We're not communicating.

I said that we should not shelter our kids from bullying. I entirely support parents teaching their kids how to deal with bullying, your example being a tried and true technique.

Kid says to dad: "Some kid is pushing me around at school. Can you teach me how to hit him back?"

Said no father ever: "No, you're on your own".

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Books @ Amazon
"If only he had used his genius for niceness, instead of Evil." M. Smart

What is "not sheltering?" Bullying is wrong. People who bully should be directly confronted. Whether the confrontation is done by the victim, peers of the bully, parents, teachers or law enforcement.

The alternative to "shelter" (dealing with it) seems to be "looking the other way" which seems like cowardice to me.

Obviously there are gray areas. At one end there's garden variety taunting and banter. At the other end there's such a vicious, persistent onslaught that permanent damage can result (as in this case).

There are gray areas in victimhood too. There are those without much natural defense (mentally or physically handicapped or with existing conditions like depression or anxiety). There are those who can take more abuse. And there are those who a bully might quickly learn that they picked on the Wrong Guy. Though bullies are pretty good at identifying weak prey.

But, broadly speaking, in a society I consider it a good thing to confront bullying and protecting the more vulnerable members of a community.

Letting bullies bully unabated so that victims "can learn to deal with it" sounds like BS to me. Is that the "Boy Named Sue" theory of child development?

FWIW, at my son's school last year there was a case of a girl posting "mean things" about another kid (or possibly multiple other kids) on Instagram. I'm not privy to the exact details or what was said but my understanding was that it was (in the opinion of the parent of the "victim") rather mild teasing.

The school immediately took action, suspended the girl for a day and had a class wide meeting to discuss appropriate and inappropriate online behavior.

This is a private school, so there's that.

At my son's former (public) school there was a case where a boy made online physical threats and phone calls to a kid (as well as picking fights with him at school) and virtually nothing was done about until the parents of threatened kid went the police.

The police found the threats to be credible, went to the bully's home where they found a bunch of weapons (unregistered guns included). The bully's dad is a gang member.

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Civilize the mind, but make savage the body.

- Chinese proverb

as the president of the united states of america once said,

"we need to get better at cyber."

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https://lshtm.academia.edu/MikeCallaghan

http://howtobeswiss.blogspot.ch/

Yes, but how is that enforceable?

It's hard to prove that someone was actually using their computer to send an e-mail. Whose to say that it was someone else on their computer sending these malicious e-mails and facebook messages?

Maybe the bully isn't even using their real name. Maybe they have created a fake profile. I have heard stories of kids being bullied by someone making up a fake online profile, then start "dating" and become increasingly more verbally cruel over time. How do you prove who is behind the fake profile? Especially if they are being smart about it and using something like a VPN to sign up for their e-mail and social profile that they are making up?

I get with what you're saying, and I agree that schools should have standards and teach these standards, but there is no way to enforce those standards or any rules that could be make up about it.

You bring up an example of posting pictures physically vs on the internet. In the physical example there likely could be physical evidence...such as someone seeing you do it, or video footage of the event. With online...who saw it happen, who knows definitively without a shadow of a doubt who is the bully? These aren't just kids being bullies, some of these stories are literally sack-of-crap parents doing the bullying, but except for the few cases we hear about, how do we tell who the bully is on the internet? Currently we do not have the ability to determine definitively that you and only you are behind your computer using your facebook profile/email whatever. This is why there is a difference between physical bullying and cyber bullying. Yes, both are bullying--i don't want to argue that, but with physical bullying you are much more likely to have witnesses.

Now, with all that said---what can be done? You mentioned having school standards. That's a good start. i also think there should be lessons taught on this stuff. If you're getting bullied on facebook --then delete and block that person. if it persists from multiple people (or the same person posing as multiple people) and it is no longer enjoyable to you then delete your facebook altogether. Teach that it is not worth being on social media if it is not fun for you. As a society we need to make it so not everyone feels like they "need" facebook. I've been off facebook for many years (8?) and I seem to do alright.

If the bully is e-mailing you, then get rid of your e-mail address and find a new one.

Teach the school and teachers to always BCC e-mail recipients so other studies don't get their peers e-mail addresses. Teach the students to protect their e-mail address and only give it out to people who have a valid reason to need it. Teach students not to share their friends e-mail addresses or phone numbers.


Teach parents to be more aware of their children's online presence--which includes both what they are doing online and what they are receiving online.

All of this won't solve everything, but it'd be a start.

The article is pretty lean on details about the texts and bullying. I can't help but think the parents play a part in this. They better be squeaky clean as parents because the defense lawyers are gonna be coming at them. I also don't get the idea of parents saying they could not get the bullies to stop texting their daughter. Take away the phone. Block the bullies on the phone. Get her a new phone with new number.

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It doesn't really matter what Phil is saying, the music of his voice is the appropriate soundtrack for a bicycle race. HTupolev

Unless the circumstances are extreme, the school shouldn't be held responsible for the actions of an errant child. That's what parents are for. Sure, the parent might not have been aware that their kid was being a shithead, but that doesn't make them less responsible.

There has long been a trend where we like to have schools doing things that parents are supposed to be doing. The problem with that is, humans being humans, the more schools do parent tasks, the easier it is for parents to abrogate those responsibilities. We should resist the temptation to blame the school.

Personal responsibility FTW.

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Books @ Amazon
"If only he had used his genius for niceness, instead of Evil." M. Smart