Just a final note to this thread...

As a quick recap - my wife told her niece we'd be willing to pay for 2 months of rent after the kid has been in SoCal for 6 months. My wife has told me it's done, no big deal, time to move on.

I mentioned that my older daughter had a conversation with my wife which was just prior to my wife making the final offer of assistance. Turns out both of my daughters were in the conversation and while I'm getting this through the lens of two teenagers, this is essentially what they told me.

For my kids, we started college 529 plans with they were born. Now that the eldest is heading to college, we've added some money to the overall college fund and sat down with her when we was preparing to submit college applications and reviewed the college funds available to her. Depending on the college she chooses, it's enough money to only require working summers for walking around cash but if there's any gap between her funds and her college expenses, she'll have to fund the gap with a job or loans or scholarships. She laid all this out and has selected a college that will likely drain her funds but not exceed them (and even have enough to join a sorority which she seems intent on doing).

SO...given this kid who was looking for help because his parents cannot afford to provide any financial assistance, and given the tension this is causing at home, my daughter offered part of her college fund to allocate to this kid and help him out. Her logic (as relayed to me) was it is money we've already allocated to college costs so it's not any net new cash from us, she believes she can make up the gap in her own funding by not joining a sorority, choosing cheaper dorm housing, and getting a job after Sophomore year during school, and if this will get me (Dad) off the hook to have to take on the kid and his college funding problems then she's happy to do it. THEN, my younger daughter offered to match my older daughter's contribution and would work and plan so she can make up for it. They said they understand not everyone has parents who planned for college and who can afford to pay for school and it's not the kid's fault he's stuck with limited options because of money and they agree he shouldn't live with us as he'll never learn how to manage his life.

But the offer was contingent on the kid figuring out his own path to get out here and fund himself for the first semester, after which football season ends, he'll have one semester under his belt, and he'd have to prove he can get a passing GPA and he'd have to take the time he allocated for football to get a job for atleast a few hours per week then their funds could kick in. My wife rejected their offer outright - and then made the offer to the niece/kid that we'd do two months after first semester and that's the end of it.

I asked my daughters if they were really serious or expected this would end the topic and they were dead serious. My older daughter had already contacted her university to prioritize the lowest cost dorm available to start. Their offer of funds for the kid was pretty substantial and they thought it would help him through JC and into University in the coming years. I think they overshot with the $s as it would be a bigger burden on them than they anticipated but it's a moot point. I also told them in the future maybe just stay out of the extended family drama and focus on their own futures and let mom and I handle it. All this happened yesterday/last night so I've not thought it through very far and everything was normal at home last night and this morning so I suppose that's good.

Thanks again for all the advice and guidance, truly and greatly appreciated.

JD21

Just a final note to this thread...

As a quick recap - my wife told her niece we'd be willing to pay for 2 months of rent after the kid has been in SoCal for 6 months. My wife has told me it's done, no big deal, time to move on.

I mentioned that my older daughter had a conversation with my wife which was just prior to my wife making the final offer of assistance. Turns out both of my daughters were in the conversation and while I'm getting this through the lens of two teenagers, this is essentially what they told me.

For my kids, we started college 529 plans with they were born. Now that the eldest is heading to college, we've added some money to the overall college fund and sat down with her when we was preparing to submit college applications and reviewed the college funds available to her. Depending on the college she chooses, it's enough money to only require working summers for walking around cash but if there's any gap between her funds and her college expenses, she'll have to fund the gap with a job or loans or scholarships. She laid all this out and has selected a college that will likely drain her funds but not exceed them (and even have enough to join a sorority which she seems intent on doing).

SO...given this kid who was looking for help because his parents cannot afford to provide any financial assistance, and given the tension this is causing at home, my daughter offered part of her college fund to allocate to this kid and help him out. Her logic (as relayed to me) was it is money we've already allocated to college costs so it's not any net new cash from us, she believes she can make up the gap in her own funding by not joining a sorority, choosing cheaper dorm housing, and getting a job after Sophomore year during school, and if this will get me (Dad) off the hook to have to take on the kid and his college funding problems then she's happy to do it. THEN, my younger daughter offered to match my older daughter's contribution and would work and plan so she can make up for it. They said they understand not everyone has parents who planned for college and who can afford to pay for school and it's not the kid's fault he's stuck with limited options because of money and they agree he shouldn't live with us as he'll never learn how to manage his life.

But the offer was contingent on the kid figuring out his own path to get out here and fund himself for the first semester, after which football season ends, he'll have one semester under his belt, and he'd have to prove he can get a passing GPA and he'd have to take the time he allocated for football to get a job for atleast a few hours per week then their funds could kick in. My wife rejected their offer outright - and then made the offer to the niece/kid that we'd do two months after first semester and that's the end of it.

I asked my daughters if they were really serious or expected this would end the topic and they were dead serious. My older daughter had already contacted her university to prioritize the lowest cost dorm available to start. Their offer of funds for the kid was pretty substantial and they thought it would help him through JC and into University in the coming years. I think they overshot with the $s as it would be a bigger burden on them than they anticipated but it's a moot point. I also told them in the future maybe just stay out of the extended family drama and focus on their own futures and let mom and I handle it. All this happened yesterday/last night so I've not thought it through very far and everything was normal at home last night and this morning so I suppose that's good.

Thanks again for all the advice and guidance, truly and greatly appreciated.

JD21

none of them spoke to me at all the entire weekend.......

That sounds ideal

Update your estate planning docs (will/trusts, etc), if you haven't already. I'm serious.

Leeches never go away. They just find new targets, which could be your kids.