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The devil made me do it the first time, second time I done it on my own - W

He must be stopped!!! It all starts with a parking spot and eventually spirals out of control. Next thing you know, he'll be cutting lines at Disney world!

Wait, wait that sounds like a good plan -- move the car so spot is available for disabled person, but was it the only spot? Do you think a disabled person had to park further out as a result?

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It doesn't really matter what Phil is saying, the music of his voice is the appropriate soundtrack for a bicycle race. HTupolev

It would have been a reasonable thing to do, but it would have stirred up drama and it wasn't worth it at the time. There were probably five or six other HC spots available in the immediate vicinity, and another open row on the other side. If it were one of only a few available, I'd have insisted he move.

If I were in the car with them, it never would have stayed there to begin with. Probably best that I wasn't, since I wouldn't have chosen the most kid-friendly words at the time.

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The devil made me do it the first time, second time I done it on my own - W

Just re-thunk your situation and realized that my MIL has a handicap parking ticket. I believe that it was supposed to be only for when she had her hip surgery. She recovered and walks fine, but still uses the ticket so I don't know if its the right thing to do by keeping it. But she's 80 yrs old and I'm not going to say anything.

I would suspect you probably have other issues with your FIL and probably vice versa? Some times with the outlaws its best to just STFU and let it go as to not create more family tension or put your wife into an awkward caught in the middle situation.

No real issues with him otherwise, and vise versa. I mean, he does stuff like get married and tell his daughters about it after the fact, and get the boys excited for a visit then pulls the plug when his wife insists he babysit her while she's fighting with her own family, but nothing that's really driven a wedge. He's just a personality type that I'd never be close with. People and family members with whom I maintain close ties would never think to do something like that.

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The devil made me do it the first time, second time I done it on my own - W

I was on a streetcar the other day with my wife and son. The streetcar rides in the left lane so the law is that when the streetcar stops and opens it's doors, traffic in the right lane must stop. Anyway, some tool on a bike whizzed by when people were getting off the streetcar and the driver yelled at him. The cyclist yelled back and the driver screamed at him to "Shove it up his ass". He then apologized to everyone (as any good Canadian would) and almost got a standing ovation for standing up for the safety of the passengers.

This is not related in any way, you just reminded me of this.

Carry on...

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How does Danny Hart sit down with balls that big?

30+ years ago when I was a young lad, me and a buddy were looking for a parking spot in a busy local mall parking lot. We saw a spot open up close to the entrance but then noticed it was labelled as handicap only just as a lady pulled into the spot. My knob friend yells out the window to her "You better be crippled lady!".

Eventually found a spot to park much further away and as we walked towards the mall entrance, we couldn't help notice the lady still struggling to get her wheelchair out of the car. Eeek!!! We were only 16-17 years old at the time so of course we didn't help her or apologize, but I now cringe at our behavior.

I'm with others that say let it go. A more important question: does your F-I-L sit down during the national anthem?
@Kid

You did the right thing by not bringing it up at the time with the kids present.

However, you can confront him now. Next time you see him in person, tell him that you were offended by what he did and from now on, if he uses a handicap sign, you won't allow anyone in your family to be in the car.

He hasn't committed any crime even if it was a bit of a tacky thing to do.


OP should figure out how to handle the anger here, this isn't a stranger he's going to have to deal with on a recurring basis. But what was done is a crime. How is fraud not a crime?

Dick move by your FIL, but holy over-reaction Batman!

If this is your reaction to something fairly mundane, I would hate to see what would happen if something that the rest of us would consider rage inducing happened.

So you already knew he was a self-centered dick. If you could deal with the above I don't think the handicap placard is any worse. It is just more evidence that he is a self-centered dick. You don't have to spend time around self-centered dicks even if you are biologically related.

I have no in-law problems like this. My wife's parents are both mean assholes. We haven't talked to them in person in years. And she is much happier for it. It was a very freeing moment for her when we were at her father's. He started berating her for no reason. I immediately got up, put on my shoes and said, 'we're leaving'. He just stood there with a stupid ass look on his face. You should think about trying it.

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I'm beginning to think that we are much more fucked than I thought.

At least in CA, using one of those placards without the handicapped person in the car is a huge fine. You might approach it that way.

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I'll be what I am
A solitary man

 
Have to say I think you are going a bit overboard with the "can't look him in the eye or ever have a relationship again" stuff. Yeah it was a dick move, it may have caused a vet discomfort but it is doubtful given the plethora of parking spaces. And in the end it is not a battle you are likely to win with a 70 year old, and definitely not one worth picking on his bday in front of the kids so good on you for that.

There isn't much you can do to control other people, and unless someone is directly attacking your family or those who you are supposed to protect, it often isn't a battle worth picking. With in-laws I tend to go with the defer to the spouse route. My in-laws, and I have plenty of them due to divorce and remarrying, are all assholes. They have done 10 times the amount of shitty things that would cause me to cut my own family off for good, but they are not my family, they are my wife's and as such it is her call. If I try to make that call for her it will only cause issues between us. I can give her advice that seeks to limit the damage when she asks, but in the end, the interactions we have with her family are up to her. Now myself, I don't engage with them on my own, I am polite and cordial when she requests my presence, but I don't go out of my way to be around them. I also don't go around my wife and correct them when they wrong me or especially her, and they wrong her all of the damn time!

For you, if your wife wants to get in his face, let her have at it, it will mean a lot more coming from his daughter than from her husband. And if he chooses to be a dick about it and it negatively affects the relationship with your wife and kids, that is his call and she initiated it rather than you. Then just use it as a lesson for your kids, good opportunity to go over honesty and integrity.

A soft answer turns away wrath, and a harsh word stirs up anger - Proverbs 15


It's human nature to think people see the world the same way that we do. This is why when something offends us we assume it was intentional or someone being a jerk when it could be as simple as interpreting the situation differently. It could be that your FIL saw many empty handicap spots and didn't think it was a big deal. Then your wife said something to him and he may have a soft ego and thought it was a challenge to his manhood.

As hard as it is to do I think the best way to handle it would have been to explain why you'd like him to move his car. Even something as simple as "I think it would be a good idea to move your car, because if some handicap vet needs a spot and doesn't get one you're going to look really bad."

By my reaction, you mean keeping my mouth shut and going on with my day, but having my opinion of him altered by a blatant act of disrespect and selfishness?

Somehow over 41 years I've managed to stay out of prison and have never killed or assaulted anyone. Let's hope I can keep that record intact over the second half ;)

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The devil made me do it the first time, second time I done it on my own - W

MA is the same way, person's photo is on the placard.

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"You can never win or lose if you don't run the race." - Richard Butler

That is why you should keep a few ping pong balls on hand. Throw some into his gas tank and he will have to explain to the tow truck driver why he was parked there.

could the placard mysteriously vanish?

More so the near explosion and subsequent inability to ever view your FIL the same again. To each there own, but I actually like when people do things like your FIL did, it makes my judgment of them much easier.

And don't worry, I also have plenty of things that will set me off that most people would find insignificant.

Yeah she should be walking more not less :)

Then again, I suspect for a fair amount of people who get the things, it's a case where avoiding physical activity is the last thing they need.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SjrHAe9efaY

+1; total dick move, but like someone else said ~ I only wish this was the biggest dick move my FiL ever pulled.

Also I've yet to see any kind of vet-centric Fed facility that didn't have plenty of handicapped spots to spare; I'm sure there's some bureaucratic table that spells out how many they need to have for X type of expected usage, with extra 'padding' to be on the safe side. At the Balboa Naval hospital, there's a vast sea of handicapped parking which I've only ever seen with maybe the first row and a half being used, while the regular parking might as well be like long-term parking at the airport with a shuttle to save you the 5-min walk past all the empty handicapped spaces. I think they must have enough room budgeted for 3/4 of the disabled Navy vets in San Diego to all show up at once.

Agreed on all counts (though my own in-laws are generally pretty reasonable people, and the one SIL who was (and remains) an asshole is now thankfully an ex-SIL).

I agree with you, it's a really serious character flaw that would make me view a relative or friend in a very different light. Me first and only, eff everybody else.

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Brian

Gonna buy a fast car, put on my lead boots, take a long, long drive
I may end up spending all my money, but I'll still be alive