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Favorite cat hit by a car (long)

xraycharlie

Nov 5, 09 16:51

Post #1 of 19 (326 views)

Favorite cat hit by a car (long)	Can't Post

His name was Pedro. We adopted him as an adult from the animal shelter, and I've mentioned him here before.

He didn't come home last night. Our neighbor found him dead on the road, in front of our house.

He was our favorite cat ever. We originally got him to keep our other cat, Alexis, company. My wife had had Alexis since before we met, so this was my first time ever going to a shelter to pick out an animal. Pedro picked me. I wasn't even looking at him when he climbed up on a shelf and put his paws on my chest.

He was terrified for his first few weeks in our house - the slightest little thing would make him tear off and hide. Must have been his instincts from when he was a stray. Before the shelter had gotten him, he'd already been trapped once by the volunteers who catch strays, spay or neuter them, then clip the tip off of one ear before turning them loose again. So he must have been out on his own for some time.

He turned out to be one of the most fun, affectionate, playful cats we'd ever met, though. Must have grown up with people - probably was abandoned. Insisted on being picked up and carried around several times a day. Always came into the bedroom when he heard the alarm go off, just to make sure that we were awake.

And now he's gone, and even though it's stupid, I'm finding myself blaming my wife.

We live in town, you see, and on a moderately busy road. Also, there are foxes, fishers, and plenty of stray cats around. All of this was why the cats were strictly indoors for the whole time that we've been living here.

Last summer, though, Pedro escaped. It was my fault - I left the door ajar, and never saw him sneak out. We didn't even notice he was missing until the next day. Like most of last July, it was a cold and rainy day. We called for him, and heard him crying in the bushes next to the house, but couldn't coax him out until after dark. Finally got him inside, soaked, cold, and famished.

The following week he snuck out again.

My wife decided that he wanted to be an outdoor cat, and that he'd never be happy if he stayed indoors. Took him to the vet, got him caught up on vaccinations, and got a chip implanted in him. Started letting him out regularly, and he did seem to love it. Was continually going to the door and crying to be let out.

I was against it. Yeah, I know that he liked going out, but I'm just not convinced that he was "miserable" indoors. Anyway, like I said, this just seems like too dangerous of a place for cats to be outdoors. I thought, and still think, that my wife was projecting her own feelings on the cat.

She has a pretty serious travel bug, you see. Spent a large part of her twenties living out of a backpack in Europe, with no particular plan. Believed at the time that she would never settle down, get married, own a house, and all that. So obviously, she has settled down somewhat, but she still travels a lot. Leads trips as part of her adult ed job. Sometimes I go with her (have gone to Ireland with her, leading trips, twice now), and sometimes I don't (she led a trip to Alaska this summer, and spent four weeks in South Korea immediately after we got married). My friends and coworkers have trouble keeping track of her comings and goings, and oftentimes will just ask me, "is your wife home yet?"

I'm okay with this state of affairs, for the most part. Spent a long part of my adulthood single, and can live by myself contentedly. Only thing that bothers me is that sometimes I get the hint that my wife isn't really content with being tethered at all. I get hints of it sometimes when she drinks, and it frightens me.

So maybe this is a bigger issue than just Pedro's death. I don't know. I hate it when I'm pessimistic and right all at the same time, as happens frequently. And I keep feeling like it's stupid to get this worked up over a damn cat. But my favorite cat is dead, and I've got to figure out some way to let this go and forgive my wife.

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Over 800 days bike crash free.

chainpin

Nov 5, 09 16:54

Post #2 of 19 (322 views)

Re: Favorite cat hit by a car (long) [xraycharlie] [In reply to]	Can't Post

Sorry to hear than, man that sucks.

"I really wish you would post more often. You always have some good stuff to say. I copied it below just in case someone missed it." BarryP to Chainpin on 10/21/06

CaptainCanada

Nov 5, 09 17:15

Post #3 of 19 (308 views)

Re: Favorite cat hit by a car (long) [xraycharlie] [In reply to]	Can't Post

So sorry for your loss.

FWIW, I have to agree with your wife. My cats would go insane if they could not go outside. The downside is that every day they are at risked of being harmed by coyotes, raccoons and stray dogs. The risk is worth it as their quality of life is soooooo much better. They are happy and well adjusted and do what is natural to them. Plus we have no litter box ... huge plus.

===============
2010 races: The Great Walk (63km run), IMLP, IMC, and maybe Silverman

Time to Nut up or Shut up

peter826

Nov 5, 09 17:21

Post #4 of 19 (304 views)

Re: Favorite cat hit by a car (long) [xraycharlie] [In reply to]	Can't Post

Sorry for your loss.

Cats belong indoors, period.

slowbern

Nov 5, 09 17:58

Post #5 of 19 (292 views)

Re: Favorite cat hit by a car (long) [xraycharlie] [In reply to]	Can't Post

Sorry to hear this story. That is sad about your cat. It is tough when you have a cat that tries to get out. I am a firm believer that cats should be indoors if they are pets. If you are going to let them out, you have to know that their lives will be shorter.

You are right that you really transitioned to a larger problem then your cat getting hit by a car. That is a harder issue by far. You need to get some distance from the cat's death and grieve for awhile. See where you are in a couple of weeks. If you still have some resentment, talk with your wife. Just remember, sometimes you have to choose whether you want to ask questions you really don't want the answers to.

But that is a future topic. For now, grieve. I'm sorry for your loss.

Bernie

_______________
"Slowbern has always made astute observations."-Casey 03/10/2009

xraycharlie

Nov 5, 09 18:42

Post #6 of 19 (276 views)

Re: Favorite cat hit by a car (long) [slowbern] [In reply to]	Can't Post

Thanks everyone for the kind words.

You know, one thing that's sort of bugging me here is how much this is upsetting me, compared to how much just sort of rolls off of me at work. Just today, for example, I found cancer in two patients I scanned. Last summer, I scanned the husband of one of my coworkers when his aorta suddenly dissected. He died two weeks later. I did portable skull films once on a gunshot suicide - got blood, brains, and skull fragments on my gloves, and then had to go past the kid's mother out in the hall on my way back to process my films.

And none of this has upset me as much as this damn cat getting run over.

My wife, BTW, is just as upset as I am, if not more so. The two of them always had a special bond. She used to dance with him slung over her shoulder, with him purring away, content as could be.

She's said repeatedly, even before tonight, that she did worry about Pedro going outside. Keeps pointing out that she worries about me, too, when I'm out biking in traffic. Maybe she's got a point, there. I have come close to being killed. I even thought that I was dead once, in the weightless moment after I was hit by a minivan, staring up at the sky.

I should try to get all of this morbid shit out of my head. I've already decide that my project will be to integrate our newest cat, Sparkles, into our life a little better.

We adopted her a few months ago from a former student of my wife's, who just went into the Army in September. She's about eleven years old, and was his cat since childhood. She's a very petite little calico, and she seems to like me pretty well. Likes to sleep next to me. She's not getting along with Alexis, though. Doesn't want to come down from upstairs. We tried taking away her upstairs litterbox to convince her to use the ones in the basement, but she just started to go on the floor of the office. Alexis keeps chasing her upstairs.

Pedro was always good to her. Never seemed to be bothered when she swatted at him. Mostly stood his ground, and kept approaching her. She was just getting to the point of tolerating him.

Sparkles is a little tough to get along with. Short-tempered. Sort of a troubled soul. My wife has mentioned a few times that she'd like to give Sparkles away, but I want to keep her. Among other things, I think Zach (her former owner) will want to see her again. Anyway, I haven't given up on the possibility that she can be trained to used the litterboxes in the basement. Maybe we can even train her to stop jumping up onto the bed right next to our heads in the middle of the night.

Enough rambling for now. My wife's gone up to bed, and I should join her.
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Over 800 days bike crash free.

JenHS

Nov 5, 09 20:04

Post #7 of 19 (254 views)

Re: Favorite cat hit by a car (long) [xraycharlie] [In reply to]	Can't Post

It is horrible to lose a critter. It is devastating. Losing one suddenly is even harder. I am so so sorry.

Stress like this can dig up stuff that has been simmering. Don't tackle that now. Cry for your cat. You know you are amongst serious animal lovers here and we all get it.

We just lost our dog to cancer a couple weeks ago so I understand. It is hard dealing with the little reminders but just keep in mind that you gave him a great life and he appreciated every minute of it.

They never stick around long enough, do they?

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Jen - Twitter | The Boss | Javalina Jundred 100k - DONE! | 2010 - TBD | "JenHS is pretty popular so we need to keep her happy" - eganski

Mito Chondria

Nov 5, 09 20:18

Post #8 of 19 (251 views)

Re: Favorite cat hit by a car (long) [xraycharlie] [In reply to]	Can't Post

Sorry to read about Pedro being gone like that. I never lost a pet but I found one. Lucky I named him after I found him at the corner of Reseda and Nordhoff in LA. It was 113 degrees that day when I saved him, only the size of a mouse and when I brought him home with me we had to segregate him from the black cat, no I'm not racist, but the big cat would have had his way with him...at least the hissing and all that indicated that.

Now Lucky is a bit older, 1.5 years and he is wild. Loves the outdoors and you can't keep him in. There's a canyon nearby and there are cayotes. He's kept inside early in the morning and he's inside at night. But sometimes he's on his adventure and you can't change that. I think a cat that had to survive on its own is more wild than others. At least that's my experience.

I told myself that as long as Lucky has a good life I'm ok accepting the fact that some day he might not come home. He act like he is the most happy cat ever. I'm sure there's nothing to make Pedro's absence "right" but remember that you gave him a good life and that he enjoyed the outside. Will it hurt when the day comes that he won't return or pass away at home, sure it will and I hope that this is far in the distance. But we all go some day and as long as we live a good life we shouldn't have regrets.

Don't blame this on your wife. There's nothing to gain from it and it's nobody's fault really. If you guys have other problems then address those but I don't think you should let your emotions from Pedro's death affect your relationship with your wife. There's nothing to gain from it and nobody forced him to go out. While a new cat won't ever replace Pedro, think about adapting another one. Not as his replacement as cats or people cannot be replaced. But you seem to offer a great home to a cat and there are many in the shelters right now on "death row" that would love to enjoy your home and company.

Just remember the great times you had with Pedro, that you gave him a good life. Blaming anybody doesn't change anything. It's nobody's fault and Pedro will never be replaced, but there are cats at the shelter that would love to be sleeping in your home tonight and waking up to tuna in the morning ;)

MoodBoost Drink : Mood Support + Energy.

S. Pinkfontaine

Nov 5, 09 20:33

Post #9 of 19 (244 views)

Re: Favorite cat hit by a car (long) [peter826] [In reply to]	Can't Post

In Reply To:

Sorry for your loss.

Cats belong indoors, period.

I don't agree with that. If you want a cat and their average lifespan to be about 3 years, let them outside. If you want a cat and their average lifespan to be about 13 years, keep them indoors.

I have 3 cats that I love to death and I couldn't fathom finding them dead on the side of the road, or even worse, them just not coming home at all one night and me never knowing what happened to them. Yes, I know that all of them would love to be outdoor kitties, but I'm selfish in the fact that I want to keep them around as long as possible and I want them to be safe. I do let them on supervised trips into the backyard a couple of times a week and all 3 of them know what the words "let's go for a walk" mean.
--
"You're awesome!" --Steve Pinkfontaine
Patience isn't a virtue. Patience is a waste of my time.
http://trainingoferic.blogspot.com/ (PM for permission)

big kahuna

Nov 5, 09 20:50

Post #10 of 19 (239 views)

Re: Favorite cat hit by a car (long) [S. Pinkfontaine] [In reply to]	Can't Post

We've got two, both females who were spayed as early as possible. We just got the second one (a pound kitty) last August and she's a tuxedo and only 7 months old. The other one (a big 8 year old -- and cranky -- tabby) gets pushed around by the little one but I get a kick out of watching them run around our house. Both have their claws but that's only because we don't want to subject them to what's basically an amputation.

Anyway, we NEVER let them outdoors. We like that they're around, and getting run over by a car isn't the natural way for a cat to cash in all 9 of his or her lives in one fell swoop. My wife, who loves those cats dearly (they have a more wary relationship with me) would be devastated if either of them were to experience something so unfortunate as what happened to poor Pedro. I have to agree with Pete; cats belong indoors, period. If that means it takes a bit more work in coming to a mutually-acceptable relationship with them, I think it's worth it.

T.

JenHS

Nov 5, 09 21:46

Post #11 of 19 (230 views)

Re: Favorite cat hit by a car (long) [big kahuna] [In reply to]	Can't Post

I don't think a debate on the merits in indoor vs outdoor cats is really going to help xray feel any better.

Regardless of how someone loses their fuzzy BFF, it sucks.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Jen - Twitter | The Boss | Javalina Jundred 100k - DONE! | 2010 - TBD | "JenHS is pretty popular so we need to keep her happy" - eganski

D!

Nov 5, 09 22:29

Post #12 of 19 (226 views)

Re: Favorite cat hit by a car (long) [JenHS] [In reply to]	Can't Post

In Reply To:

I don't think a debate on the merits in indoor vs outdoor cats is really going to help xray feel any better.

Regardless of how someone loses their fuzzy BFF, it sucks.

Agreed. Let's stick to what's really important on this one, and that's not a debate.

______________________________________
I know I'm promiscuous, but in a classy way

xraycharlie

Nov 5, 09 23:04

Post #13 of 19 (217 views)

Re: Favorite cat hit by a car (long) [JenHS] [In reply to]	Can't Post

In Reply To:

I don't think a debate on the merits in indoor vs outdoor cats is really going to help xray feel any better.

Regardless of how someone loses their fuzzy BFF, it sucks.

Strangely enough, it is making me feel a little better to see that there's a fairly even split in the opinions of the pet lovers here, concerning keeping cats safely indoors vs. improving their quality of life by letting them roam. It's sort of like calmly debating the issue with my wife, but by proxy.

BTW, Jen, I was lurking on your thread about your dog. Felt like I should have said something, but I'd never lost a pet before, and I didn't know what to say.

I'll put down the laptop now; Sparkles has come to sit on my shoulder, purr that strange bubbly purr of hers, and sink her claws into my chest. I think I'll give her some attention.
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Over 800 days bike crash free.

Helitech

Nov 6, 09 4:12

Post #14 of 19 (188 views)

Re: Favorite cat hit by a car (long) [xraycharlie] [In reply to]	Can't Post

Sad times ,

Don't dwell on the death of a cat , Grieve with stories of their life . As far as any guilt with the outside cats choice , they pick us and deal with us in their own way .

We normally have a back yard funeral and plant a rose bush over them . We also let the other cats see or sniff the dead cat , this stops the looking and howling for their friend .

In good time ,,, maybe get another and move on , after two or three cycles of cat deaths it gets a bit easier ( not much ). Always have two cats , a solo cat ends up a nut case .

Our 3 cats in 20 + years ( two at a time) , have all survived into their 16s -18s . All outside
great slim cats , mild weather with few predators to chase them .

Shelleytri's

Nov 6, 09 7:09

Post #15 of 19 (161 views)

Re: Favorite cat hit by a car (long) [xraycharlie] [In reply to]	Can't Post

Well that is very sad. Maybe you can get a new kittie down the road..and a new wife too...just kidding.

Remember the good times with your cat!
-----------------
http://www.konashelley.blogspot.com

eddiep

Nov 6, 09 8:21

Post #16 of 19 (145 views)

Re: Favorite cat hit by a car (long) [xraycharlie] [In reply to]	Can't Post

We've had 6 cats in the last 17 years. All exclusively indoors except our newest one. We just can't keep him inside and his motto seems to be "live free or die". We know it will shorten his lifespan, but what can we do? We got him as an 8 week old kitten from the shelter so he never "knew" what it was like to be outside. But starting at 6 months, we stopped chasing him when he got out (which was all the time). He's an awesome cat with a great personality and I will miss him when he doesn't come back.

As for your wife's travel bug. I have the same bug, but my husband doesn't share it. So I frequently take solo trips. I even been mocked by other Slowtwitchers (imagine that) who are convinced I have a doomed relationship because he doesn't travel with me. But he doesn't enjoy it like I do and doesn't have the flexible schedule like I do. And you know what, he can go out with his friends and talk about computers for 12 hours straight which would kill me if I had to go along. So don't sweat it and enjoy her individuality.

And sorry for your loss.

xraycharlie

Nov 6, 09 12:43

Post #17 of 19 (118 views)

Re: Favorite cat hit by a car (long) [eddiep] [In reply to]	Can't Post

Thanks again everyone for the kind words.

We don't really have a place to bury Pedro, so we took him to the vet this afternoon to be cremated. I also went to the shelter where we adopted him, and made a donation of a bunch of cat litter, a few cat toys, some big economy-size packs of moist cat food, and $100. The volunteers there remembered Pedro, even though we adopted him over three years ago. He was just that sort of a cat - always made an impression.

As for the situation with my wife . . . I can't find it in me to be angry, especially because she was probably even more attached to him than I was. I know that she really believes that letting him out was really important for his happiness. Maybe so. She knows cats better than I do, and was well-attuned to his moods. I guess that he was getting a little bored and listless over the last year, enough so that we were even considering adopting a kitten to keep him entertained. (Alexis was never really playful enough for his taste.)

Anyway, thanks to those who agreed with me, that he should have stayed safely indoors. And perhaps a little more so, thanks to those who told me that some cats just insist on being a little wild, and have to be allowed to put their lives on the line for the lifestyle they crave. One way or another, I think I have to make myself believe that this is just the way Pedro was.
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Over 800 days bike crash free.

Brick

Nov 6, 09 13:04

Post #18 of 19 (114 views)

Re: Favorite cat hit by a car (long) [xraycharlie] [In reply to]	Can't Post

I am sorry about Pedro.

For whatever it is worth, your relationship with your wife is the most important thing. Tend to that.

Of one thing I am certain. Pedro's death is no more your wife's fault than your own. In other words, Pedro is dead not because your wife lobbied to let him enjoy being outside and not because you acquiesced. Pedro is dead because he got run over.

You gave him a loving home and the freedom to be the cat he wanted to be. Freedom is risky but worth it.

Good luck and I hope you heal quickly.

Longboarder

Nov 6, 09 21:13

Post #19 of 19 (73 views)

Re: Favorite cat hit by a car (long) [xraycharlie] [In reply to]	Can't Post

Sorry....

Train safe & smart

Bob

"Then the thought came back- f^*k you, keep moving. The little train that could, could. I'm moving forward again." Doug Stern