Catwood, I connected so much with your post that I almost cried reading it. Except that I'm nowhere near elite and I gain weight during episodes. The stigma is real and is what prevents me from being able to talk about my depression openly. Despite being in a profession in which at least half are on anti-depressants, being out with my condition would render me unemployable. That's brutally unfair, since that stigma assumes we are weak, when it's really the opposite. How many times have you had to completely rebuild your life, coming back from losses in every area of importance? It takes massive strength to do this once, let alone multiple times in your life. I so wish this stuff were easier to talk about.

You are NOT alone! It isn't easy to talk about because nobody talks about it. You will not surprise me.

I have been hospitalized twice. Incarcerated once. Then I somehow recovered and ran BQ marathons, 9IM and countless triathlons. Married for 18 years with two beautiful children. But that didn't solve my problems completely. I was and will always be mentally ill. "I know the face of my father".(SK The Gunslinger)...I know how to stay relatively stable now.

The worst memory I have is rescuing my brother. I had to fly to his location. After seeing how he was, I form-1ed him. He was brought in handcuffs to the hospital and strapped down to a table and pumped full of anti-psychotics. It took 12 hours for him to stop acting like a horror movie demon. Watching him through the window I thought he'd never be the sweet, guitar playing, carpenter that I knew. It took 2 weeks until they would release him to me. That was 16 years ago. He is by all standards 'cured'. But we are never far apart........'Love conquers all"

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Team Off Constantly

I agree with everything you've posted. Thank you.

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Team Off Constantly

Latest three posts were great! Thanks again for the link https://coachgordo.wordpress.com/

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Team Off Constantly

Overcoming deep seated depression is never easy. Gordon has put simple lifestyle habits in place and is very steady these days. Happy you are having benefits from the story of his ongoing journey. Mental wellness matters for us all. Salut, JB

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"age is just a number"

Another resource you might find helpful is headsupguys.org This site, sponsored by UBC and others, has tips for building a support team which seems to be the key ingredient in overcoming depression. Gordon has been active with a Buddhist preschool in Boulder which is a first rate example of a wellness-focused support team. Good luck ! Salut, JB

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"age is just a number"