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The Womens
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partner with low sex drive
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TXRunner
Jul 14, 08 11:23
Post #26 of 40 (1159 views)
Re: partner with low sex drive [Large]
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I get grumpy when my boyfriend and i only have sex 3-4 times a week so i can only imagine what you're going through.
Ah, those were the days. Long before kids.
To the OP, I'd add another voice saying that this is indeed a deal-breaker for a long-term relationship. While there is a lot more to a relationship than sex, it is one very important part.
We've got 3 kids, ages 19 down to 9, and 3-4 times per week is pretty normal for us. You just have to make it a priority.
When we got married, the minister told us that most couples fight over families (in-laws), money, and sex. He was right. If you need it more than he does, you have two options:
1. Someone said vibrator. This is only an option if the rest of the relationship is so great that you're willing to overlook the lack of sex. In other words, you just deal with the fact that you're not going to get it as often as you'd like.
2. Cut your losses. I find that sex increases the intimacy between partners, and the lack of it could lead to other problems in the relationship.
Large
Jul 14, 08 14:28
Post #27 of 40 (1100 views)
Re: partner with low sex drive [TXRunner]
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>>We've got 3 kids, ages 19 down to 9, and 3-4 times per week is pretty normal for us. You just have to make it a priority.
Thanks. I've GOT to show this to my wife. She always likes a challenge.
kben102
Jul 15, 08 13:11
Post #28 of 40 (926 views)
Re: partner with low sex drive [Large]
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Update: After extensive discussions, he blames it on stress. I'm not sure where his stress is coming from, but I've come to realize he can only focus on one thing at a time. He has joint custody of his 5 year old and on the four days he has her, she is his entire focus. So, in the past 12 days, we've only seen each other twice and had sex once. The sex was great--it's always great--but I don't think it's enough. I really think his overall drive is just much lower than mine. I have energy from morning until midnight. He goes to bed by 9:00. Last Saturday he ran a 5k race and then had to shoot a wedding in the evening, so Sunday he was wiped out. He didn't want to even get together on Sunday as he needed time to recover. I did a 1/2 IM on Saturday 3 hours away and then was able to still get in a 40 mile ride on Sunday. We are supposed to see each other tomorrow, but I'm barely even looking forward to it. It's a shame too, because we have a lot in common. I just want someone to be totally in to me!
QRgirl
Jul 15, 08 14:07
Post #29 of 40 (902 views)
Re: partner with low sex drive [kben102]
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hmmm, maybe he needs some Geritol. Seriously, it's sounds like he needs something if a 5K and a wedding wipe him out.
It sounds like a sucky situation. Keep your options open in finding someone who
is
into you and will appreciate your healthy libido. Good luck.
bouquek
Jul 15, 08 18:59
Post #30 of 40 (831 views)
Re: partner with low sex drive [kben102]
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Wow! I've been reading your post and you sound pretty awesome. He's a lucky guy but you definitely deserve someone to be really into you.
lesson989
Jul 15, 08 20:11
Post #31 of 40 (813 views)
Re: partner with low sex drive [kben102]
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I'm getting the impression that you really like this guy; that you are really compatible. When I was single, I had a really hard time finding that. This guy really might be worth a little extra effort before you give up. For one thing, the tiredness and lack of sex drive could be a testosterone issue. Could be a bit tricky to suggest it but he probably should have his testosterone levels checked. My husband has both of those issues, if he doesn't get at least 8 hours a night he is absolutely miserable and his sex drive is really really low. He's going to get his testosterone checked next week; was advised to do so by this counselor we've been seeing.
He and I are so compatible and he's such a great guy there is just no way I would give up on him because of a sexual compatiblity issue. I'd just hate to see you give up on something that sounds promising without seeing if there isn't some kind of fix..
JohnG
Jul 16, 08 6:20
Post #32 of 40 (754 views)
Re: partner with low sex drive [kben102]
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I don't know, your last post sounds an awful lot like you've already made up your mind to exit gracefully. My wife and I each have children from a previous mistake..ummm, I mean marriage, and I would drive to the ends of the earth to be with her when we first got together (Now I don't have to, she's right here!). Recover from a 5K and wedding shoot or be with my new love, tough choice...NOT!
Go find some one who appreciates you, fawns all over you, loves you and won't quit until you say "uncle".
j
iswmfly
Jul 16, 08 8:07
Post #33 of 40 (730 views)
Re: partner with low sex drive [kben102]
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I was in a relationship similar to yours for 5 1/2 years. It was very difficult for me but I thought I really loved the guy and that things would change. They never did but got worse instead. By the end, we only had sex maybe every other month, if that. I had become very resentful and knew that that was something important to me (the intimacy). He had a very low sex drive but was unwilling to find out why. You need to do what is best for you.
Are we there yet?
kben102
Jul 16, 08 14:01
Post #34 of 40 (686 views)
Re: partner with low sex drive [iswmfly]
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Thanks guys--It's over. In the end, it was his decision. He said he didn't think he was ready for this type of relationship. I have such mixed feelings. I want so much more than what he was giving, but where do I find that? I'm in a small area, and truthfully, many guys are intimidated by a gal who trains for IM, is educated, career focused, etc. not too mention my 3 lovely daughters!
JohnG
Jul 17, 08 6:33
Post #35 of 40 (609 views)
Re: partner with low sex drive [kben102]
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Well, let's see, my wife trains for tris (not IM), is well educated and career focused and has three lovely daughters. Are you sure we're not married?
We're out there, not intimidated, just waiting for the right moment. Have no mixed feelings, it didn't appear that it was that great to begin with if you came here to ask about it, the doubts were already creeping in.
Move on, Mr. Right is setting up in the next transition area.
Good luck. Are you sure we're not married?
j
QRgirl
Jul 17, 08 7:13
Post #36 of 40 (598 views)
Re: partner with low sex drive [kben102]
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I used to be afraid that I was intimidating to men as well until a good guy friend said "No way! When you meet the right guy he will see everything you bring to the table as a huge asset and will not be intinidated by it." I found a lot of comfort in that and I really think he was right.
140pt6
Jul 17, 08 8:07
Post #37 of 40 (579 views)
Re: partner with low sex drive [QRgirl]
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Guys that are intimidated by women like you are probably ones you don't want to be with anyways....
I'm just sayin'....
__________________________________________________
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kben102
Jul 17, 08 10:30
Post #38 of 40 (528 views)
Re: partner with low sex drive [140pt6]
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I only call myself intimidating because once I signed up for a free trial on match.com and I had some guy actually post and tell me that I was too intimidating! Oh well. I now have more time to focus on IMLou!!!!
Marco in BC
Jul 17, 08 11:16
Post #39 of 40 (517 views)
Re: partner with low sex drive [kben102]
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I only call myself intimidating because once I signed up for a free trial on match.com and I had some guy actually post and tell me that I was too intimidating! Oh well. I now have more time to focus on IMLou!!!!
when it comes to online dating the ratio between quality and non-quality people is not that different from your average bar, if somebody at a bar told you that you were too intimidating would you have given it a second thought?
--
A wise man can learn more from a foolish question than a fool can learn from a wise answer.
Roxy
Jul 19, 08 17:25
Post #40 of 40 (372 views)
Re: partner with low sex drive [kben102]
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i dont know if youve seen my post - but ive been in a 8 year relationship, 5 of those married.
I have been in a dilema as my hubbie has a really low sex drive.
im lucky if i get it once in 3-4 months. lately we've gone longer!
in my opinion i really think if someone came along i would be tempted to have an affair because im not getting the physical satisfaction, which is not good and luckily it hasnt happened.
ive just told him that im moving out which is f*cking scary, looking on the outside we have everything. nice house, great lifestyle lots of holidays but its not enough.
what would you do if you wanted a family?
i guess it just depends how much you want - but they say the less you have the longer you go without it and the more of it you have the more you want it.
at least in your case your partner can always go to the doc and can always take that horny goatweed or something.
in my case its just turned into this massive issue in my head and also cause im not ''in love'' anymore. we are just at the end of the day married but the bestest of mates.
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