Have you wondered whether your BF may be part of the cause of the problem? It may be hard to admit, but if you were advising a friend, wouldn't you think her BF was being emotionally abusive? Not to say he isn't great otherwise... but still. I hope you're doing better.

hey-well here's an update.
It's hard (impossible really!) to really explain it all-apart from those 2 episodes, my BF has been great....we talked and he reacted partly out of fear and helplessness, and also $$ a big worry-I am on disability and going back to work in a week or 2, depending how it goes. The $$ was delayed and we were really scraping by for a while, and having that over my head was not helping.
Other than not sleeping more than a few hours at a time, things are much better.
And-though perhaps not the best way to do it, after my meds were changed to Effexor and my thyroid meds upped slightley, I've finally lost that 'last ten pounds' and hope to keep it off for good.
Energy is not what it used to be, I am trying to at least walk or bike 45-1hour a day. So-on the mend I think! thanks for all your posts and messages.

Good advice. Unfortunately, panic and depression are highly influenced by mood/attitude/etc. Studies show that a placebo alone is 80% as successful as SSRI's at treating depressive symptoms. If you think you will be better, then you most likely will be. Why take pills with side effects when sugar pills are almost as effective and things like exercise are extremely effective at treating depression? CBT is just as effective as medication, and most importantly, the relapse rate is much lower. More than half of patients on medication who claim to be "cured" of depression relapse within 5 years even if they are continuing their medication. Your brain adjusts to the medication by reducing production of serotonin, bringing you back to the level before medication. That is why you see depression patients switching from drug to drug to drug. No wonder you've been through 5 FIVE different drugs.