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Slowtwitch Forums: The Womens:
how long do i make him wait for....you know

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tri_2b_athlete

Jul 8, 08 15:25

Post #1 of 68 (2829 views)

how long do i make him wait for....you know	Can't Post

For the last couple of months, I've been seeing someone who has been separated for 2 years but has not gotten the divorce. I try not to ask a whole lot of questions, but from what he volunteers I think that he just hasn't been motivated until now. Just recently he's been back in touch with his lawyer and they are trying to figure out settlement stuff. I've actually known him for a very long time...we dated about 16 years ago when we were young and stupid and playing the field and we ended on good terms, but lost touch. Anyway, the sexual tension is getting more and more intense, but I told him that we have to wait until his divorce is final. Someone please please tell me that I don't really have to wait that long! It seemed like the respectable thing to say but now I want to take it back...

Marco in BC

Jul 8, 08 15:54

Post #2 of 68 (2803 views)

Re: how long do i make him wait for....you know [tri_2b_athlete] [In reply to]	Can't Post

do you see any potential in this long term? If so waiting until the divorce has been filed (not necessarily final, but black on white filed) seems like a good thing to do. I don't understand lacking motivation to file, unless the guy is somehow not completely over his ex (which wouldn't be good news at all for you, unless you don't mind ending as the 'rebound' relationship).

--
A wise man can learn more from a foolish question than a fool can learn from a wise answer.

Dmcminn

Jul 8, 08 16:28

Post #3 of 68 (2786 views)

Re: how long do i make him wait for....you know [tri_2b_athlete] [In reply to]	Can't Post

Wait until it's final. Note, however, that might be awhile. I have been a victim of this in that she was separated and had been and essentially wasn't pushing it as well. We did start "the deed" and it just makes it worse because you get closer to the person and want them to be free of the situation. It's like having the 800lb gorilla in the room until it's free and clear.

If this guy likes (loves) you, he'll get it done asap. It's been two freakin' years ... seriously, why wait to finish it. I'll never understand that. If you didn't want to be with the person any longer, why prolong the attachment to them (this assumes there are no kids, etc that might be causing some of these delays).

Just make sure he's not looking to you for the sex and has no intention of following through all the divorce.

jojo

Jul 8, 08 16:56

Post #4 of 68 (2772 views)

Re: how long do i make him wait for....you know [Dmcminn] [In reply to]	Can't Post

FWIW, I agree that you should at least wait until the paperwork is filed. Having said that, my paperwork sat filed, with a "divorce", but no financial settlement for years. Then I ended up having to get the whole thing rushed thru to marry again. Stupid really, but it's just not a fun thing to deal with. Bottom line, you need to find out if he's stalling or just doesn't want to deal with it. If he's stalling, you'll be glad you waited.

QRgirl

Jul 8, 08 17:43

Post #5 of 68 (2750 views)

Re: how long do i make him wait for....you know [tri_2b_athlete] [In reply to]	Can't Post

I"d sleep with him tonight, but maybe I'm just too easy...

AmyCO

Jul 8, 08 18:06

Post #6 of 68 (2729 views)

Re: how long do i make him wait for....you know [QRgirl] [In reply to]	Can't Post

You slut:)

By the way, I love your LOVE thread. Congrats. My story is old and boring, but suffice to say, I knew he was the one after the first date (we're still together almost 20 years later).

QRgirl

Jul 8, 08 18:41

Post #7 of 68 (2707 views)

Re: how long do i make him wait for....you know [AmyCO] [In reply to]	Can't Post

I've always envied you "I knew it on the first date" people.

I've been called worse things than a slut... Well maybe not. ;-) I don't think I've ever even been called a slut before! LOL!

LovePugs

Jul 8, 08 18:44

Post #8 of 68 (2703 views)

Re: how long do i make him wait for....you know [QRgirl] [In reply to]	Can't Post

In Reply To

I"d sleep with him tonight, but maybe I'm just too easy...

You are my hero... ;-)

tri_2b_athlete

Jul 8, 08 19:00

Post #9 of 68 (2695 views)

Re: how long do i make him wait for....you know [Marco in BC] [In reply to]	Can't Post

I haven't really thought too much about "long term". All I know is that I get really excited when he calls and I haven't felt that way in a really long time. We send each other flirty little texts messages all day long and are basically acting like teenagers....I love it! I know that if we dive into the sex part, the giddy stage will soon come to an end and I want to drag this out as long as possible. At the same time, I want him sooooo bad.

tri_2b_athlete

Jul 8, 08 19:01

Post #10 of 68 (2692 views)

Re: how long do i make him wait for....you know [Dmcminn] [In reply to]	Can't Post

In Reply To

I'm pretty sure he's not just in it for the sex. Then again, I've been duped before...

tri_2b_athlete

Jul 8, 08 19:03

Post #11 of 68 (2689 views)

Re: how long do i make him wait for....you know [QRgirl] [In reply to]	Can't Post

In Reply To

I"d sleep with him tonight, but maybe I'm just too easy...

I've taken that route enough times to know how it ends...and it always ends...

QRgirl

Jul 8, 08 19:16

Post #12 of 68 (2681 views)

Re: how long do i make him wait for....you know [tri_2b_athlete] [In reply to]	Can't Post

Yeah, but with some good hot sex before it ends?

Seriously, I admire your ability to wait. It sounds like he's "into" you if he is willing to wait too, and that's a good thing, no it's a great thing. Obviously he wants more than just into your tri shorts. Follow your heart!

squid

Jul 9, 08 8:41

Post #13 of 68 (2505 views)

Re: how long do i make him wait for....you know [QRgirl] [In reply to]	Can't Post

sooooo.... you have dinner plans for tonight? :)

GeechieBoy

Jul 9, 08 11:25

Post #14 of 68 (2396 views)

Re: how long do i make him wait for....you know [tri_2b_athlete] [In reply to]	Can't Post

This womens forum is alot more interesting than the triathlon one! I am sorry I waited so long to look at it.

Katy

Jul 9, 08 13:17

Post #15 of 68 (2336 views)

Re: how long do i make him wait for....you know [QRgirl] [In reply to]	Can't Post

I agree with you 100% on this one. I'm not one for depriving myself.

A couple of weeks ago a teammate/friend and I were trying to come up with a way to get my b/f to do something he said "no" to (a nearly impossible task). She suggested I "hold out" until he agrees. When I told him her suggestion his response was "clearly she does not know the flaw in that plan".
---------------------------------------
http://web.mac.com/kjossy
Awww, Katy's not all THAT evil. Only slightly evil. In a good way. - JasoninHalifax
If Katy wants it that way, then that's the way Katy gets it.-big kahuna

trailbait

Jul 9, 08 13:36

Post #16 of 68 (2320 views)

Re: how long do i make him wait for....you know [tri_2b_athlete] [In reply to]	Can't Post

Life is short--play hard! As I get older, the less I want to wait for things to happen. Get on with it and enjoy it. If I could take back those years I wasted with the wrong men... wasted youth! Find out if he's the one and get on with it.

Erika
http://tribabe.com
http://teamxantusia.blogspot.com/

trackie clm

Jul 9, 08 17:39

Post #17 of 68 (2240 views)

Re: how long do i make him wait for....you know [Katy] [In reply to]	Can't Post

In Reply To

I agree with you 100% on this one. I'm not one for depriving myself.

I knew I liked you two girls. Erika too.

Does it change the timeline if you don't live near each other and therefore spend a lot of time on the phone between face-to-face dates?

Waiting here will be over Friday night. ;-)

clm

http://ironclm.typepad.com

Katy

Jul 9, 08 17:45

Post #18 of 68 (2235 views)

Re: how long do i make him wait for....you know [trackie clm] [In reply to]	Can't Post

Does it change the timeline if you don't live near each other and therefore spend a lot of time on the phone between face-to-face dates?

Um, get it when you can? Waiting here has just begun. Stupid Death Ride.
---------------------------------------
http://web.mac.com/kjossy
Awww, Katy's not all THAT evil. Only slightly evil. In a good way. - JasoninHalifax
If Katy wants it that way, then that's the way Katy gets it.-big kahuna

kitboo

Jul 9, 08 18:31

Post #19 of 68 (2220 views)

Re: how long do i make him wait for....you know [tri_2b_athlete] [In reply to]	Can't Post

When my fiance and I were first courting, I promised myself that I wouldn't put out until the 12th date. Well, the sexual tension was so high during the first date (>2 years ago) that that plan went out the window along with our clothes. Yep, I'm a card carrying member of the Gettin'-It-On-On-the-First-Date Club.
If you want to have sex with him, then do it. If you think that sleeping with him will put you in an emotionally vulnerable place, then I would assess the risks/benefits of the situation. It's not the 1950's anymore and anyone who thinks that you're not a "proper lady" for do it is delusional.

tri_2b_athlete

Jul 9, 08 18:48

Post #20 of 68 (2211 views)

Re: how long do i make him wait for....you know [kitboo] [In reply to]	Can't Post

It's not that I'm worried about not being a proper lady, and trust me, I'm a card carrying member of that club! I do get emotionally attached though and I think it might be too early for that.

trackie clm

Jul 9, 08 19:08

Post #21 of 68 (2199 views)

Re: how long do i make him wait for....you know [Katy] [In reply to]	Can't Post

HAHAHA

SF - Fremont is still closer than SF - Turlock/Lodi/San Jose!

Forget about gettin' it. I told him tonight he could take my truck to Seattle. THAT made my heart beat faster!!

clm

http://ironclm.typepad.com

QRgirl

Jul 9, 08 22:14

Post #22 of 68 (2142 views)

Re: how long do i make him wait for....you know [kitboo] [In reply to]	Can't Post

The trick to holding out (not that I am an expert) is the ratty underwear, don't shave trick. Not that most guys would even care if they noticed...

jenhs

Jul 9, 08 22:55

Post #23 of 68 (2138 views)

Re: how long do i make him wait for....you know [tri_2b_athlete] [In reply to]	Can't Post

If you just want to have hot sex, go for it!

If you want it to be a symbol of how he feels about you and the future of the relationship, wait until the divorce goes through.
----------------
Ultraman Canada Relay 2009!
(I got suckered into the run leg)

Jenhs

140pt6

Jul 10, 08 9:04

Post #24 of 68 (2084 views)

Re: how long do i make him wait for....you know [QRgirl] [In reply to]	Can't Post

That's the trick to holding out?? I just thought that was the last card played before caving in!

__________________________________________________
__________________________________________________

Breakfast is for Closers

tri_2b_athlete

Jul 10, 08 15:18

Post #25 of 68 (1992 views)

Re: how long do i make him wait for....you know [jenhs] [In reply to]	Can't Post

In Reply To

If you just want to have hot sex, go for it!

If you want it to be a symbol of how he feels about you and the future of the relationship, wait until the divorce goes through.

I want both!!!! But I have decided to go with my first instinct and wait. Thank you everyone for responding so much to my thread! There are some posts on here I can come back and read every time I have a weak moment. I'm starting to get attached to some of you people and I don't even know who you are.

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