders and said "Big Chief, no fart". The elders told her to give him a can of beans and report back the next day.

So the Chiefs wife gave him the beans and came back to the elders the next day. "Big Chief, no fart". So the elders told her to give him two cans of beans and report back the next day.

So the Chiefs wife gave him two cans of beans and came back to the elders the next day. "Big Chief, no fart". And the elders told her to give him three cans of beans...

This went on for ten days. After the tenth day and ten cans of beans the Chiefs wife went back to the elders and said "Big fart, no Chief".

Appropriate? Probably not. But kids find it hilarious.

How does Danny Hart sit down with balls that big?
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Re: Got any good jokes you can tell kids? [BLeP] [ In reply to ]
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It's pretty hard to go wrong with fart jokes!

Travis Rassat
Vector Cycle Works
Noblesville, IN
BikeFit Instructor | FMS | F.I.S.T. | IBFI
Toughman Triathlon Series Ambassador
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Re: Got any good jokes you can tell kids? [Travis R] [ In reply to ]
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If you've ever been to Disney World and know the "Monsters Inc" attraction where you can text jokes to them to be read out during the show, I managed to get this one read out last year (I also said I was twelve-and-a-half years old in my text, so that might have helped. My kids and nieces thought the age thing was funnier than the joke).

Q:How do you make a Hawaiian pizza?
A: Same as a regular pizza, but you cook it at... aloha temperature.
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Re: Got any good jokes you can tell kids? [Travis R] [ In reply to ]
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Ok, so a priest, a wookiee, and a midget walk into a bar...

******************************
If I don't, who will? -Me
It's like being bipolar in opinion is a requirement around here. -TripleThreat
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Re: Got any good jokes you can tell kids? [WelshinPhilly] [ In reply to ]
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Excellent. Now we're cooking!

Travis Rassat
Vector Cycle Works
Noblesville, IN
BikeFit Instructor | FMS | F.I.S.T. | IBFI
Toughman Triathlon Series Ambassador
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Re: Got any good jokes you can tell kids? [Travis R] [ In reply to ]
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Here is a joke you CANNOT tell a kid:


A child molester and a little boy are walking into the forest. The moon is barely visible. The farther in they walk the darker and creepier it gets. The little boys says, "mister I'm scared," Child Molester: "You're scared? I've got to walk out of here alone."
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Re: Got any good jokes you can tell kids? [lunchbox] [ In reply to ]
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Think we can work Michael Jackson and a lawyer in there, too?

Maybe I can modify the old "A horse walks into the bar and the bartender says, 'why the long face?'" classic to be more kid-friendly...

Travis Rassat
Vector Cycle Works
Noblesville, IN
BikeFit Instructor | FMS | F.I.S.T. | IBFI
Toughman Triathlon Series Ambassador
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Re: Got any good jokes you can tell kids? [Travis R] [ In reply to ]
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If you're looking to get a pet spider, don't get it from your local pet store. You can get them cheaper from the web.
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Re: Got any good jokes you can tell kids? [Travis R] [ In reply to ]
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3 girls walk into a bar, and the 4th one ducks.
or, alternatively,
3 girls walk into a bar, and the 4th one says "Ouch".

If they're lagging behind, tell them the Little Tomato/ Ketchup joke

Blonde jokes are always a hit.
-What do you call a smart blonde? Golden Retriever
-How can you drown a blonde? Scratch and sniff sticker at the bottom of a pool
-Blonde calls the fire department and frantically says, 'come quick, my house is on fire.' The dispatcher says, 'okay, calm down, how do we get there?' She replies, "Duh, the red thing..."

Also, the no armed/ no leg name jokes. Ex:
What do you call a man with no arms and legs in front of your door? Matt
What do you call a man with no arms and legs rolling through the forest? Russel
What do you call a woman with no arms and 1 leg against a wall? Ilene
What do you call an Asian woman, same situation as above? Irene
What do you call a man with no arms and legs while swimming?Bob
How do you get a 1-armed man out of a tree? Wave






Take a short break from ST and read my blog:
http://tri-banter.blogspot.com/
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Re: Got any good jokes you can tell kids? [Travis R] [ In reply to ]
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Q: What's black & yellow and upside down?

A: A dead bus.



A Chinese couple get married ... and she's a virgin.
On the wedding night, she cowers naked under the bed sheets as her husband undresses. He climbs in next to her and tries to be reassuring: "My darling, I know this is your first time, and you are frightened. I assure you, I will give you anything you want, I will do anything you want. What do you want?"
"I want number 69" she replies.


"You want beef with broccoli?"
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Re: Got any good jokes you can tell kids? [axlsix3] [ In reply to ]
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axlsix3 wrote:


A Chinese couple get married ... and she's a virgin.
On the wedding night, she cowers naked under the bed sheets as her husband undresses. He climbs in next to her and tries to be reassuring: "My darling, I know this is your first time, and you are frightened. I assure you, I will give you anything you want, I will do anything you want. What do you want?"
"I want number 69" she replies.


"You want beef with broccoli?"

The U12's are going to love that one.
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Re: Got any good jokes you can tell kids? [ajthomas] [ In reply to ]
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ajthomas wrote:
Here is a joke you CANNOT tell a kid:


A child molester and a little boy are walking into the forest. The moon is barely visible. The farther in they walk the darker and creepier it gets. The little boys says, "mister I'm scared," Child Molester: "You're scared? I've got to walk out of here alone."

that's really bad, but I LOL'd
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Re: Got any good jokes you can tell kids? [Travis R] [ In reply to ]
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Why did the mushroom get invited to all the parties?

Because he is a fungi.

Why won't oysters share?

They are shellfish.

Why do ducks have flat feet. To stomp out forest fires. Why do elephants have flat feet. To stomp out burning ducks!

These have been certified as bad dad jokes by my daughter.



Travis R wrote:
I was at a soccer coaching course over the weekend with an instructor with a great sense of humor. He was dropping a few jokes, and my favorite:

Q: Why did Cinderella get cut from the soccer team?
A: Because she kept running away from the ball.

I thought that would be a good one for my girl's U12 soccer team.

Anybody got any good jokes appropriate for that age?

Life is full of froth and trouble, two things stand in stone
Kindness in another's troubles, courage in one's own
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Re: Got any good jokes you can tell kids? [Travis R] [ In reply to ]
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Q. What do you call an old snowman?

A. Water.
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Re: Got any good jokes you can tell kids? [Tri-Banter] [ In reply to ]
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Tri-Banter wrote:
Also, the no armed/ no leg name jokes. Ex:

What do you call a cow with three legs? Tri-Tip
What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean Beef
What do you call a cow with one leg? Steak
What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground Beef

Did you hear the one about the Vacuum? It sucks.
Why are the animals at the zoo not allowed to take tests? Too many cheetahs.
Whats so great about Switzerland? Well their flag is a huge plus.
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Re: Got any good jokes you can tell kids? [Travis R] [ In reply to ]
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What do you call a deer with no eyes? No Idear

What do you call a deer with no eyes and no legs? Still no idear?

What dis the hat say to the coat rack? You stay here I'm going on a head.
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Re: Got any good jokes you can tell kids? [Travis R] [ In reply to ]
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What are the 3 rings of marriage?

Engagement ring.

Wedding ring.

Suffering.
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Re: Got any good jokes you can tell kids? [Travis R] [ In reply to ]
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Why did the melons get married?
They canteloupe.

Proud member of Fishtwitch and the ST Grammar Police
disclaimer: I am a PhD, not a medical doctor. The closest I get to surgery is topology.
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Re: Got any good jokes you can tell kids? [Travis R] [ In reply to ]
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What is a dentist's favorite time of day?


2:30






Tooth hurry.
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Re: Got any good jokes you can tell kids? [Travis R] [ In reply to ]
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i usually go with a random version of the aristocrats.




who's smarter than you're? i'm!
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Re: Got any good jokes you can tell kids? [Travis R] [ In reply to ]
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Q: What's the difference between ignorance and apathy?

A: I don't know, and I don't care!

Probably a bit much for 12 years olds, but I love that joke.
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Re: Got any good jokes you can tell kids? [Travis R] [ In reply to ]
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Donald Trump, Barack Obama a boyscout and a minister are on a plane. The engine fails. The pilot runs by jumps out with parachute and says good luck. There are only three parachutes left. Barack grabs one says, I am the ex-president and jumps. Donald says I am the president I will take that Huge one and jumps out. The minister says sonny I've had a good life you can take the last parachute. The boyscout says no worries, Donald just took my backpack.

How do you catch a unique animal. Unique up on it.

How do you know a blonde used your computer. Whiteout on the screen

Life is full of froth and trouble, two things stand in stone
Kindness in another's troubles, courage in one's own
Last edited by: len: Mar 27, 17 16:13
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Re: Got any good jokes you can tell kids? [Tri-Banter] [ In reply to ]
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Tri-Banter wrote:
3 girls walk into a bar, and the 4th one ducks.
or, alternatively,
3 girls walk into a bar, and the 4th one says "Ouch".

If they're lagging behind, tell them the Little Tomato/ Ketchup joke

Blonde jokes are always a hit.
-What do you call a smart blonde? Golden Retriever
-How can you drown a blonde? Scratch and sniff sticker at the bottom of a pool
-Blonde calls the fire department and frantically says, 'come quick, my house is on fire.' The dispatcher says, 'okay, calm down, how do we get there?' She replies, "Duh, the red thing..."

Also, the no armed/ no leg name jokes. Ex:
What do you call a man with no arms and legs in front of your door? Matt
What do you call a man with no arms and legs rolling through the forest? Russel
What do you call a woman with no arms and 1 leg against a wall? Ilene
What do you call an Asian woman, same situation as above? Irene
What do you call a man with no arms and legs while swimming?Bob
How do you get a 1-armed man out of a tree? Wave

Adding to these:
In a ditch: phil
Hanging on a wall: Art
In a mailbox: Bill


A guy goes to a Dr. with cottage cheese in his eyes, broccoli in his nose and carrots in his ears. Dr. examines him and says "Man, you're just not eating right!"

A guy goes to Dr. and says he has repeating nightmares. One he's a wigwam and the other he's a teepee. Over and over. Dr. thinks a bit and says "you're just two tents." (spoken as: too tense)

If blonde jokes are OK: A brunette goes to Dr. and says "doc, what's wrong with me? Every thing I touch hurts! I touch my leg it hurts, I touch my head it hurts, I touch my foot it hurts!" Dr. thinks and says "did you used to be a blonde?" Surprised she says: "yes I was how did you know?" Doc responds with "your finger is broke"
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Re: Got any good jokes you can tell kids? [Travis R] [ In reply to ]
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Travis R wrote:
I was at a soccer coaching course over the weekend with an instructor with a great sense of humor. He was dropping a few jokes, and my favorite:

Q: Why did Cinderella get cut from the soccer team?
A: Because she kept running away from the ball.

I thought that would be a good one for my girl's U12 soccer team.

Anybody got any good jokes appropriate for that age?

When I was a kid the Little Pippie jokes were awesome... and proof that 10 year old's know more about sex that mom & dad want to admit. Parental amnesia maybe?
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