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relationship advice: i woke up my boyfriend, why is it such a big deal? now with update
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slink
Jul 16, 08 6:54
Post #1 of 25 (1080 views)
relationship advice: i woke up my boyfriend, why is it such a big deal? now with update
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i posted this already in the lavender room, but i thought that the women's might have some good inpoint as well!!
i woke up my boyfriend this morning as i was leaving for work. he should have been leaving at the same time but he's been sleeping in a lot lately. the alarm went off at 7:30 and i got up and got ready for work, i brought him a smoothie in bed (which he drank right away, implying that he would get up as well). at 8:45 i had to leave to catch the bus so i went back in the room to say goodbye and he freaked out! he jumped out of bed and yelled "IM LEAVING!!!" and then told me that i cannot possibly understand how annoying i am in the morning and that he cant take it. i was pretty pissed and i left for work.
can someone please shed some light on why this is such a big deal?
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fitzie
Jul 16, 08 6:59
Post #2 of 25 (1078 views)
Re: relationship advice: i woke up my boyfriend, why is it such a big deal? [slink]
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Maybe he wanted/expected sex?
"We thought that we had the answers, it was the questions we had wrong."
Bono
slink
Jul 16, 08 7:03
Post #3 of 25 (1075 views)
Re: relationship advice: i woke up my boyfriend, why is it such a big deal? [fitzie]
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nope, he gets plenty.
NamssoB
Jul 16, 08 7:07
Post #4 of 25 (1071 views)
Re: relationship advice: i woke up my boyfriend, why is it such a big deal? [slink]
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I know EXACTLY what happened, but I can't explain it, at least not easily. This entire thread will be a bunch of stereotypes and opinions because everyone is different, but because I HAVE DONE THAT and STILL DO THAT (shameful, I know), I can relate. Some guys just like to be left alone - he knew you would need to leave, he wanted a few extra minutes of shut-eye, or maybe he WAS upset about no-sex and was hoping you'd leave soon to do the deed himself. But regardless, you sort of invaded his space by coming back in.
It's not a nice thing - I bark at my wife WAY TOO MUCH for things like that, when I see her walk out of the room, and I go to do something - read e-mail, read my book, log my daily workout, etc, then she comes back in to ask me something or just to let me know she's leaving - DAMMIT WHAT DO YOU WANT?!?!?! Repeat conversations about the obvious are annoying to me, and if it interrupts something I am trying or wanting to do, I get upset about it. Maybe your BF is the same way. I think guys are simple in that our mindset is something "We talked about that, move on." She's leaving for work, there is no DAMN need for her to come back in and tell me the obvious when I've already started my 'by-myself-time'. WHAT THE HELL DO YOU WANT NOW?!?!?! Maybe he's feeling like you're being clingy.
SO - ladies - flame me all you want, I am NOT saying this is fair, kind, or decent behavior. It's something that I think is rude, inconsiderate, and not a loving way to respond to someone who cares about you. But it happens, and hopefully I've explained why I do it to help you understand why your BF does it.
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matti58
Jul 16, 08 7:22
Post #5 of 25 (1061 views)
Re: relationship advice: i woke up my boyfriend, why is it such a big deal? [slink]
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I think NamssoB makes some good points. I remember my dad doing things like this when I was growing up. Seemingly harmless little things would send him over the edge for one reason or another. I can get irritated in these situations as well, but I don't make that known like your boyfriend did. Part of why I get irritated is that I feel that there is a lot of "meaningless" small-talk that goes on in my day-to-day relationships - whether it's a work colleague, my girlfriend, or whoever. Small-talk can drive me crazy; does it bother your boyfriend?
slink
Jul 16, 08 7:27
Post #6 of 25 (1048 views)
Re: relationship advice: i woke up my boyfriend, why is it such a big deal? [NamssoB]
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thank you, i think you're right. he probably was waiting for me to leave so he could get some extra sleep and i came back in for no reason. i do think he should apologize for yelling though...
lisazapato
Jul 16, 08 7:31
Post #7 of 25 (1041 views)
Re: relationship advice: i woke up my boyfriend, why is it such a big deal? [slink]
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has he been unhappy at work lately? his irrational jumping at you makes me think it's not you that's bugging him. if he's been sleeping in lately, he's probably thinking about how much he doesn't want to go to work, or is having some sort of work/existential crisis that he is trying to deal with on his own, and you coming in like sunshine to say goodbye when he is supposed to be leaving probably just highlights to him his problems with work, and made him jump out at you.
obviously this could be totally wrong, but if my husband did that to me, given what i know about him, i'd be sure this was it. however, since we know nothing really about your boyfriend, it's hard to really place his behavior in context and figure out what the problem is - hopefully our responses will give you a jumpstart and you can fill it in yourself.
braylan
Jul 16, 08 8:05
Post #8 of 25 (1007 views)
Re: relationship advice: i woke up my boyfriend, why is it such a big deal? [slink]
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Sounds to me like he was being defensive. Maybe he thought you were going to nag him about sleeping in, or treat him like a little boy who can't get himself up in the morning. Sometimes men like to be taken care of, and other times they hate it. They are not as simple as they would have us believe...
trackie clm
Jul 16, 08 8:14
Post #9 of 25 (997 views)
Re: relationship advice: i woke up my boyfriend, why is it such a big deal? [NamssoB]
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>>SO - ladies - flame me all you want, I am NOT saying this is fair, kind, or decent behavior. It's something that I think is rude, inconsiderate, and not a loving way to respond to someone who cares about you. But it happens, and hopefully I've explained why I do it to help you understand why your BF does it. <<
No flame. Thanks for trying to put it into words. Very helpful for future reference.
clm
http://ironclm.typepad.com
shelly
Jul 16, 08 8:43
Post #10 of 25 (968 views)
Re: relationship advice: i woke up my boyfriend, why is it such a big deal? [trackie clm]
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It sounds like bf isn't a morning person. Some of us aren't but he should be more considerate. Maybe you need to except this fact and keep it in mind for the future........there are much worse flaws he could have.
trailbait
Jul 16, 08 8:57
Post #11 of 25 (955 views)
Re: relationship advice: i woke up my boyfriend, why is it such a big deal? [slink]
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I dated a guy like this once and he turned out to be cuckoo for cocoa puffs. How is he going to act when the sh*t really hits the fan? When I started having real problems with temper tantrum boy, it was scary. Everything was MY FAULT. Of course, when we broke up he bawled like a baby. Even though it's been 5 years since we broke up, I'm still a little afraid of him. I would not put myself through that drama again.
I married an even tempered man who I can say just about anything to and life is going very nicely for us. We have weathered many storms together and I can totally count on him. That is very important to me.
I would confront him about his behavior if it means that much to you and proceed with caution. I notice a lot of people saying it isn't a big deal but I would watch out for drama queens, life with them isn't easy.
Erika
http://tribabe.com
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dreaming~big
Jul 16, 08 9:09
Post #12 of 25 (943 views)
Re: relationship advice: i woke up my boyfriend, why is it such a big deal? [trailbait]
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x2. and drink the smoothie yourself! my DH is very mellow with me even though i'm a true pain in the arse ... query whether this BF is gonna get any better ... you may want to consider whether it's worth the sh*t. specially when you're being nice.
slink
Jul 16, 08 9:13
Post #13 of 25 (934 views)
Re: relationship advice: i woke up my boyfriend, why is it such a big deal? [dreaming~big]
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this is the only issue in our relationship (so far), but he takes it very seriously. this morning we had been talking before the incident, and i honestly thought he was about to get up anyway so i wasn't trying to be quiet.
lisac957
Jul 16, 08 9:47
Post #14 of 25 (894 views)
Re: relationship advice: i woke up my boyfriend, why is it such a big deal? [braylan]
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or treat him like a little boy who can't get himself up in the morning.
She said he was supposed to be up... so it sounds like he DOES have a problem getting up on time. Is it wrong to try and help someone not oversleep? I am NOT a morning person, but if I was going to be late for work and got woken up I'd say THANK YOU! Not yell at them.
My first reaction was that he is just being lazy doesn't want to hear that he is being lazy from someone else.
Khai
Jul 16, 08 11:57
Post #15 of 25 (794 views)
Re: relationship advice: i woke up my boyfriend, why is it such a big deal? [slink]
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I'd just like to say that you can wake me up with a smoothie
anytime
... :D
*well - anytime in the morning. Please don't wake me up at midnight or anything like that when I have to be up at 04:30 for Masters!
<If you're gonna be dumb, you gotta be tough>
Get Fitter!
Proud member of the Smartasscrew, MONSTER CLUB
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braylan
Jul 16, 08 12:03
Post #16 of 25 (790 views)
Re: relationship advice: i woke up my boyfriend, why is it such a big deal? [lisac957]
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You forgot the part of my quote that said "maybe he thought." I didn't say she was treating him like a little boy; I said he might have taken it that way which would explain his snippy behavior. What he said to her was "I'm leaving!" which to me sounds like a reaction from someone who is expecting to be told to get up. She was looking for possible explanations for his behavior and I offered one based on the information given. I don't know either one of these people or what time they need to get up or who needs help with it.
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NorthShore
Jul 16, 08 13:39
Post #17 of 25 (729 views)
Re: relationship advice: i woke up my boyfriend, why is it such a big deal? [slink]
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I would say there are two communication isues to deal with;
1) How the two of you choose to communicate in a heated moment. Are you willing to accept yelling, attacks, etc...?
Every couple is different and no one way is right. If you can take some time to talk about communication and what are your boundaries during a calm time it will help you to understand what is going on when the heat goes up. In this situation are you more upset by his yelling or his comments?
2) How are you supposed to know you are irritating if you haven't been told? How do you know what he wants if you haven't discussed it? Most day to day issues that create conflict can be avoided by talking. Obviously he has needs in the morning that he likes to be met and you might find out more about why you do mornings the way you do.
You are doing great things that you might love to be done for you, smoothie...saying good bye, but those might not be his needs. We all have different needs in our lives. I hate using this, but it is a simple way to oversimplify this statement -
http://www.fivelovelanguages.com/30sec.html
If you can get better at communication, just like ALL of us need to do, it could help a lot more in the long run.
PS I would love my GF to bring me a smoothie in the morning, but I did get a salad for lunch. :-)
it turns out that our OP is only "mostly" dead........ ElGordo
Katy
Jul 16, 08 14:10
Post #18 of 25 (708 views)
Re: relationship advice: i woke up my boyfriend, why is it such a big deal? [slink]
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I recently had a discussion about crankiness and behavior related thereto. I had to point out that it is completely unacceptable to throw attitude my way when I am going out of my way to be nice. I really don't think he realized exactly how he was acting. I am pleased to say he modified accordingly. I'm not driving 50 miles to hang out with someone if hey are going to take a bad mood out on me.
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Awww, Katy's not all THAT evil. Only slightly evil. In a good way. - JasoninHalifax
If Katy wants it that way, then that's the way Katy gets it.-big kahuna
JohnG
Jul 16, 08 14:43
Post #19 of 25 (694 views)
Re: relationship advice: i woke up my boyfriend, why is it such a big deal? [Katy]
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I think that comes under the heading of "Bitch to me, not at me"
j
Katy
Jul 16, 08 14:45
Post #20 of 25 (691 views)
Re: relationship advice: i woke up my boyfriend, why is it such a big deal? [JohnG]
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It was more like, "if you're going to be a dick, I'm not coming over".
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http://web.mac.com/kjossy
Awww, Katy's not all THAT evil. Only slightly evil. In a good way. - JasoninHalifax
If Katy wants it that way, then that's the way Katy gets it.-big kahuna
slink
Jul 16, 08 16:32
Post #21 of 25 (663 views)
Re: relationship advice: i woke up my boyfriend, why is it such a big deal? now with update [slink]
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after a semi rude email exchange today, my boyfriend just showed up at my door with a friend (he lives across the street and we pseudo live together), and acted as if nothing happened. we spoke for a minute privately in the kitchen and he was all smiles and when i brought it up he just chuckled and gave me a half assed apology(which to him is a huge apology).
moral of the story: i'll try harder to be quiet and he wont yell about it
Thanks for all the helpful advice!
(This post was
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Khai
Jul 16, 08 17:06
Post #22 of 25 (637 views)
Re: relationship advice: i woke up my boyfriend, why is it such a big deal? now with update [slink]
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moral of the story: i'll try harder to be quiet and he wont yell about it
My offer still stands... :D
<If you're gonna be dumb, you gotta be tough>
Get Fitter!
Proud member of the Smartasscrew, MONSTER CLUB
Get your FIX today?
Local Star
Jul 16, 08 18:19
Post #23 of 25 (595 views)
Re: relationship advice: i woke up my boyfriend, why is it such a big deal? [Khai]
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I'd just like to say that you can wake me up with a
smoothie
anytime
... :D
*well - anytime in the morning. Please don't wake me up at midnight or anything like that when I have to be up at 04:30 for Masters!
Is that what they all it these days?! HAHA :oP
..................................................................................
Silverman 1/2 Distance: November 9th 2008
Swim with drive, Ride with passion, Run with heart...
If you can't do that, don't toe up the start.
lesson989
Jul 16, 08 18:25
Post #24 of 25 (588 views)
Re: relationship advice: i woke up my boyfriend, why is it such a big deal? [trailbait]
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I totally agree with this poster. My husband needs his alone time like right when he gets home from work. Unwinding time. I have a tendancy to talk to him alot right when he first gets home. A couple of times I could tell he was irritated but only because he was alittle short in his response or didn't answer so I'd ask, are you okay? Why are you grumpy? He simply told me that he would like some time to unwind before a whole lot of conversation at the end of the day. So now I give him that...end of problem. I would not appreciate being barked at like that and I really think it can be a red flag for someone who does not know how to handle such situations in a mature way.
If there is a problem a person should be grown up enough to just control their emotions and talk about it. I'd say your boyfriend's emotional intelligence level could use some work.
FabJen
Jul 16, 08 19:40
Post #25 of 25 (561 views)
Re: relationship advice: i woke up my boyfriend, why is it such a big deal? [trackie clm]
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My husband does the same exact thing... so - the thing is I am a morning person, and he is not... so I learned to let him be... even though (as emotional as we are) - we see it a just be nice.. by waking him and getting him something nice.. we are annoying them.. He also mentioned to me that I think "when I am awake - the whole house should be awake" - very true.. so I took up running in the am - on the weekends - by time I get back - the whole house is alive... and we are all more peaceful haha
jen
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