The problem is most people suck, whether they are married or single. Put two sucky people together and no one has fun.

Marriage is easy. Only two things to worry about. First, pick the right person. Second, don't be a dick.

A lot of people aren't able to pick the right person because they aren't worthy of the right person. If you can't get the right one, stay single, any marriage will end up sucking.

We have been together 30 years. Life is good. Any disagreements we have ever had have been because I was being a dick.

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I'm beginning to think that we are much more fucked than I thought.

OMG, "don't be a dick" is a tenant of our relationship. It's really all you need. That, and be nicer to your spouse than you are to your best friend. Ok, and never say no to sex.

It really is. And the tendency is to be more of a dick to your spouse than anyone else.

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I'm beginning to think that we are much more fucked than I thought.

Where's the rest? Table of contents isn't going to get him very far.

We are all broken people. Marriage can be great because it gives companionship and support. When I'm not firing on all cylinders my wife tends to pick the slack and vise versa. That is the point. Nothing wrong with having a support system. I wouldn't call it a crutch necessarily. A life hack is a good term. Recently I read about people who are committed to being single having "life hacks" helping them do it. It is a crutch if you deal with your insecurities by marrying a trophy spouse thinking that is going to make everything great. I don't know too many people really well who have gone through divorce but those that I do, are far from ambivalent about it. And these are resilient people.

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They constantly try to escape from the darkness outside and within
Dreaming of systems so perfect that no one will need to be good T.S. Eliot

Yep. People take their spouse for granted and treat him or her like shit because he/she can't get away. It's crazy when you think about it.

*clap clap* You made me spill my coffee on my keyboard.


To the OP, I do have a jaded view of marriage but not of relationships. I think marriage is becoming a distraction, I see couples (to be fair, I also see single people like that) busy with paying bills, renovations, keeping up with the jones, and wondered if they are still happy.

I think we're all damaged in some way, so yeah marriage means shackling yourself to damaged person. I think too many folks don't know how or aren't willing to be truly honest with their spouses, so as he says in the clip - things get left unsaid and if things are left unsaid both parties can pretend they don't exist. Which in turn leads to misery (how much misery depends on nature of what is left unsaid).

Someone else mentioned Peterson's take was "depressing" - which is interesting because I found it helpful and encouraging in some ways. But that clip is from a ~2 hour lecture on psychological meaning of Adam and Eve story so having the full context of what he's talking about helps I think.

One of the wisest things I heard on marriage and relationships in general - become the person you want your spouse (friend, brother, etc) to be. Its sooo easy to say "if only my wife were more <fill in the blank> then i'd be happy. But if instead you looked at yourself and YOU become more <fill in the blank> things would improve greatly.

Agree with all of this except your wife should be your best friend.

He says why shackle yourself to someone but then says when you look at the alternatives it isn't so bad. He also says people that live together before they get married have higher divorce rates than those that don't. He is basically saying you have to go into the marriage with a clear head about the whole thing. It's a long way of saying "don't be a dick". I didn't find it depressing.

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They constantly try to escape from the darkness outside and within
Dreaming of systems so perfect that no one will need to be good T.S. Eliot

Even then, there's only one way a marriage can end - badly. 100% of marriages end either in divorce or death.

"don't be a dick" is the basis for nearly everything in life.

Want a successful marriage? "don't be a dick"
Success in business? "don't be a dick"
Good parent? "don't be a dick"
Don't want to get arrested? "don't be a dick"

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I'll be what I am
A solitary man