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For the guys

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PirateGirl

Jul 10, 08 2:30

Post #1 of 26 (1648 views)

For the guys	Can't Post

Since there are some guys who post here...

Say you're a guy (which you are) and you are dating a great chick. You've been dating just over a month and everything is going well. And she tells you that kissing you feels like kissing a fish.

How would you react? Or how would you prefer to be told?

Yeah, I'm trying to get past the not the best kisser in the world problem or trying to find a way to bring it up :-) I dumped a guy in college because I didn't like how he kissed. I guess I'm a little more grown up now so I'm willing to work through the problem.

What Am I Up To? Pirate

Steve-oH!

Jul 10, 08 4:54

Post #2 of 26 (1621 views)

Re: For the guys [GhiaGirl] [In reply to]	Can't Post

say "you know what really gets to me?....when you kiss me like this....(kiss and show)"

when he does it that way say "fuck yeah!...that is hot...."

assert the positive....

this goes for anything else in the bedroom area....

I know that being a good kisser is very important to women but I will also say that each women have very different needs and wants in the bedroom area...a guy that is good will be paying attention to body language and other signs of response when they are in the bedroom so they dont have to ask "what do you like"...but I assume not every guy will do this....

when they ae not getting it, or are in the wrong spot doing the wrong thing with the wrong pressure.....the above approach can help....

IKnowEverything

Jul 10, 08 5:45

Post #3 of 26 (1598 views)

Re: For the guys [Steve-oH!] [In reply to]	Can't Post

In Reply To

+1. As a guy, I don't think there's anything else I can add, other than to ensure you don't do anything to bruise his ego. I know it sounds silly, but our egos are often all we have; and besides, if you have him thinking he's not good at it, his overall performance will suffer; and I know that's not something you want!!

matti58

Jul 10, 08 6:16

Post #4 of 26 (1582 views)

Re: For the guys [GhiaGirl] [In reply to]	Can't Post

Are either of your "naturally" humorous? I mean, are you both always making jokes, being sarcastic, etc? I'm like that so if my girlfriend simply said something like, "who the hell taught you to kiss?" and then proceeded to show me the better way, I'd get a complete kick out of it. I don't have much of an ego though, so it's just about impossible to bruise it :)

JBR

Jul 10, 08 7:31

Post #5 of 26 (1552 views)

Re: For the guys [GhiaGirl] [In reply to]	Can't Post

As a guy I always responded rather positively to "I like that" and "Hey, let's practice a little and get it right". But that applies to the whole spectrum of the relationship :)

Marco in BC

Jul 10, 08 8:00

Post #6 of 26 (1532 views)

Re: For the guys [GhiaGirl] [In reply to]	Can't Post

I would definitely take it as a 'let's try and see how we can make this better for both of us' kind of thing... although as others have said a more positive approach might be a lot better: if you were in the middle of doing something for him and he came up and said something along the same lines I am not sure you'd take it in a joking way, it'd probably hurt your feelings.

I am also thinking that unless you are one of his first 1-2 relationships it might not necessarily be that he doesn't know how to kiss, but that he likes different kinds of kissing that you do, and he hasn't yet figured out that you possibly prefer other types. There is quite a spectrum of kissing types and what feels bad for one is exactly what another likes: from my experience gals are always the picky ones when it comes to kissing having to be 'just so' if you allow me a generalization here, I wonder why.

--
A wise man can learn more from a foolish question than a fool can learn from a wise answer.

(This post was edited by Marco in BC on Jul 10, 08 8:01)

140pt6

Jul 10, 08 8:40

Post #7 of 26 (1499 views)

Re: For the guys [GhiaGirl] [In reply to]	Can't Post

Like a fish might be a lil harsh. Little subtle hints are a good way to guide things along. If he's smart, he'll catch on.

Regardless, I feel for you. Even from the guy's point of view, if you can't kiss well, odds are other things aren't as good as you'd like them to be as well.

Be gentle, we have fragile egos ya know!!! ;-)

__________________________________________________
__________________________________________________

Breakfast is for Closers

Matt B

Jul 10, 08 9:39

Post #8 of 26 (1454 views)

Re: For the guys [GhiaGirl] [In reply to]	Can't Post

I could easily see the conversation going something like this:

You: "Honey, you kiss like a fish."
Him: "That's funny, your sister loves it when I kiss her this way."

If this kind of dialog works for you, great. Otherwise I second what everyone else has said. If you're in control of the situation (and since you're female, you are), then you should be able to guide him to do whatever you want. Positive reinforcement will work every time.

"Yeah, I like Texas. Ain't it fine here?" Pat Green

Locke

Jul 10, 08 13:44

Post #9 of 26 (1343 views)

Re: For the guys [GhiaGirl] [In reply to]	Can't Post

First, yeah I would want to know that you were not happy about the way you were being kissed. But I wouldn't necessarily like being told that I kissed like a fish.

If you frame it wish something like "This is the way I like to be kissed and when I get kissed this way, I get really hot and willing to do extra nasty things", your guy will never even realize that you don't like the way he is currently kissing you. He will most likely be so eager to comply with your request, that he won't give it a second thought.

Remember, most men are very simple creatures. We want food, shelter, sex and entertainment. And sometimes we need alot of guidance.

"My only words of wisdom are just, radio edit" - Kid Rock

tri_2b_athlete

Jul 10, 08 15:29

Post #10 of 26 (1289 views)

Re: For the guys [140pt6] [In reply to]	Can't Post

In Reply To

if you can't kiss well, odds are other things aren't as good as you'd like them to be as well.

I'm not so sure about this. In my last relationship, he had this kind of "tonsil hockey" kissing style which I hated. However, that quick tongue action came in quite handy in other areas ;)

Khai

Jul 10, 08 22:13

Post #11 of 26 (1200 views)

Re: For the guys [GhiaGirl] [In reply to]	Can't Post

This isn't him, is it? http://www.craigslist.org/...t/atl/744997359.html

<If you're gonna be dumb, you gotta be tough>
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tri_2b_athlete

Jul 11, 08 6:15

Post #12 of 26 (1159 views)

Re: For the guys [Khai] [In reply to]	Can't Post

lol! Yeah right! Ex-boyfriend thinks he's Don Juan.

fitzie

Jul 11, 08 6:21

Post #13 of 26 (1157 views)

Re: For the guys [GhiaGirl] [In reply to]	Can't Post

If you like the guy enough otherwise, I say take a chance on helping him become a better kisser. I have never tried it myself but it's worth a shot. Same goes for any other "activity" he may need some coaching.
The mens want to please us, they really do :)

"We thought that we had the answers, it was the questions we had wrong."
Bono

(This post was edited by fitzie on Jul 11, 08 6:23)

JohnG

Jul 11, 08 6:57

Post #14 of 26 (1141 views)

Re: For the guys [tri_2b_athlete] [In reply to]	Can't Post

All ex-boyfriends (and husbands) thought we were Don Juan (HHUANN!!! must say it with a flourish!), it's in a guys nature. Best lover, best driver EVAR! "She doesn't know what she let go or what she's missing!"
j

tri_2b_athlete

Jul 11, 08 7:02

Post #15 of 26 (1138 views)

Re: For the guys [JohnG] [In reply to]	Can't Post

When I picture some of my exes feeling that way it's laugh out loud hilarious!

I'm sure you really are though.

JohnG

Jul 11, 08 7:06

Post #16 of 26 (1130 views)

Re: For the guys [tri_2b_athlete] [In reply to]	Can't Post

Of course I am. But maybe you can help me...Why is she always saying something about a magnifying glass???? Am I missing something??
j

Hid

Jul 11, 08 7:06

Post #17 of 26 (1130 views)

Re: For the guys [tri_2b_athlete] [In reply to]	Can't Post

In Reply To

if you can't kiss well, odds are other things aren't as good as you'd like them to be as well.

I'm not so sure about this. In my last relationship, he had this kind of "tonsil hockey" kissing style which I hated. However, that quick tongue action came in quite handy in other areas ;)

Can I please put that in my signature?

"it's like information without the facts." - Mr. Tibbs

"it's not posted to a triathlon forum, but to a lifestyle forum that happens to be inhabited by triathletes. all kinds of stuff gets posted here, and i'm grateful that it does. - Dan Empfield aka Slowman
http://forum.slowtwitch.com/...0what%20to%20;#65849

do140.6

Jul 11, 08 7:07

Post #18 of 26 (1130 views)

Re: For the guys [GhiaGirl] [In reply to]	Can't Post

OK take it from a girl who has been there. I met my future husband when he was 27, I was 22. He had never had a girlfriend, kissed anyone, etc..I thought it was very sweet and enjoyed (still do) knowing I'm the only one to have those experiences with him. Anyway he kissed horribly when we first started dating. I just let it go for a few make out sessions and pretty soon he responded to how I kissed him. If that doesn't work follow the guys advice and gently show him how you want to be kissed. Believe me they aren't kidding when they say guys have a fragile ego. I'm constantly watching my step and not joking about bad performances in the bedroom (that causes tremendous relationship strain that's not needed). Also see how he responds to learning/trying new things to please you. If it's negative, be very wary b/c that's pretty selfish and can translate to other areas of the relationship. I think 99% of men are very open to doing everything they can to please their woman. Hope this helps, I know after 6 years of marriage and three kids later, we've both learned exactly how it works.

------------------------------------------------------------
I have failed at many things, but never in my desire to try again.

nutty

Jul 11, 08 7:21

Post #19 of 26 (1122 views)

Re: For the guys [GhiaGirl] [In reply to]	Can't Post

It could be he just likes to kiss that way. My husband and I both have very different styles of kissing. He told me he likes to be kissed this way and showed me. His way of kissing completely gags me. He likes very deep passionate kisses, I don't. So we negotiate. When I want to get him in the mood, I will give him a very deep passionate kiss- it has taken several years of practice to get this right and if I'm not in the right mood it still gags me. When I just want to play around I give him a playful kiss (which is what I like). After ten years we can both tell what the other one wants by the kiss.

JSA

Jul 11, 08 7:34

Post #20 of 26 (1109 views)

Re: For the guys [GhiaGirl] [In reply to]	Can't Post

As a guy, I would want to know if my significant other did not enjoy my kissing. That said, I have to admit, at first, it would hurt my fragile male ego (seriously). That said, if you really think there may be a future here (not talking marriage per se, but, a longer relationship) you need to address it.

I concur with the suggestion that you go in with "Honey, you know what I REALLY like? When you kiss me like this..." Unless he is as dense as most of us males are, he should get it.

GhiaGirl you are far to attractive (and from what I have read on ST and your blog seem to really kinda be the "total package") to settle for a poor smoocher. I sure would not want to lose someone I really liked over something like my poor kissing. I am sure your significant other would feel the same way. Good luck.

_______________________________________________

"My better is better than your better." - LT, via Nike

The people who keep me moving:

TRANSITION - Get Moving!

tri_2b_athlete

Jul 11, 08 10:36

Post #21 of 26 (1038 views)

Re: For the guys [Hid] [In reply to]	Can't Post

In Reply To

if you can't kiss well, odds are other things aren't as good as you'd like them to be as well.

I'm not so sure about this. In my last relationship, he had this kind of "tonsil hockey" kissing style which I hated. However, that quick tongue action came in quite handy in other areas ;)

Can I please put that in my signature?

LOL!!! It doesn't seem to go with your other "triathlon" quotes, but go for it.

Balanced Living

Jul 12, 08 5:54

Post #22 of 26 (868 views)

Re: For the guys [tri_2b_athlete] [In reply to]	Can't Post

If you don't mind sharing a little, recruit your friends, or strangers at a bar, and get the rest of the woman out there to help you, your boy friend gets 5 min of tutoring per woman, and it must be for teaching purposes. It's a win-win situation becuse people never learn as well when being taught by someone they know, and your man is a little more motivated to learn! :)
Try you both may like it!

QRgirl

Jul 12, 08 7:03

Post #23 of 26 (852 views)

Re: For the guys [GhiaGirl] [In reply to]	Can't Post

So have you given your man any lessons yet?

Katy

Jul 12, 08 21:33

Post #24 of 26 (702 views)

Re: For the guys [GhiaGirl] [In reply to]	Can't Post

Maybe he could place an ad on craigslist:

http://www.craigslist.org/...t/atl/744997359.html
---------------------------------------
http://web.mac.com/kjossy
Awww, Katy's not all THAT evil. Only slightly evil. In a good way. - JasoninHalifax
If Katy wants it that way, then that's the way Katy gets it.-big kahuna

avatar78

Jul 13, 08 7:10

Post #25 of 26 (664 views)

Re: For the guys [Katy] [In reply to]	Can't Post

And the big question...how did you find out what kissing a fish is like? ;)

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