First, I am sorry for your loss, it would be very difficult to go through what you did.

Second, I will provide a little different perspective on hospice care

A number of years ago, when I lived in the U.S., I volunteered with the hospice program at a hospital. I went through a day of training and offered to spend time with the patients. There was a demand for male volunteers as most are female and sometimes the male patients asked for male volunteers.

My first patient ended up being a woman that belonged to our church. I recognized her but we had never met. At the time, she was told she had 2 months to live and I visited her 3 nights a week, for about 2 hours on each visit. She had 4 children but only 1 daughter in the same city and that daughter would visit her every day. Other than her daughter, and a few of her neighbors, I was her only visitor.

We talked about a lot of things and I ended up asking her about her marriage (her husband died about 4 years earlier), her relationship with her children (2 of the 4 children rarely communicated with her) and her feelings about her death. It took a few weeks for both of us to get comfortable but it she said it was very cathartic for her to speak about so many things.

When she died, her daughter asked me to speak at the funeral and I used that opportunity to tell her children a lot about what we talked about in those few months. I spoke about things that her children didn't know and also told them how their mother felt about them and how she regretted losing contact. The children (they were all grown up with their own families) were very grateful to hear some of the things I said. I, of course, kept some things to myself.

She wanted to die at home and was okay with just having morphine to ease the pain. If she had been in a hospital, she would have felt lonely and isolated. In that case, she was very grateful for hospice care and for the person dying, I can' say enough good things about the program. She was far more comfortable at home, and knowing she was dying allowed her to have peace and get her affairs in order.

You are right about the getting old part, it does suck.

First, I am sorry for your loss, it would be very difficult to go through what you did.

Second, I will provide a little different perspective on hospice care

A number of years ago, when I lived in the U.S., I volunteered with the hospice program at a hospital. I went through a day of training and offered to spend time with the patients. There was a demand for male volunteers as most are female and sometimes the male patients asked for male volunteers.

My first patient ended up being a woman that belonged to our church. I recognized her but we had never met. At the time, she was told she had 2 months to live and I visited her 3 nights a week, for about 2 hours on each visit. She had 4 children but only 1 daughter in the same city and that daughter would visit her every day. Other than her daughter, and a few of her neighbors, I was her only visitor.

We talked about a lot of things and I ended up asking her about her marriage (her husband died about 4 years earlier), her relationship with her children (2 of the 4 children rarely communicated with her) and her feelings about her death. It took a few weeks for both of us to get comfortable but it she said it was very cathartic for her to speak about so many things.

When she died, her daughter asked me to speak at the funeral and I used that opportunity to tell her children a lot about what we talked about in those few months. I spoke about things that her children didn't know and also told them how their mother felt about them and how she regretted losing contact. The children (they were all grown up with their own families) were very grateful to hear some of the things I said. I, of course, kept some things to myself.

She wanted to die at home and was okay with just having morphine to ease the pain. If she had been in a hospital, she would have felt lonely and isolated. In that case, she was very grateful for hospice care and for the person dying, I can' say enough good things about the program. She was far more comfortable at home, and knowing she was dying allowed her to have peace and get her affairs in order.

You are right about the getting old part, it does suck.

My father just passed away after 4 days of hospice care after being released from the hospital. His wish was to die at home. My sister and I arrived Friday evening and by Tuesday he passed. Why hospice was great, coming and going and answering our questions, I wasn't prepared for the physical and emotional responsibility of caring for someone who was rapidly dying. Administering morphine, anxiety medication and providing other medical care was more than I was prepared for. While I stepped up and did what was required, I don't think I would ever place my children in a similar situation.

While I like to believe he died peacefully, it sure didn't seem that way to me. I don't know what hospice said to him and my step mother prior to electing to go the home hospice route, but if your parents ever elect this route, make sure all parties are involved in the decision on where to receive hospice care and what additional support you may need.

Getting old sucks

Sorry to hear about your dad, it's always hard to see a parent/loved one go through that but it sounds like the hospice is making him comfortable as best they can. It does also provide peace of mind to the family to know that is happening.