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Just ranting, feel free to ignore
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Fatmouse
Aug 11, 08 9:01
Post #1 of 32 (442 views)
Just ranting, feel free to ignore
Can't Post
So I'm on a group ride the other day. During the warm up, folks are chatting and getting to know each other. This one guy and I are side by side and talk a little. For some reason he decides to share his personal life rather than the normal job-kids-work stuff. Anyway, he starts telling me about his current marriage and how that's not working out, but that he met this cute little thing he really likes. He goes on to explain that he's in his early forties and this new girl is mid-twenties. He wants to dump his wife and marry this new girl.
First, I'm wondering why you would tell this stuff to a stranger, but then realized it was probably safer to tell me than people he knows. Maybe he's bragging about being a stud and bagging a younger woman.
Anyway, my first impression is that he seemed kind of like a scumbag, cheating on his wife with a woman who is young enough to be his daughter. I was kind of aghast at the whole idea and didn't want to appear judgemental, even though that's how I felt about it. I kind of mumbled a few things and tried to move the conversation to a safer level, so he moved off onto another wheel.
Oddly enough this conversation has stuck with me. Should I have called him out on being a scumbag? Congratulated him on bagging the young woman? I guess as I get older I'll start to run into this more and more often.
Oh well.
_____________________________________
"Also, of course the United States can't do everything. It does not follow that we should do nothing." AF
parkito
Aug 11, 08 9:07
Post #2 of 32 (423 views)
Re: Just ranting, feel free to ignore [Fatmouse]
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Personally, I think I would have found a restroom and washed my hands. Otherwise, I'd probably have done what you did, changed subjects or moved away from him (more likely the second).
Behold the turtle! He makes progess only when he sticks his neck out. (
James Bryant Conant
)
GET OFF THE F*%KING WALL!!!!!!! (
Doug Stern
)
Brevity is the soul of wit. (
William Shakespeare
)
last tri in 83
Aug 11, 08 9:09
Post #3 of 32 (416 views)
Re: Just ranting, feel free to ignore [Fatmouse]
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you must look like a player so he thought you would appreciate it.
_____________________________________________
Conservative in exile.
HeartlessNomad
Aug 11, 08 9:10
Post #4 of 32 (413 views)
Re: Just ranting, feel free to ignore [Fatmouse]
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I would have gone for his throat demanding her contact info. solve the problem for him and his wife by making it my problem =)
vitus979
Aug 11, 08 9:23
Post #5 of 32 (401 views)
Re: Just ranting, feel free to ignore [Fatmouse]
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Should I have called him out on being a scumbag?
You should have, but that's kind of like saying you should have thought of a clever comeback when it counted, not three days later.
"People think it must be fun to be a super genius, but they don't realize how hard it is to put up with all the idiots in the world."
Casey
Aug 11, 08 9:28
Post #6 of 32 (388 views)
Re: Just ranting, feel free to ignore [Fatmouse]
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Should I have called him out on being a scumbag? Congratulated him on bagging the young woman?
Something similar happened to me (only with a friend) and I responded by asking him how he would feel if his wife left him for a young guy half her age. Then I told him to grow up and work on his marriage and stop looking at someone to stroke his ego (my exact words).
He became very angry but ended up staying with his wife and they are still together and working things out.
It has remained our secret and we are still friends.
__________________________________________________
You sir, are my new hero! - Trifan 11/13/2008
Casey, you are a wise man - blueraider_mike 11/13/2008
Casey, This is an astute observation. - Slowbern 11/17/2008
vitus979
Aug 11, 08 9:29
Post #7 of 32 (388 views)
Re: Just ranting, feel free to ignore [vitus979]
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Case in point: I just thought of a better response.
Maybe the guy is looking for someone to talk him out of temptation, some encouragement to do the right thing.
"People think it must be fun to be a super genius, but they don't realize how hard it is to put up with all the idiots in the world."
steveperx
Aug 11, 08 9:30
Post #8 of 32 (386 views)
Re: Just ranting, feel free to ignore [Fatmouse]
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Should I have called him out on being a scumbag? Congratulated him on bagging the young woman?
Why not do both? :) For example.
Wow! Baggin' a 20 year old? That's awesome, my man! You are quite the stud! I thought about bailing on my marriage to bag some young hotties, too. You know, it gets hard all this "committment" stuff. But I love my wife and kids and I'm an adult that has responsibilities that I take very seriously, so I decided to stick it out. Good luck with
your
stuff, though.
-------------------------------------
Steve Perkins
Fatmouse
Aug 11, 08 9:47
Post #9 of 32 (353 views)
Re: Just ranting, feel free to ignore [vitus979]
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Yeah. After I thought about it a while I realized that may have been what he was looking for, someone to help him set boundaries.
So, yes. I think I failed in this situation.
_____________________________________
"Also, of course the United States can't do everything. It does not follow that we should do nothing." AF
fred_h
Aug 11, 08 11:07
Post #10 of 32 (310 views)
Re: Just ranting, feel free to ignore [Fatmouse]
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[Yeah. After I thought about it a while I realized that may have been what he was looking for, someone to help him set boundaries.
So, yes. I think I failed in this situation. ]
Yes you failed because we do not know what are the sexual boundaries of his wife and this 20 something.
Is he trading up or down?
Fred.
Fatmouse
Aug 11, 08 14:04
Post #11 of 32 (250 views)
Re: Just ranting, feel free to ignore [fred_h]
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Ah, the frigid wife defense. I should have asked about his marital sex life.
;-)
_____________________________________
"Also, of course the United States can't do everything. It does not follow that we should do nothing." AF
IAMike
Aug 11, 08 14:13
Post #12 of 32 (241 views)
Re: Just ranting, feel free to ignore [Fatmouse]
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Or you could have asked for his wife's number....what's good for the gander is good for the goose, or something like that. :-)
lunchbox
Aug 11, 08 14:23
Post #13 of 32 (237 views)
Re: Just ranting, feel free to ignore [Fatmouse]
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you should have gone for something simple and elegant:
"Dude, that's fucked up." Then blow his doors off and drop his ass.
******************************
If I don't, who will?
Paul Smeulders
Aug 11, 08 14:40
Post #14 of 32 (222 views)
Re: Just ranting, feel free to ignore [vitus979]
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Quote
You should have, but that's kind of like saying you should have thought of a clever comeback when it counted, not three days later.
Like: "Oh yeah, Reilly? Well, the Jerk Store called, and they're running out of
you
." ?
George Costanza is timeless, and this one would have made him stop and maybe move away...or laugh.
Smelly
cerveloguy
Aug 11, 08 14:41
Post #15 of 32 (222 views)
Re: Just ranting, feel free to ignore [Fatmouse]
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You did the right thing. Just change the subject. The guy obviously wants someone to talk to and sometimes a stranger is as good as anybody. You can't really pass moral judgement without knowing the entire story.
"OK, I'll admit I screwed up the facts"
vitus979
Aug 11, 08 14:48
Post #16 of 32 (209 views)
Re: Just ranting, feel free to ignore [cerveloguy]
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I'm wondering what kind of story would preclude you from encouraging him not to cheat on his wife. (I note that this is not the same thing as passing moral judgement.)
"People think it must be fun to be a super genius, but they don't realize how hard it is to put up with all the idiots in the world."
cerveloguy
Aug 11, 08 16:47
Post #17 of 32 (185 views)
Re: Just ranting, feel free to ignore [vitus979]
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Do you know anything about his wife or his relationship? It wouldn't be my business, or yours either. I wouldn't want to know about it. The guy is volunteering information that wasn't asked for. I'd politely not interrupt but then change the topic to ask him how he likes those wheels he's riding or something similiar to do with the bike or the ride.
What's with the moral high road all of a sudden? Did you skip mass last week and feeling guilty or something. :-)
"OK, I'll admit I screwed up the facts"
vitus979
Aug 11, 08 16:50
Post #18 of 32 (181 views)
Re: Just ranting, feel free to ignore [cerveloguy]
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Do you know anything about his wife or his relationship?
Yeah. I know he's married to her.
It wouldn't be my business, or yours either.
I think that argument pretty much evaporates when the guy brings it up, unsolicited.
I guess I just don't see what could be going on in his marriage that would make it out of line to recommend that he remain faithful to her, at least as long as he's actually married to her. We've slid so far down that it's out of line to say that to someone, even after they bring the subject up?
"People think it must be fun to be a super genius, but they don't realize how hard it is to put up with all the idiots in the world."
lunchbox
Aug 11, 08 16:56
Post #19 of 32 (177 views)
Re: Just ranting, feel free to ignore [cerveloguy]
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Marriage is a lifelong pledge. If his relationship is utterly untenable, then he needs to grab sack and tell her they're splitting up. Don't screw anyone else until said split is complete? Why do people have such a hard time grasping this?
The guy on the ride is a douchebag; if he doesn't like to be called that, he should keep his dick in his pants until his papers come through.
******************************
If I don't, who will?
cerveloguy
Aug 11, 08 17:01
Post #20 of 32 (172 views)
Re: Just ranting, feel free to ignore [lunchbox]
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"Marriage is a lifelong pledge"
I guess that's why the divorce rate is around 50%.
Preach to the guy on the ride not to me. All I've said is that it's none of my business. Obviously you and Vitus feel that it should be yours.
"OK, I'll admit I screwed up the facts"
lunchbox
Aug 11, 08 17:06
Post #21 of 32 (159 views)
Re: Just ranting, feel free to ignore [cerveloguy]
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Hey, he brought it up. You know how some people say "tell me what you think about this...", but they
really
just want some affirmation? I tell them what I REALLY think, in very direct terms. Not a rant at you, it's just that sometimes people need to hear that they are idiots/scumbags/waste of oxygen, etc.
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If I don't, who will?
balanceguy
Aug 11, 08 17:06
Post #22 of 32 (159 views)
Re: Just ranting, feel free to ignore [Fatmouse]
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What did your bike have to say about it? ;)
cerveloguy
Aug 11, 08 17:11
Post #23 of 32 (113 views)
Re: Just ranting, feel free to ignore [lunchbox]
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"Hey, he brought it up."
Yes he did, but like I already said - I'd just politely change the subject and not pass judgement.
You're calling this guy all kinds of names, but you nothing about the wife. Maybe he's a douche or maybe he's been a saint married to one. We just don't know. And in my case - I wouldn't want to. I go to group rides to ride, not to play the part of a Dr. Phil.
"OK, I'll admit I screwed up the facts"
vitus979
Aug 11, 08 17:15
Post #24 of 32 (110 views)
Re: Just ranting, feel free to ignore [cerveloguy]
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General question: Do you think passing judgement and encouraging the guy not to cheat are the same thing?
"People think it must be fun to be a super genius, but they don't realize how hard it is to put up with all the idiots in the world."
lunchbox
Aug 11, 08 17:23
Post #25 of 32 (103 views)
Re: Just ranting, feel free to ignore [cerveloguy]
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Even if he's been great, and his old lady is a complete hag- get the divorce 1st! Typically, telling people they are a schmuck right off the bat for stuff like this has the effect of keeping them away. If they persist, drop 'em- I go to rides to ride as well. Screw Dr. Phil, my patented slap therapy is what so many people need.
******************************
If I don't, who will?
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