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Road bike pjorn guidelines, for discussion
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Carl Spackler
Mar 16, 12 14:00
Post #1 of 70
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Road bike pjorn guidelines, for discussion
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Recently I've grown concerned about the gratuitous and sometimes abusive use of the phrase “bike pjorn,” which is afflicting ST like Stuxnet on a Windows PC. A stock bike with al wheels labeled “pjorn?” I think not--where will it end?
Today while “practicing my aero position” (a figure of speech for "bored crazy" riding the trainer because it’s pouring again) I thought of a few simple guidelines to gauge worthiness of bearing this moniker. Discuss.
1) Stover’s Rule mandates that black frames have more soul than any other; available data supports this. Additional color must be introduced with reserve and by qualified experts.
2) Black frames are mandated. But matching black bar tape and saddle is like married and pregnant Snookie—zero entertainment factor*. While utilitarian, this demonstrates a fundamental lack of panache. Alternatively, white bar tape and saddle: PRO
3) Bike computers should be compact and provide basic functions for training and/or racing. Devices capable of controlling an orbiting spacecraft have no place on handlebars and should be dispatched to the Nerdery. Likewise, if an iPhone is your preferred “data measuring device” in order to also check ST or post FB updates while riding, then you belong in the Nerdery.
4) Carbon is sexy. This incudes components made of carbon as well as those carbon colored. Adding more carbon is the equivalent of a Victoria’s Secret model discarding clothing.
5) Last, and of utmost importance: do you race your bike around the living room? Then why would you photograph it there or the hallway? Bikes are outdoor machinery and treating them as interior decor is an injustice beyond reproach, like dressing a Black Lab in a cardigan sweater. Any image taken where furniture, art, or floor material other than asphalt or concrete is present immediately disqualifies the submission as pjorn.**
*Black crank, hubs and/or pedals are partial mitigating factors
**Product introductions exempt
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(This post was
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by Carl Spackler on Mar 16, 12 15:27)
beanmj
Mar 16, 12 14:05
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Re: Road bike pjorn guidelines, for discussion [Carl Spackler]
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Carl Spackler wrote:
PRO
Using the term "PRO" is an automatic disqualifier for any who may claim to be an assessor of aesthetics.
If there's a bottle cage, there needs to be a bottle.
(This post was
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by beanmj on Mar 16, 12 14:05)
chunkytfg
Mar 16, 12 14:06
Post #3 of 70
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Re: Road bike pjorn guidelines, for discussion [Carl Spackler]
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Whilst IMO that bike constitutes bike porn have you not fallen foul of rule 3 yourself as from where I sit that is a pretty sizeable computer so i'm guessing GPS based and as you put it 'Devices capable of controlling an orbiting spacecraft have no place on handlebars and should be dispatched to the Nerdery'?
brown_dog_us
Mar 16, 12 14:06
Post #4 of 70
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Re: Road bike pjorn guidelines, for discussion [Carl Spackler]
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Allowances need to be made for "Vintage Pjorn".
(This post was
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by brown_dog_us on Mar 16, 12 14:09)
Carl Spackler
Mar 16, 12 14:42
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Re: Road bike pjorn guidelines, for discussion [chunkytfg]
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Garmin 500, about the smallest around...
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trukweaz
Mar 16, 12 14:46
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Re: Road bike pjorn guidelines, for discussion [Carl Spackler]
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good points. but setback seat post with seat pushed forward....not PRO
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IzzyG
Mar 16, 12 14:46
Post #7 of 70
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Re: Road bike pjorn guidelines, for discussion [Carl Spackler]
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Do you get extra points if your hot wife or sister is pictured with the bike? And that supposed hotness need to be obvious. No gray area/maybe's allowed.
chunkytfg
Mar 16, 12 14:48
Post #8 of 70
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Re: Road bike pjorn guidelines, for discussion [Carl Spackler]
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Carl Spackler wrote:
Garmin 500, about the smallest around...
My cateye computer is far smaller and provides all the info I need. A 500 is hardly fitting in with your rule!
Bretom
Mar 16, 12 14:52
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Re: Road bike pjorn guidelines, for discussion [brown_dog_us]
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brown_dog_us wrote:
Allowances need to be made for "Vintage Pjorn".
Hairy bikes?
"Are you sure we're going fast enough?" - Emil Zatopek
rroof
Mar 16, 12 14:52
Post #10 of 70
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Re: Road bike pjorn guidelines, for discussion [Carl Spackler]
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LOL! You must be bored today Chris, but I like it.
Not so sure about #5 - what about a newly introduced bike in Las Vegas for example? Can't be outside. Better still, how about a good view of said steed with you on it in some cool position?
____________________________________
Fatigue is biochemical, not biomechanical.
- Andrew Coggan, PhD
Quel
Mar 16, 12 14:55
Post #11 of 70
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Re: Road bike pjorn guidelines, for discussion [Carl Spackler]
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6) Must be a BMC.
rroof
Mar 16, 12 14:57
Post #12 of 70
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Re: Road bike pjorn guidelines, for discussion [Quel]
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Not unless you ride for "BMC"
And yes, Carl Spacker rides for Specialized
____________________________________
Fatigue is biochemical, not biomechanical.
- Andrew Coggan, PhD
(This post was
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by rroof on Mar 16, 12 14:58)
echappist
Mar 16, 12 15:05
Post #13 of 70
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Re: Road bike pjorn guidelines, for discussion [Carl Spackler]
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Carl Spackler wrote:
1) Stover’s Rule mandates that black frames have more soul than any other; available data supports this. Additional color must be introduced with reserve and by qualified experts.
2) Black frames are mandated. But matching black bar tape and saddle is like married and pregnant Snookie—zero entertainment factor*. While utilitarian, this demonstrates a fundamental lack of panache. Alternatively, white bar tape and saddle: PRO
*Black crank, hubs and/or pedals are partial mitigating factors
3) Bike computers should be compact and provide basic functions for training and/or racing. Devices capable of controlling an orbiting spacecraft have no place on handlebars and should be dispatched to the Nerdery. Likewise, if an iPhone is your preferred “data measuring device” in order to also check ST or post FB updates while riding, then you belong in the Nerdery.
4) Carbon is sexy. This incudes components made of carbon as well as those carbon colored. Adding more carbon is the equivalent of a Victoria’s Secret model discarding clothing.
5) Last, and of utmost importance: do you race your bike around the living room? Then why would you photograph it there or the hallway? Bikes are outdoor machinery and treating them as interior decor is an injustice beyond reproach, like dressing a Black Lab in a cardigan sweater. Any image taken where furniture, art, or floor material other than asphalt or concrete is present immediately disqualifies the submission as pjorn.
6. Classic round bars only, no abominations that go by the name of ergo, anatomic, curve, etc.
chunkytfg wrote:
Carl Spackler wrote:
Garmin 500, about the smallest around...
My cateye computer is far smaller and provides all the info I need. A 500 is hardly fitting in with your rule!
anything smaller wouldn't be large enough to display the power he puts out
(This post was
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by echappist on Mar 16, 12 15:08)
echappist
Mar 16, 12 15:07
Post #14 of 70
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Re: Road bike pjorn guidelines, for discussion [rroof]
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rroof wrote:
Not unless you ride for "BMC"
And yes, Carl Spacker rides for Specialized
probably the only reason he puts up with the awful rib cages as opposed to using Elite cages
Quel
Mar 16, 12 15:16
Post #15 of 70
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Re: Road bike pjorn guidelines, for discussion [rroof]
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Oh sure. Having someone pay for your bike is "pro". But not "
PRO
". Duh.
Carl Spackler
Mar 16, 12 15:21
Post #16 of 70
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Re: Road bike pjorn guidelines, for discussion [echappist]
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@rod - excellent point about a bike intro. Change noted
@echappist - I was really close on your #6, the classic round, al bars. That's what I use -- a $40 Deda alloy bar -- but I thought some latitude was allowable.
Touche
on the cages. (team bike last year, and it didn't have the same soul)
@quel - I wish someone gave me a bike but let's face it, masters racers are the 'meh' of the cycling
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(This post was
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Ti T'war
Mar 16, 12 15:29
Post #17 of 70
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Re: Road bike pjorn guidelines, for discussion [Carl Spackler]
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I for one am Shocked at the utter lack of adherence to basic bike photo rules in this thread.
Cranks need to be at 3:00 or 12:00. No exceptions.
Wheel decals should be lined up (I'm guilty of this rule violation several times I admit.
Chain must be in the large chainring and at least halfway down the cog.
In principle i agree with this thread. The term pjorn is highly overused.
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bobby11
Mar 16, 12 15:37
Post #18 of 70
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Re: Road bike pjorn guidelines, for discussion [Carl Spackler]
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Originally wanted the bare carbon frameset. Long wait involved. "Settled" for this. I think she turned out pretty nice. Already had a front eebrake I was using on a TT bike. Pressed it into service here and added a matching rear. I LOVE riding this bike, but I hate being seen riding it because I'm such a posseur to have something like this. So unworthy. I'm hoping it's worthy of Friday (road) Bike Pjorn.
rroof
Mar 16, 12 15:40
Post #19 of 70
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Re: Road bike pjorn guidelines, for discussion [bobby11]
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White saddle, bar tape and matching front Zipp decals and pjorn for sure!
____________________________________
Fatigue is biochemical, not biomechanical.
- Andrew Coggan, PhD
mile2424
Mar 16, 12 16:32
Post #20 of 70
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Re: Road bike pjorn guidelines, for discussion [rroof]
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Anything with S-Works on the DT and a racing livery seems to work for me
ShoMyOFace
Mar 16, 12 17:10
Post #21 of 70
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Re: Road bike pjorn guidelines, for discussion [Carl Spackler]
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#7 the appropriate alignment of crank arms - at 4 o'clock on the drivechain side facing camera.
Both of the posted examples fail miserably. Ditto on the saddle rammed forward - wtf is that?
http://theworldthroumyeyes.tumblr.com/
Jaymz
Mar 16, 12 17:36
Post #22 of 70
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Re: Road bike pjorn guidelines, for discussion [Carl Spackler]
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Point 2 should be given as homework to purchasers of the new breed of modern bicycle. The phrase "Yeah, it looks so stealth" is better left to uninspired nineteen year olds in badly painted Honda Civics. It doesn't look stealth, it just look dirty ... always.
While we are on the subject. Trek's Project One and the like have become the go to resource for creating some of the most awkward colour combinations known to man. Bicycle designers and graphic artists take great pride in producing some quality aesthetics. So, Joe Schmoe (accountant, father of 2 and weekend warrior) you are unlikely to outdo the aforementioned creatives on their home turf. And, yes, adding the Trek flame effect overlay is a really, really bad idea.
Carl Spackler
Mar 16, 12 19:11
Post #23 of 70
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Re: Road bike pjorn guidelines, for discussion [ShoMyOFace]
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Crank arm and chainring positions are more style points than anything else. I believe this to be a fallacy perpetuated by triathletes overly concerned with aesthetic as opposed to style AND function. In other words, it's a pose, and temporary to that given point in time. Hop on the bike to ride it and that pose is gone, but the overall spirit of the bike moves down the road.
Saddle position is a result of the offset seat post that shipped with the frame, which works just fine.
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climber7
Mar 16, 12 19:21
Post #24 of 70
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Re: Road bike pjorn guidelines, for discussion [rroof]
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rroof wrote:
Better still, how about a good view of said steed with you on it in some cool position?
woah, woah, woah. what do you think this is? he said BIKE pjorn.
jeffp
Mar 16, 12 19:29
Post #25 of 70
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Re: Road bike pjorn guidelines, for discussion [Carl Spackler]
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that would be much better without th ewhite on the seatpost. that seatpost is just wrong.
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