This is the message I got from my longest and closest friend tonight. I stared at it for a while contemplating how to reply.......
He married his wife around ten years ago and it became pretty apparent fairly early on that this woman was the type of woman slowmguy has described. Her mother is a particularly vile, vindictive piece of work who has destroyed her husband's will to exist and is a shell of a man who seems to be the type of guy who avoids rocking the boat to avoid conflict an maintain the status quo. Not a particularly pleasant MIL to be sure.
They have not had a great marriage. This as an understatement. She is every bit her mother, probably worse since the mother is every bit as toxic as her and makes everything worse. When they married, she had two children, he had none, his first marriage and they had one son together who is now 8 years old.
It has probably been around two years that they have been living off and on together (mostly in separate residences sharing custody),separated but if you have ever heard a story of spousal abuse, this is it. Perhaps not so much physical but emotional for sure. She has been so horrible to him, has turned his stepchildren against him and attempts to turn his own son against him. Makes every attempt to berate and insult and denigrate him. His son recognizes this and is aware of the situation (only 8 by the way).
I asked him a few weeks ago why he doesen't go for the next step, to legally separate (or divorce) as any attempts to salvage this relationship have been futile at best. It seems he fears how bad she will make things if he chooses this path. Things go between tolerable and horrible between them and these seem to be better alternatives to what he sees as likely if he attempts to end this toxic mess.
I have been friends with him since kindergarden and we roomed toghether in university. I cannot say there have been many people I have been friends with for a long time but his friendship of forty years is rare for any body and I feel such pain hearing about his situation. I could go on but I would like go get to the reason for the post.
I told him to call me if he needed to talk. I was very alarmed at his message but didn't want to presume the worst of fan the flames. As I said we spoke a few weeks ago and my estimation was that this wasn't a desperate situation.
He said Thanks, he would call in then next day or so. I told him to call me any time and that i was there for him any time. I honestly don't think this is as dire as some may think but when he does call and we do talk (this will probably be tomorrow) I am looking for some wisdom form the LR collective. There is plenty of wisdom floating about around here. Hoping for a little help on how to help a lifelong friend.
Thanks in advance (so canadian)
A false humanity is used to impose its opposite, by people whose cruelty is equalled only by their arrogance
He married his wife around ten years ago and it became pretty apparent fairly early on that this woman was the type of woman slowmguy has described. Her mother is a particularly vile, vindictive piece of work who has destroyed her husband's will to exist and is a shell of a man who seems to be the type of guy who avoids rocking the boat to avoid conflict an maintain the status quo. Not a particularly pleasant MIL to be sure.
They have not had a great marriage. This as an understatement. She is every bit her mother, probably worse since the mother is every bit as toxic as her and makes everything worse. When they married, she had two children, he had none, his first marriage and they had one son together who is now 8 years old.
It has probably been around two years that they have been living off and on together (mostly in separate residences sharing custody),separated but if you have ever heard a story of spousal abuse, this is it. Perhaps not so much physical but emotional for sure. She has been so horrible to him, has turned his stepchildren against him and attempts to turn his own son against him. Makes every attempt to berate and insult and denigrate him. His son recognizes this and is aware of the situation (only 8 by the way).
I asked him a few weeks ago why he doesen't go for the next step, to legally separate (or divorce) as any attempts to salvage this relationship have been futile at best. It seems he fears how bad she will make things if he chooses this path. Things go between tolerable and horrible between them and these seem to be better alternatives to what he sees as likely if he attempts to end this toxic mess.
I have been friends with him since kindergarden and we roomed toghether in university. I cannot say there have been many people I have been friends with for a long time but his friendship of forty years is rare for any body and I feel such pain hearing about his situation. I could go on but I would like go get to the reason for the post.
I told him to call me if he needed to talk. I was very alarmed at his message but didn't want to presume the worst of fan the flames. As I said we spoke a few weeks ago and my estimation was that this wasn't a desperate situation.
He said Thanks, he would call in then next day or so. I told him to call me any time and that i was there for him any time. I honestly don't think this is as dire as some may think but when he does call and we do talk (this will probably be tomorrow) I am looking for some wisdom form the LR collective. There is plenty of wisdom floating about around here. Hoping for a little help on how to help a lifelong friend.
Thanks in advance (so canadian)
A false humanity is used to impose its opposite, by people whose cruelty is equalled only by their arrogance