have three kids and it is MUCH harder - there is always some one to fight with and usually it is 2 v 1 (except for the nuclear times when it is all out war - each kid for themselves cage match time)

costs sky rocket

but the biggest problem - you NEVER have consensus - soem one is always an outlier - worst question inthe world - "Where woudl everyone like to go to dinner" you know you think you are doing something nice, taking the whole snotty crew out - but in the end it is a huge arguement - we all want to go here except for her, we want pizza but he hates pizza (except last night he ate a whole pie by him slef)

it is endless

EDIT - my kids are a bit older than what I have noticed people reporting in prior posts - they at 14, 9 & 8 - my point is things change - it gets easier and tougher, back and forth - we are in a tough phase - everyine hase their own opinions and will voice them with conviction - but they are all still very needy - they can't be left on their own, not old enough to go out on their own - thus the constant disagreement - probably will get better over time - kids learn to drive become less dependent on their parents -

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http://www.clevetriclub.com

rob reddy

Adrian,

Only have one myself, so no insight on what it's like to have three. I do have a helpful formula though that someone with three kids gave me:

First child = 90% of your free time (10% free)

Second child = 90% of your remaining free time (1% free)

Third child = 90% of your remaining free time (0.1% free)

I thought that was kind of funny. Having said that, I think having a second child ourselves is definitely in the cards.

I think the hard thing with three kids is when they get older and you're shuttling them off to their multitude of extracurricular activities. Easy enough for each parent to take one kid to hockey/piano lessons/etc., lot harder when one of you has to deal with two kids. Just a lot more organization needed.

Chris

My wife and I have 3 girls (4,3 and 1). Going from two to three was much easier than 1 to 2. Somedays are brutal, but for us it is mostly the result of the age differences. I sometimes wonder if it wouldn't be easier if they were spread further apart. Having 3 girls also seems to help, as the older two definitely took on the helper role with the youngest.

As for finances, it's no different right now. But, with the youngest gets to the age of gymnastics, ballet and all the other classes - then it will be different. For pre-school, it's not so bad because the oldest is going into Kindergarten, so there is some savings there.

One big change for us, my wife stayed home after the third was born. Prior, she had a very demanding and high-paying job (50% more income than me) and we couldn't imagine giving up the money. Somehow, we haven't even noticed that it's gone. Sure, you learn to cut some corners - but with three you aren't going to be going out to dinner all that much anyway. Plus, you save a boatload by not having them in all day care somewhere. Plus, I have to suffer with only one bike ;-) Seriously, you make do.

Family dynamics are tricky. The middle one, through no fault of their own, will get ignored sometimes. You just have to be conscious to give them the right amount of attention or they'll slip past. We make a point to do things individually with each one, or the two older ones without the baby. That really seems to help.

I'd never go back to just 2 or 1. 3 is so much fun, that we sometimes contemplate number 4.

I'm loving the responses I'm getting. Thanks everyone.

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Adrian in Vancouver

We have 3. 5, 2 and 3 mos. Second to third child is a major difference. Your last shred of daylight personal time is gone.

You go from playing one-on-one to zone defense, but if you and your wife are in-synch, no problems.

Any training you do will have to be while they are sleeping (early Saturday, after 10 PM, earlier than 6 am, etc.). They're wonderful and I wouldn't trade it for anything.

If we could guarantee another boy to balance the equation, we'd have another. Finances will work themselves out.

Hammer away.

XXX posted this on another. SO good I'll post it here also

To all parents:

1. Discipline your children now so the world won't have to later.

2. Don't be naive enough to believe your flesh and blood cannot be a selfish, manipulative little monster. (All these parents out there who bitch about other kids being so bad likely are promulgating the same problem and suffering from the same naivete).

3. Don't ever let your kid disrespect you. If they don't respect you (read healthy fear), then they're not going to respect anyone.

Get these three things right and you've got all the time in the world to love them and make them upstanding, respectful, responsible people.

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I'll be what I am
A solitary man

Your comment about being in-synch with your wife is dead on. From two to three requires a lot better communication and coordination between the parents, otherwise it quickly unravels into mayhem. With three, you have to be able to help out so much more or it will put a huge burden on whomever is at home.

If you do go for three...buy a really good headlight for you bike. You'll use it.

We have 3, 7(son), 6(daughter), and 4(son) also know as the perfect strom!! When we went from 2 to 3 we both agreed it was much more difficult than 2. But now that they are older, I don't think it's much different than 2. The dynamics are different though(we have lots of friends with 2 as reference). It's rare all 3 get along but combinations of 2 always seem to work fine.

Plus with 3, they race me in triathlon using a 3 person relay!!! Short distances of course.

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Fight............Finish

I was running in a 10K recently and a woman passed me at the two mile mark (I'm a guy). Just as she passed me, a car came over the hill in front of us and I said "you better move over there is a car coming." Just then she blurted out "two kids." (See, I'm getting to the point) I was a little taken aback at this and I concluded that what she was telling me in shorthand fashion was "I have two kids and I'm still passing your sorry ass!" I thought for a moment and responded "I have three kids."
I caught up with her at the end of the race and I told her good naturedly that I thought that was an unusual taunt. She laughed and said that she was referring to the two kids in the oncoming car and that actually she had three kids.
BTY - We have three daughters and I wouldn't mind having more daughters like them. They have been a pleasure.

hahahahahahahahahahahhahahahaha!

*cough*

*wheeze*

*LOL x10n*

- good one (reading your mind)

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kestrel driver


DonorsChoose.org (!!!)
bogolight.com (!!!)

Adrian,



No one here mentioed the biggest problem with having 3 kids vs. 2...



When you go out to dinner, most restaurants have 30+ tables with 4 seats but only 2-3 tables with 5+ seats.

I find that every time we go to dinner, we have to sit and wait for a big table when there are 4-person tables open.

Man - that really sucks.

Gary, the solution to that is simple. You just eat one of your kids.

Bad comment I know - but had to say it.

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Adrian in Vancouver

Co-worker of mine and his wife, just had their 11th!!!!!!!!!!!! kid. ELEVEN! WTF? You can't even count that high on two hands, how the heck are you supposed to care for them?

Kids are great, but if people had half as many kids, kids would be twice as great. JMHO... There is a reason we have traffic jams, overcrowded schools, sprawl, etc. and it all starts in the bedroom.

Do the world a favor and just enjoy the one's you have. 6.5 billion and counting, we won't be running out anytime soon.... We may run out of oil, freshwater, and forests though...

Signed,

Someone who made the permanent decision to not have any kids.

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Justin in Austin, get it? :)

Cool races:
- Redman
- Desoto American Triple T

What do you mean by "out to dinner". I'm unfamilar with that term?

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Don't hold back

I agree and am surprised no one mentioned it sooner. Thinking about long term health of the planet some people are deciding to have no more than 2 kids. Basically replacing themselves and adding no more to the population growth.

Personally I think 11 kids is insane and really an ignorant and selfish thing to do...something people should remember - just because you can, doesn't mean you should.

You know the funny thing about internet forums is those people who feel the need (much like religious fanatics) to give you their testimony unsolicited. The thread is titled "ANYONE HAVE MORE THAN 2 KIDS".

If I went over to your "Who likes Cervelo P3" thread and posted that I think Mongoose makes a great mountain bike, how appropriate would that be? Were the thread titled "general opinions on kids" it would be different. This isnt directly an attack on the two posters thus far who have felt the need to sing, just a statement overall on this phenomena on internet forums.

That being said,

I have three. Daughter (almost 5) Son (almost 3) Son (10 mos). I agree witht he pic of the Suburban above...and yes 11 is insane...

I'm full time military, train as hard as I can, bitch and moan very seldom. My wife and I agree that going from two to three was FAR easier than one to two. Maybe its the age difference, my daughter is very mature, and she helps alot, but we are pretty organized, which I feel makes life easier for most any parent. It took us a while to realize it. We still get lots of sleep, meals arent too bad, and we have had at least one in diaper for five years. My wife is a stay at home, but hasnt always been. We cloth diaper, and breast feed, but we are FAR from hemp grwing hippies. (Though I'm wearing a tye-dyed Saint Arnolds T shirt, and we live in Austin- But we drive a Land Rover...)

The big thing I think that has made it easier for us is commitment, we are both VERY motivated to make our quality of life better. We have apretty strict regimen of meal and bedtime. (were not drill Sgts, we break it on opccasion for a trip to the ice cream store or whatever) the kids know whats supposed to be going on at any given time of the day, my Daughter will often announce that its nap time at 1:30. My Son will come in and tell us hes hungry at 1800.

Meal times are pretty much set in stone, if I'm out training I eat when I get in, but usually I dont miss meals. The Army makes me miss too many as it is, so I spend most of my free time with the family.

We share the load in everything, I've changed as many foul diapers as she has, and shes taken the trash out as much as me. (thats life for a military wife, any of you will concur I think) BALANCE is key. I find balance in my training, and balance in my time with the kids. We let them stretch their legs, we respect my little girl when she has an emotional outburst, and feels the need to be her, which seems to make it a lot easier to bring her round when she calms down. My son while having a totally different personality, seems to be travelling down the same road of reason, which tells me were doing something right.

I have to say that in all honesty, and my wife is right here and concurs, Parenting has been the best experience of my life, and nowhere near as hard as everyone said it would be before hand.

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Excuse me for jumping right into your forum...

We have three-- girls 5.5 and 4, and a boy 2.5. We found three much harder, as it means the parents basically have no time off. The oldest kid (esp. if its a girl) tends to be pretty helpful at this stage, though.

Re. the budget, it doesn't seem that different at this point with day-to-day expenses, but the thought of having three kids in college at once is never far from my head when we're talking finances. We ended up having a babysitter come to our house rather than drop off three kids for day care; generally I think this has been better, but you do have to make sure your kids are in play groups or something for socialization. If you use day care then you would notice a bigger hit to your monthly budget.

For us, all the kids want mom at some point, so she bears the brunt of the time crunch. If your wife will stay at home, it will not be as bad, although that presents its own set of problems. A night out with girl friends for adult conversation while you watch the kids will be essential fairly often.

If you can afford it, and your marriage is in good shape and your wife is up for it, I think you would love having three kids. Our kids seem to be good friends and the joy from watching them just horse around together is incredible.

Regarding how more kids will affect personal time and training, in my single days I used to have a bunch of outdoor hobbies which would take all day--- kayaking, rock climbing, skiing, etc. Nowadays all that is on hold for a while and I take my personal time in one or two hour increments. I "train," if you could call it that, for about three hours per week.

Tom

P.S. The Suburban ought to be a minivan...

P.P.S. When did this thread get put in the lavender room?

If we go with the third, the ages will be 6(boy), 4.5 (girl), and newborn. My wife's concern is the gap in ages from my daughter to the potential newborn. I am not sure if the gap is a good or bad thing.

I started this thread in the regular room simply because balancing family and triathlon goals is a challenge (with family always taking precedence naturally). I don't mind it is in the Lavender room, but I do think it has a place in the regular room because I am not taking about politics here.

Thanks for your input.

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Adrian in Vancouver