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Re: Today's shock story [vitus979] [ In reply to ]
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This is one of the stupidest statements I've heard on here. People can only be wrong and hurtful if they intend to be wrong and hurtful is the inference of this. That's asinine. There's really no point in addressing anything further with you. As is typical with your dialogue here, you're so busy never being wrong in your own mind that you miss it when you might not be entirely right.




vitus979 wrote:
Seriously, while you're lecturing me about putting myself in someone else's shoes, maybe you want to take a minute and engage in some self-reflection of your own. Just because you found it indescribably hurtful when people mentioned your adopted dad doesn't mean they meant any offense, or that you really had any real business being hurt by it. Maybe that's more your issue than theirs.
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Re: Today's shock story [MidwestRoadie] [ In reply to ]
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Here's what I actually said: You won't often find biological parents doing this to their own kid.

Now, I could have gotten all politically correct and super sensitive to the feelings of adoptive parents and children everywhere, and said, "You won't often find biological parents doing this to their biological children," I suppose. But I am entirely sure everyone who read that statement knew exactly what I meant, and I maintain that jumping to the conclusion that I was accusing Duffy of not being his kid's "real" dad is unreasonable. There was no such implication in that statement. I make no apologies for it. If you find that statement hurtful, you're over-sensitive.








"People think it must be fun to be a super genius, but they don't realize how hard it is to put up with all the idiots in the world."
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Re: Today's shock story [orphious] [ In reply to ]
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orphious wrote:
Didnt they say the biological mother had reservations about the adoptive parents? Also, the biological father (or step not sure which) was in prison for sexually abusing the poor girl in 2011 which is why the mother lost custody. Makes me thin the mother stuck up for whom ever abused the girl in the 1st place or allowed it to happen in the 1st place. How do these montser slip through the cracks and be allowed to adopt a child anyway? Makes me really mad at the system that is designed to protect children.

No you've misread the story. The man who was convicted of assaulting a child (not this child in question) in 2011 was the partner of the murdering mother at the time of the adoption of this child.

The guy that raped and killed this special needs child was the subsequent partner.

But yes the underlying point of your statement holds true; how many people are not doing their jobs to permit these type of people to adopt kids?
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Re: Today's shock story [mv2005] [ In reply to ]
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mv2005 wrote:
orphious wrote:
Didnt they say the biological mother had reservations about the adoptive parents? Also, the biological father (or step not sure which) was in prison for sexually abusing the poor girl in 2011 which is why the mother lost custody. Makes me thin the mother stuck up for whom ever abused the girl in the 1st place or allowed it to happen in the 1st place. How do these montser slip through the cracks and be allowed to adopt a child anyway? Makes me really mad at the system that is designed to protect children.

No you've misread the story. The man who was convicted of assaulting a child (not this child in question) in 2011 was the partner of the murdering mother at the time of the adoption of this child.

The guy that raped and killed this special needs child was the subsequent partner.

But yes the underlying point of your statement holds true; how many people are not doing their jobs to permit these type of people to adopt kids?

And nobody from The State will suffer any consequences or be held accountable in any way, shape or form. If they do pin something on a government employee, that employee will either be laterally transferred to another job, promoted to a better position or given early retirement with full benefits.

Yay!

Civilize the mind, but make savage the body.

- Chinese proverb
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Re: Today's shock story [Duffy] [ In reply to ]
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http://www.lehighvalleylive.com/...ith_killing_tee.html

The mother herself used to work as an adoption supervisor, but in a different county. She was fired in 2010, about the same time the husband was being investigated for child abuse. But it looks like she took in this girl back around 2005 as a foster kid.








"People think it must be fun to be a super genius, but they don't realize how hard it is to put up with all the idiots in the world."
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Re: Today's shock story [Duffy] [ In reply to ]
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Duffy wrote:
vitus979 wrote:
It's not, really. You won't often find biological parents doing this to their own kid.


Yes you will.

And "their own kid"?

Is my son not "my own kid"?

Are my parents not "my real parents" because I don't share their DNA?

Look, I'm not an "adoption advocate" by any stretch, but holy crap, think before you type.

At no stage did vitus use the term "real". You introduced it then seemed to keep using it in your debate.

If the above (vitus) statement had been made in isolation then I could see how it could be interpreted as insulting, more so if it were followed up by saying something like "adoptive parents doing it to the kid"; almost implying greater attachment in biological relationships. But the statement wasn't made in isolation it was in response to you saying the repetitive use of the word adopted was irrelevant to the story (which I don't believe it is). The word own is (from the perspective of someone with no skin in the game) interchangeable with biological. It seems like you are more sensitive to it because you've no doubt read comments where the word has been used in an insensitive manner. Probably also explains why you introduced the word 'real'.

I believe ádopted' is relevant and being used not to imply differing levels of care or love but rather to harp on the point that people like this were given care of the child. That the system has failed this child in the ultimate way.
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Re: Today's shock story [mv2005] [ In reply to ]
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At no stage did vitus use the term "real". You introduced it then seemed to keep using it in your debate.

True, but...

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vitus979 wrote:It's not, really. You won't often find biological parents doing this to their own kid.

Implying that adopted kids aren't really "their own" kids.

And the idea that biological parents don't abuse, torture, kill, mistreat their children (or that adoptive parents do so more than bio parents do) is absolutely fucking ludicrous.

Civilize the mind, but make savage the body.

- Chinese proverb
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Re: Today's shock story [Duffy] [ In reply to ]
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And the idea that biological parents don't abuse, torture, kill, mistreat their children (or that adoptive parents do so more than bio parents do) is absolutely fucking ludicrous.

They do, but at a very significantly lower rate, and to significantly lower extremes, then do non-biological parents. The dread Cinderella effect.

It's highly unlikely that you'd find a couple engaging in and acting out a rape-murder fantasy with their biological child.









"People think it must be fun to be a super genius, but they don't realize how hard it is to put up with all the idiots in the world."
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Re: Today's shock story [mv2005] [ In reply to ]
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I wasn't mad at vitus before but im getting mad now...

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Two recent studies help to clarify the issue of how well adoptive children are treated. The first, published in 2007, found that children in adoptive households are treated better than children in homes with two genetic parents.

https://www.psychologytoday.com/...en-over-adopted-ones

Civilize the mind, but make savage the body.

- Chinese proverb
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Re: Today's shock story [vitus979] [ In reply to ]
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Read post above.

Civilize the mind, but make savage the body.

- Chinese proverb
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Re: Today's shock story [vitus979] [ In reply to ]
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vitus979 wrote:

And the idea that biological parents don't abuse, torture, kill, mistreat their children (or that adoptive parents do so more than bio parents do) is absolutely fucking ludicrous.

They do, but at a very significantly lower rate, and to significantly lower extremes, then do non-biological parents. The dread Cinderella effect.

It's highly unlikely that you'd find a couple engaging in and acting out a rape-murder fantasy with their biological child.

The Cinderella effect is addressing step kids. Sometimes, as in your case, a step parent will formalize their parentage by adopting the step child.

I'm talking about children adopted into a two parent home while an infant or toddler. The rates of abuse in these situations is lower than in a biologically parented household.

Civilize the mind, but make savage the body.

- Chinese proverb
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Re: Today's shock story [Duffy] [ In reply to ]
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I read it. I stand by my statement.








"People think it must be fun to be a super genius, but they don't realize how hard it is to put up with all the idiots in the world."
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Re: Today's shock story [Duffy] [ In reply to ]
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Again, in isolation I think "their own" comes across much worse than here where it was in response to one of your statements about the relevance of the word adopted and the point (right or wrong) he was trying to make.

Do you still not believe the word is relevant to the story - not because of any perceptions on care levels but rather the vetting process?

I'm somewhat surprised by your links perhaps because the media jump on the horror stories. I guess so much effort generally goes into the process that the parents really want that child, often more than biological parents who accidentally conceived them see them as s long term burden. I do wonder though if there are just as many conflicting studies.
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Re: Today's shock story [Duffy] [ In reply to ]
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I'm talking about children adopted into a two parent home while an infant or toddler.

How about kids who are taken in as foster kids while a toddler then adopted?











"People think it must be fun to be a super genius, but they don't realize how hard it is to put up with all the idiots in the world."
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Re: Today's shock story [Duffy] [ In reply to ]
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Duffy wrote:
mv2005 wrote:
orphious wrote:
Didnt they say the biological mother had reservations about the adoptive parents? Also, the biological father (or step not sure which) was in prison for sexually abusing the poor girl in 2011 which is why the mother lost custody. Makes me thin the mother stuck up for whom ever abused the girl in the 1st place or allowed it to happen in the 1st place. How do these montser slip through the cracks and be allowed to adopt a child anyway? Makes me really mad at the system that is designed to protect children.

No you've misread the story. The man who was convicted of assaulting a child (not this child in question) in 2011 was the partner of the murdering mother at the time of the adoption of this child.

The guy that raped and killed this special needs child was the subsequent partner.

But yes the underlying point of your statement holds true; how many people are not doing their jobs to permit these type of people to adopt kids?

And nobody from The State will suffer any consequences or be held accountable in any way, shape or form. If they do pin something on a government employee, that employee will either be laterally transferred to another job, promoted to a better position or given early retirement with full benefits.

Yay!

I don't know how much is resourcing vs competence but those in charge of the welfare of children (all children, not just adopted) have time and time again been seen to be dropping the ball with kids paying for it with their lives. How many times do you read about a horrific case then learn authorities had only recently been called out to investigate? Those poor kids they were let down so badly, it makes me very angry. Yet otherwise good parents will get taken to court for smacking their child on a one off citing.
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Re: Today's shock story [TheForge] [ In reply to ]
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I saw this photo and thought of this thread.


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Re: Today's shock story [vitus979] [ In reply to ]
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vitus979 wrote:
It's not, really. You won't often find biological parents doing this to their own kid. Besides that, there's the question of how they came to adopt the poor girl.

First study I pulled up claimed that most child deaths are committed by a biological parent.
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