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Slowtwitch Forums: The Womens:
Watching Dad die...

SallyShortyPnts

Jul 13, 08 13:26

Post #1 of 24 (1667 views)

Watching Dad die...	Can't Post

I'm at peace enough, thanks in part to your wonderful posts, to address what originally was bothering me. My beloved father is dying of bone-marrow cancer (soon to be leukemia).

Taking him to the Mayo Clinic has perhaps bought a few months of time, but in the end, age trumps technology in this final race.

The angry urgency of whizzing disc wheels spinning past me is a reminder that time stops for nobody. Now I have to train...because I can. Thank you all again for taking time to read and write.

(This post was edited by SallyShortyPnts on Jul 20, 08 8:33)

DawnT

Jul 13, 08 16:17

Post #2 of 24 (1635 views)

Re: Feeling Old... [SallyShortyPnts] [In reply to]	Can't Post

It's easier said than done, but you really, really have to forget about what everyone else is doing and concentrate on your own race. Set up a time goal for yourself and forget about how you place within your age group. You can't control who shows up or how fast they are. You can only control yourself, your own training and your own race. If you meet your own race goals then how can you not be happy with yourself?

Griffen_Gal

Jul 13, 08 16:41

Post #3 of 24 (1620 views)

Re: Feeling Old... [DawnT] I know!! [In reply to]	Can't Post

Oh I know this feeling. This has came on for me the past 3-4 years (I am 43 years old). I use to be able to pass people and at least make some gains during the race. Not so much now though. I recently changed up my training, nutrition and really started to focus on myself at races instead of that I am being passed, etc. I am finally starting to get some speed back. Plus, think about how many other women your (our) ages are doing triathlons...not very many! It is a lifestyle and you have to embrace the race experience and determine why you are training/racing.
Can you hear me now?

TriToy

Jul 13, 08 17:10

Post #4 of 24 (1605 views)

Re: Feeling Old... [SallyShortyPnts] [In reply to]	Can't Post

start the sport when you are 45 (racing as 46)
then you don't know any differently!

I seem to be getting slower each race....but I am having fun!
---

cat formerly CatIsTriing
Sponsored by Suntheanine, Lycored and Celadrin really I am sponsored - not a joke!
Well-Behaved Women Seldom Make History --Laurel Thatcher Ulrich

kittycat

Jul 13, 08 17:32

Post #5 of 24 (1593 views)

Re: Feeling Old... [SallyShortyPnts] [In reply to]	Can't Post

i was on the rowing team in college and the second fastest woman, despite being just 5'4.5 (the first fastest woman went on to be a 2 time olypmian; i was not tall enough to compete at that level). i used to have a huge hangup over being "so short". and my cox told me to "keep my eyes and head in the boat", so i didn't think about anything or anyone else, or obsess that i was "so short" (which would have no doubt psyched me out). focusing on just me was a great strategy.

so i say the same to you. keep your thoughts on yourself and don't worry about anyone else. there is always someone faster, stronger, better, etc. comparing yourself to everyone else is a trap, it leads to nowhere.

the reality is that most women your age are not even remotely capable of doing something like tri. honestly, you have much to be proud and happy about. hell, i'm younger than you and i'm sure you would beat my ass. it's really just totally relative.

be happy with yourself. be proud, cherish and enjoy it. after all, being out there is one hell of a great ride.

(This post was edited by kittycat on Jul 14, 08 6:33)

SallyShortyPnts

Jul 14, 08 9:09

Post #6 of 24 (1479 views)

Re: Feeling Old... [DawnT] I know!! [Griffen_Gal] [In reply to]	Can't Post

In Reply To

I am training/racing to stave off old age. The reality is that it comes anyway. My only hope is to slow the aging process down a little. Last night, I took my eighty-something y.o. parents to a film called "Young At Heart", where people are living full lives until they die.

Watching my father succumb to cancer is what motivated this thread. I see life slip away from him as his weight drops and know there is nothing I can do to stop the disease from ravaging his body.

SallyShortyPnts

Jul 14, 08 9:22

Post #7 of 24 (1473 views)

Re: Feeling Old... [kittycat] [In reply to]	Can't Post

In Reply To

Second fastest to second fastest...my similar situation was at the pool. My teammate shot up to nearly 6' tall while I stood on the starting block at 5'2". The starter looked at us and said "the best things come in small packages". 35 years later, I still remember that day.

Being smaller than everyone else is supposedly helpful by the time I run. I just don't quite have that Kenyan speed!

Kittycat, thank you for sharing your vertically-challenged experience!

Dan Os Fan

Jul 14, 08 20:41

Post #8 of 24 (1391 views)

Re: Feeling Old... [SallyShortyPnts] [In reply to]	Can't Post

I am sorry to hear about your father's battle with cancer, that is a terrible thing to have to deal with.

I saw Young At Heart and enjoyed it immensely, even with the sad ending.

The only thing that I can add is that life is always slipping away, so do what you enjoy doing. I will be 45 Wednesday and yesterday I did an Oly in just over 3 hours, finished last in my AG and near last among the men. Yet I had fun doing something that should help me live a longer and healthier life. You will never beat the clock, there will always be somebody faster, richer, prettier, luckier or whatever better, so you better be comfortable with yourself the way you are and enjoy the time you have. If you enjoy training and racing then keep doing it.

SallyShortyPnts

Jul 14, 08 21:42

Post #9 of 24 (1382 views)

Re: Feeling Old... [Dan Os Fan] [In reply to]	Can't Post

Thank you for the kind words. I really should have named the post "Watching Dad Die", but typing that title was too upsetting after watching the movie.

Being passed in triathlon is only a metaphor for the bigger picture of feeling helpless. Someone I love is withering away (weight is ~135, down from almost 200 lbs) despite excellent medical care.

Thank you again...I know that reality is 'we are born, we live, then we die.' It's the pain of those left behind that I'm addressing.

tri_2b_athlete

Jul 15, 08 8:07

Post #10 of 24 (1346 views)

Re: Feeling Old... [SallyShortyPnts] [In reply to]	Can't Post

Most of my friends are out of shape and not in the triathlon scene. They are always so impressed with what I do and how I stay in shape. If you (very secretly) compare yourself to those people, and not the little boys with their fancy wheels (those disks sure are loud when they whiz by you) it might remind you of how much you really are accomplishing.

trackie clm

Jul 15, 08 8:11

Post #11 of 24 (1344 views)

Re: Feeling Old... [SallyShortyPnts] [In reply to]	Can't Post

Sorry to hear about your dad. But you can spend time with him now, and that's the important thing. Cherish every visit. My mom passed away unexpectedly after surgery in 2006 and I wasn't there. I still miss her every day.

And oh the other subject.....start hanging out with a younger man. ;-)
Works for me!

clm

http://ironclm.typepad.com

JBR

Jul 15, 08 8:52

Post #12 of 24 (1322 views)

Re: Feeling Old... [SallyShortyPnts] [In reply to]	Can't Post

Well, just enter any event I'm in and you can count on having one person to pass ;)

SallyShortyPnts

Jul 15, 08 22:44

Post #13 of 24 (1260 views)

Re: Feeling Old... [trackie clm] [In reply to]	Can't Post

In Reply To

Thanks for writing...now I see him daily, if only to relieve stress on Mom.

What a good idea; I have one in mind and the thought does cheer me up!

(This post was edited by SallyShortyPnts on Jul 15, 08 22:48)

kben102

Jul 17, 08 10:39

Post #14 of 24 (1173 views)

Re: Feeling Old... [SallyShortyPnts] [In reply to]	Can't Post

My dad battled and won against colon cancer 3 years ago. Before his diagnosis, we finished 10 marathons in a row together. He had to have a complete colostomy which was a big adjustment for him followed by 15 months of chemo and radiation. He lost 70 lbs and was close to also getting a feeding tube as the chemo left him too sick or w/o saliva to eat. It was the most horrible experience and from that I decided to live my love 100 % every single day. It ws from that I decided to do my first IM. During my race last year, I had 6 miles to go on the run and was just beginning to get emotional as I reflected on all this. I looked up and there was my dad, in his street clothes, ready to run beside me. It was so illegal, but also dark and I didn't care. That was the most memorable and special part of my day. I will always have that with him.

Anyway, my thoughts are with you!

lesson989

Jul 17, 08 19:52

Post #15 of 24 (1114 views)

Re: Feeling Old... [SallyShortyPnts] [In reply to]	Can't Post

Remember, the fun part is the training and racing. Training because it keeps you sane and racing to give your training purpose!

I'm really sorry to hear about your dad. Have you heard of Leroy Sievers? He is a journalist who started a blog two years ago when diagnosed with colon cancer. It has grown into a community of cancer victims and caretakers who really offer each other some great support. Yesterday's post was from his wife, Laurie, I'm guessing you can really empathize with how she's feeling:

July 14, 2008 Wishing Things Were Different
We've been living with cancer for a long time now, but that doesn't mean we're comfortable with it.
There are those days when we wish with all our hearts that things were different. That things could be the way they were.
This was one of those days for Laurie.

I want him back.

I want to hear that big, deep, laugh again.

I want to hear him planning for a trip to some God-forsaken region and actually being excited about going.

I want to see him jet-skiing to a Maui sunset with a look on his face
like he's found the perfect place.

I want to see him snoozing on the couch on a Saturday afternoon.

I want to be with him, step by step, hurrying to a Broadway performance of Savion Glover, and wishing that just once, he could tap like that.

I want to see him in one of his favorite Hawaiian shirts, sitting outside, laughing, and sharing a good time eating Mexican food.

I want to walk with him and our good friend Ted on the C&O Canal and gossip and talk headlines and sports.

I want to look at him and laugh and love the costume he's created for the annual "best story of the year" Halloween party.

I want to see him sitting on the lanai, after a day at the pool in Maui, sipping an ice cold Mai Tai, watching the golfers below cheat when they thought no one was looking. (We were.)

I want him to enjoy that life again.

I want him back.

kittycat

Jul 18, 08 6:38

Post #16 of 24 (1063 views)

Re: Feeling Old... [SallyShortyPnts] [In reply to]	Can't Post

oh, and sorry to read about your Dad. i know exactly what that is like. the journey you're on is so hard. i was on that journey with my own father about 7 years ago and i still cry, but not as often and for a much shorter time.

maybe the perspective in tri should just totally be "your time" where you can breath and relax your mind and spirit. who cares about the others, this is for you!

sorry about your Dad...i wish i could hug you.

kitty

Dbeitel

Jul 18, 08 15:36

Post #17 of 24 (1021 views)

Re: Feeling Old... [SallyShortyPnts] [In reply to]	Can't Post

SallyShortyPnts:

I hope that a guy can jump in here and post another perspective. I too have lost my father to cancer, it was 21 years ago. The fond memories have not faded from our times together. Cherish them now, and file them where they will not go away. I did, and have since moved on to where I am now: At 50 I have two small children, 3 years and 5 months ( I started late..was having too much fun !!)

I still race, and am a solid MOP in the Colorado Races, while I'm not as fast as the younger folks, I still have good times compared to what I have been doing the last several years. Triathlon has kept me fit, and now has saved my life - I discovered a bladder tumor last summer, and because I had an active live style, caught it early enough.

My point is that keeping an active lifestyle is important, and more important as we get older.

I Continue to race, Because I can.

DB

SallyShortyPnts

Jul 18, 08 21:05

Post #18 of 24 (992 views)

Re: Feeling Old... [lesson989] [In reply to]	Can't Post

That post touched me deeply. Thank you for bringing that to my attention.

Dad served in Hawaii as a Marine during WWII. Part of the reason I was initially attracted to IM-length triathlon was for Dad to see me cross the finish line in Kona. I would be running in honor of his service to our country.

Now I will very likely be running in his memory, even if it takes me until the 70-74 age group to do it.

minniepearl

Jul 19, 08 7:08

Post #19 of 24 (973 views)

Re: Feeling Old... [SallyShortyPnts] [In reply to]	Can't Post

Hi there

I totally relate to your story here -- I am also a more "seasoned" :-) athlete (W45-49, in my 3rd season w/no real athletic background). I know all those feelings about younger people seemingly whizzing by. But my thing with that may be a little different, I'm so happy to be doing it and moving from BOP to MOP, as I have in the past 3 years, I don't completely mind. Well, only a little. It helps to remind myself that few people our age start or even do this!

Also, more importantly, my 75-year old father passed away from leukemia early this winter.

Your somehow relating your tri training and your dad makes perfect sense to me! Did I say that right? I don't know if doing tri is the fountain of youth but it sure helps keep one young at heart and that's an important thing to do when one sees a loved one getting less and less "young."

My dad had a great amazing attitude even as he got sicker and sicker. He was pretty weak at the end but still went up and down the stairs in his & my mom's house. One day as I was helping him walk down the stairs he couldn't make his legs move the way they should have - so he stopped for a second - and started laughing. If it were me I might have started cursing! Or crying!

I sometimes think of him if I'm in the middle of a really hard workout or interval and it helps me get through it. He was amazingly proud of my triathlon pursuits (as I bet yours is too!) and that also encourages me to keep going.

Also remember this, how lucky you are to have a father you love who loves you and has been in your life. I know others have said that too but it's really important to remember. I also think of that, it all is still sad but that makes it a little more bittersweet and less just bitter.

I imagine I wrote this more for myself than for anything else - as I am feeling kinda pissy today b/c I had to pull out of a race tomorrow due to a temporarily wonky knee. Reminding myself that this is REALLY temporary. Both the knee and life in general. Which is a good reason to enjoy it while it's here and do the best/most we can.

Tomorrow I'm going to spectate at the race I can't do, cheer my head off, be grateful and thankful I am healthy enough to do this all (well :-) not right this minute but generally) and also that I had a father who loved me so much and who I loved.

Whew this got long but okay, it is what it is. Keep swimming/biking/running/appreciating!
Mindy

SallyShortyPnts

Jul 20, 08 8:46

Post #20 of 24 (918 views)

Re: Feeling Old... [minniepearl] [In reply to]	Can't Post

In Reply To

I imagine I wrote this more for myself than for anything else - as I am feeling kinda pissy today b/c I had to pull out of a race tomorrow due to a temporarily wonky knee. Reminding myself that this is REALLY temporary. Both the knee and life in general. Which is a good reason to enjoy it while it's here and do the best/most we can.

Tomorrow I'm going to spectate at the race I can't do, cheer my head off, be grateful and thankful I am healthy enough to do this all (well :-) not right this minute but generally) and also that I had a father who loved me so much and who I loved.

Whew this got long but okay, it is what it is. Keep swimming/biking/running/appreciating!
Mindy

Gazelle

Jul 20, 08 10:30

Post #21 of 24 (884 views)

Re: Watching Dad die... [SallyShortyPnts] [In reply to]	Can't Post

I'm so sorry to hear about your dad. My thoughts and sympathies are with you.....
--------------------

http://thethighmasterroutetokona.blogspot.com/

http://www.bschoolessays.com/

Khai

Jul 20, 08 13:05

Post #22 of 24 (838 views)

Re: Watching Dad die... [SallyShortyPnts] [In reply to]	Can't Post

Wow. I'm really sorry to hear about this. I didn't respond to the original thread because I figured that a 31 year old bitching about getting old would really irritate some of the more seasoned vets... :p

Hopefully you can use these last few months to spend as much time as possible with your dad.

<If you're gonna be dumb, you gotta be tough>
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Proud member of the Smartasscrew, MONSTER CLUB
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tree hugger

Jul 23, 08 11:58

Post #23 of 24 (531 views)

Re: Watching Dad die... [Khai] [In reply to]	Can't Post

I lost my Mom last year. She had COPD and got this weird mold infection which was initially diagnosed as pneumonia. The drugs killed her pancreas, she became diabetic and died at less than 50 lbs. I told me boss to try to hold my job, had friends watch my dogs, and headed west to be with her. I figured I could get another job, but each minute with my Mom was precious. I don't regret any of the time that I didnt spend training, any of the time away from work. I regret that I didn't go sooner.

After she died, I had hip surgery and then spent the time rehabbing and coming back. People kicked my butt all year last year. I don't regret that, either. This year, I'm stronger than ever, and really happy about the choices I made. I'm 43, and yeah, some young kids beat me, but not many, but I tend to judge me, by me.

I'm sorry about your Dad. Spend as much time as you can together!

fefe

Jul 24, 08 14:51

Post #24 of 24 (434 views)

Re: Watching Dad die... [SallyShortyPnts] [In reply to]	Can't Post

I suppose I'm a bit luckier in you in that my parents didn't wither away slowly as is happening to your Dad. But it hurt just the same.

In 2006 I lost my Mom and a month later I did IM Brazil. I was lucky to also be sick during the race, otherwise I don't think I would have finished because all I would have been thinking about was Mom. But in the month before she died, she had a couple of the best weeks she'd had in YEARS, and that's how I remember her now.

Last November I lost my Dad, and I just did IMLP this past Sunday. Even though it's been 8 months since he passed, I was really close to him, and he ended up dying of kidney failure caused by liver cancer. I took some of his ashes with me during IMLP, and left some of them on Whiteface Mountain (or at least the climb we do right next to it) and in the transition area. Even though I had (for me) a rather poor race, I finished, and Dad got to finish with me. Once again, I got lucky in that I was so miserable from the rain (just not my thing) that I focused on that rather than thinking how sad I still am. All I could think of is that Dad would not want me to quit, so I kept going.

If I've learned one thing from witnessing my parents die it's that life is meant to be lived. And if by living it means I knock myself senseless in training to sometimes win or nearly win my AG (I'm 51) and other times to have a crappy race, then, hey, at least I'm living. Whatever it is for you, I think you have to find a way to live the hell out of life. And then when you go, it's no regrets. Sometimes that means staying by the side of a loved one when you'd rather be doing something else. Sometimes that means being honest with your emotions and letting them get the best of you. But as long as you're healthy enough to do other things that give you pleasure, just do them even if at times they don't feel as good as you'd like.

Losing someone you love sucks whether it's quick or slow. Either way, life goes on and I'm sure your Dad would wish for you to keep training, keep going. He must be incredibly strong to hang on to life and you should draw strength from that. My Dad made the decision to stop his own treatments, and that's where I really saw his strength, and he appeared to be at peace when he passed. If I can be strong in my daily life, I can only hope I inherited some of his strength when it's my time to go. LIVE HARD, DIE WELL!